


Hot Damn

by MysteriouslySurreal



Series: When Love Takes Over [1]
Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Bottom Eren, Bottom Levi, Eren And His Inner Monologues, Eren is just, Eren's Thirst Is Real, Eventual Smut, Hilarious Mishaps, Lets say Eren, Levi has tattoos, M/M, Pop References? I think yes, Punk!Levi, Sassy Eren, So many facts, Top Eren, Top Levi, Underage Drinking?, What's this? Feelings? Oh no, eren has the worst luck tbh, female hange, oh god the pick-up lines, smut now, so many pick up lines, trackstar!eren
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-23
Updated: 2015-05-10
Packaged: 2018-03-14 18:14:59
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 51
Words: 63,475
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3420689
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MysteriouslySurreal/pseuds/MysteriouslySurreal
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Levi is a punk kid at school and Eren is a track star. One day someone decides to throw a ball of paper at Levi's head and they elect Eren to be their scapegoat. Levi goes after Eren. Somehow he catches Eren and strikes up a deal with him: Act like you've pissed yourself, and I'll take you to dinner."</p><p>Hilarity ensues.</p><p>A story about pervy inner thoughts, hilarious mishaps, pop culture references galore, pick-up lines and over the top reactions to the smallest things.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. This Is Not How I Die.

**Author's Note:**

> Hello everyone! I honestly have no idea how this goes, but I'll see what I can do.
> 
> Levi and Eren are so OOC in this story it's not even funny, but that's the way it is, I'm afraid.
> 
> (prompt is found at http://levisass.tumblr.com/post/111703215477/ereri-prompt)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The beginning of God knows what.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello and welcome to my fic. I don't know what I'm doing but here I go.

_**EREN POV:** _

It was a sunny day at my high school, Shengeki No Community School.

  
_No Community is right_ , I thought wryly.

  
The kids here were far, far away from a community. It was every man for themselves. Seriously. One time Jean and me tried to TP one of the teachers cars when we heard a noise. Guess what Horseface did? That’s right. Ran like the little bitch he is. Guess who got all the blame for the ‘little stunt’? Correct. **Me.**

  
I was walking down to the gymnasium with a group of my classmates, when I spot some punk kid. How did I know he was punk? It was so painfully obvious. The black clothes, the chains around his waist, the piercings and not to mention the black hair. It was styled in an uppercut. Who even has uppercuts anymore? What is this, the military? I don’t think so. Anyway, back to this kid.

  
_Damn he was short._

  
I’m talking 5’3 of little bitch. Hehe. Little. I made a joke.

  
I was snapped out of my thoughts when someone threw a wad of paper at the kids head. I admit, that was kind of rude to do. I laughed despite that. Small things amuse small minds.

  
Then the kid’s head turns. I’m not talking about a simple ‘glance over your shoulder’ kind of head turning. Oh no. This was some _The Exorcist_   head turning on its axis shit going on right here.

  
_Jesus Christ, how did he not snap his neck?_

  
He turned to face us and _holy fuck_ he had murder in his eyes. I feared for my life. Although, his silver eyes were kind of pretty… or at least they would be if they weren’t directed at us with homicidal rage.

  
_Wait a minute... did I just say his eyes were pretty? What the fuck. Then again… no one will have to know about my thoughts towards Stumpy here._  
_Hehe. Stumpy._

  
My amused thoughts were brought to an end when everyone started pointing at me. Fuck. Did they just decide I was their scapegoat? Oh hell no. Stumpy looks at me. Shit.

  
Then he takes off at me.

  
I turn around and I fly down the track that I happen to be next to beside because _holy fuck Stumpy is gonna murder me this is not how I want to die_. I turn my head around to see if I lost him but no. **He’s. Right. Behind. Me.**

  
_No no no this is not how I’m going to die. Fuck that shit_

  
To my surprise, I get tackled to the ground, being pinned helplessly. God dammit. I see my eyes flash before my eyes (okay maybe I’m being a little dramatic), but seriously. Tell my mother I love her and all that jazz. I’m too young to die.

  
I look up to see Grumpy the dwarf staring back down at me. I’m going to die.

  
_Damn he’s hot though. I’d tap that. If I survive, that is._

  
Then my vertically challenged friend speaks.

  
“Look, I know you didn’t throw that shit, but I’ve got a reputation to uphold and if you’ll go back looking like you’ve pissed yourself, I’ll buy you dinner.”

  
_His voice is like pure sex, damn… wait… did he just say he’ll buy me dinner?_

  
I surprise myself once again when I say “How the hell did you catch me in skinny jeans?".

  
Shorty just looks at me like he’s on the verge of cackling. _Okay then._

  
“It’s a secret. Anyway, do you agree to my deal?”

  
“So you aren’t going to kill me?” I ask hesitantly.

  
“Nah. I figured your reactions were too entertaining” He smirks. _Hot Damn._

  
“Thank you?” It comes out more like a question.

  
“No worries” He says, then gets up off of me. I instantly miss the contact.

  
“Come on, let’s go” He whispers and _oh god please whisper more often._

  
I stand up, and try to look like I pissed myself from fear like he asked. I hope it worked. I failed Drama class so I have no way of knowing if it looks convincing. Shorty looks at me with a confused look on his face. I guess that answers the question of my superior acting abilities.

  
“What’s your name anyway?” I say.

  
“Levi.” He smirks again. _Fuck_. “What’s yours?”

  
“Eren.” I respond, a little too eagerly.

  
“Eren.” He tries it out. I like the way it rolls off his tongue. _I’d like to get acquainted with that tongue._

  
“I’m going to have a lot of fun with you, Eren” He smirks at me ( _again, holy Jesus_ ), and I register what he has just said. He’s going to have fun with me.

  
Fun.

  
With Me.

  
And he smirked.

  
_Holy Fucking Shit. I’d like to thank not only God, but Jesus._

 


	2. Think of The Dinner, Eren.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eren realises what's really important here.

Pulled from my thoughts by Levi, he grabbed the collar of my shirt and dragged me back to where the stupid traitors stood, eyes bugging out and mouths wide open. Assholes.

_Suck it, bitches. I get dinner with this fine piece of ass._

I glanced over at said midget God and found him glaring at me. _Oh right, I was meant to act like I pissed myself. I can do that._

He turned to my friends again and spoke, the tone sending shivers down my spine. Of arousal or fear, I didn’t know, but _damn_ I liked it.

“Alright, shitstains. I’ve sorted out your little friend here. Fuck with me again and I’ll make you piss yourself like Bambi here has. I dare you to try it again.”

_Oh yes. I’ll fuck with you any day hehe. Wait. Did he just call me Bambi? What the fuck._

My subconscious then registered the sensation of Levi releasing me from his icy grasp (seriously. Was he Edward Cullen or something?), and I immediately moved away from his Royal Punkness. I must admit, I was a very good actor. I think I had everyone fooled. You see, I didn’t mind being touched by Levi (when his hands weren’t icicles though, _Jesus Christ_.)

_Think of the dinner. Come on Eren._

Levi shot us all one last glare that could freeze Hell, then stalked off.

_I hate seeing you go... but I loooove watching you leave. Hehe. Was that creepy? Well I don’t care. Levi had an ass to boot. **Mmm dat ass.**_

Once Levi disappeared out of sight, everyone’s heads shot to me and they immediately started firing off questions.

“What happened, Eren?”

“Eren I thought you were the fastest on the track team?”

“Have a nice trip, Jaeger?”

_Of course the last one was from Jean. Stupid Horse._

“Go eat some hay, you stupid horse” was all I responded with.

“What the fuck, Jaeger! I’m not a horse” He sputtered out. _Good._

“Sure, Seabiscuit” I smirked back and promptly walked away from the group.

_That’s right. Neigh neigh, motherfucker. Score one for Jaeger._

 

* * *

 

_**Later that day:** _

I realised I didn’t have Levi’s number. Shit. Now what?

_Levi’s been on my mind a lot today… I hope he didn’t notice the boner I had when he was on top of me. Seriously. I’d die of embarrassment if he did._

As you can see, I spent the whole day thinking about Levi. I couldn’t help it. He intrigued me, scared me and aroused me all at once.

_Was that a good combination? Wasn’t that the same thing the chick from 50 Shades of Grey said when she was talking about that BDSM guy? Should I be worried? Is Levi into BDSM? Am I into BDSM? I mean… I wouldn’t be opposed to a little… **Oh shit**. The teacher just called on me. Play it cool, Jaeger. Play it cool._

“George Washington” I stated calmly.

“George Washington built the Great Wall of China?” He questioned.

I heard snickers come from the classmates. Well that went well.

_At least he moved on. Maybe I’ll catch a break._

Thankfully I did and class ended.

I walked to my locker and locked eyes with my Romeo, Stumpy.

_What’s he doing here? Has he come to talk to me?_

I walked forward, hesitantly. I wasn’t sure if I should act like I knew him, considering our little fiasco of Gym Class.

_Ah Gym class. Good times, good times._

Levi looked up at me again (well duh, he’s like, 5’3 to my 5’7) and smirked. Seriously, what was up with all the smirking?

_Lord Jesus that smirk though. Hot Damn._

“Eren” he purred. At least, I think he purred. I dunno. He constantly sounds like he’s purring.

“Levi” I attempted to purr back. I don’t think it had the same effect. I probably sounded like I had something in my throat.

He just looked at me and I saw amusement hint around the edges of his eyes. Excellent.

“I forgot to give you my number, so here it is. Call it and attempt to have phone sex or some shit and I’ll castrate you.” He said seriously, but I could hear the teasing edge to it.

_I wasn’t going to anyway… maybe. Don’t judge me._

I looked up from the paper to thank him, but he was gone.

_Huh? How’d he do that?_

I looked down at the paper again, trying to memorise the number when I noticed some writing along where my thumb rested. I read it.

‘Text me later and we can discuss the details of dinner. Also, I hope there’s no **hard** feelings between us right now ;)’

_Holy fuck. He noticed._

**_Fuck my life._ **

 


	3. Ugh Grammar Nazi

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some texting and grammar comes into play.

I _finally_ got home that evening. I had detention, you see? Something about not paying attention in class.

_Whatever. It’s not like I need to know History. They’re all dead anyway._

The first thing I did when I arrived in my domain (Sounds fancy, no?), was to message Stumpy.

Seriously that was his name.

I saved him under Stumpy.

_Did I forget to mention that? Oh well. I was considering ‘The Stumpster’ then I thought “nah”_

Anyway, the conversation went like this:

To Stumpy: **“heeeeeeeeeeeeeeey”**

From Stumpy: **“You sound like an excited twelve year old”**

To Stumpy: **“I’m not twelve -.-"**

From Stumpy: **“Sure, kid”**

To Stumpy: **“YOUR THE SAME AGE AS ME”**

From Stumpy: **“You’re*”**

To Stumpy: **“Wateva grammer nazi”**

From Stumpy: **“*Whatever* Grammar*”**

To Stumpy: **“UGHHHH”**

From Stumpy: **“You’re too easy to tease ;)”**

 

_He’s teasing me? Aww yiss. I like teasing hehehe… Unless you’re Jean. He’s an asshole._

 

To Stumpy: **“We should discuss dinner”** _Among other things we can do hehe._

From Stumpy: **“Eager are we? ;) Where do you want to go?”**

 

_Stop winking at me, you sexy beast ugh_

 

To Stumpy: **“How does The Armoured Titan sound?”**

From Stumpy: **“That new place down the road? That sounds okay, I guess”**

To Stumpy: **“Then it’s settled. TO THE ARMOURED TITAN! *insert military sound here*”**

From Stumpy: **“You’re such a dork”**

To Stumpy: **“Did you know that a dork is a whale’s penis?”**

From Stumpy: **“What the fuck, Eren.”**

 

_He said my name. Say my naaaame just say my naaaame._

 

To Stumpy: **“IDK”**

From Stumpy: **“Okay then. How does tomorrow at 4 sound?”**

 

_Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep I’m going on a date with Mr. Sexy._

 

To Stumpy: **“Okay”**

From Stumpy: **“Okay”**

To Stumpy: **“Okay”**

From Stumpy: **“I’m not quoting The Fault in Our Stars with you, Eren.”**

To Stumpy: **“Okay.”**

From Stumpy: **“You worry me. Anyway, I’m going to bed. Night”**

To Stumpy: **“Night”**

 

_Oh my God. I’m going out with Levi. Levi the sexy, yet scarily intimidating midget! I can’t wait!_

 

I was too excited to sleep that night.

 


	4. Is That a Tongue Piercing?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Finally the "date".

_**The Next Day:** _

Today was the day. My date with Levi.

_Can you tell I’m excited?_

I found my nicest shirt, brushed my hair (or at least, attempted to. It was a mess.) And made my way out the door. My mom said something about protection and I blushed.

_If only I was that lucky to need it._

The walk to The Armoured Titan was uneventful (Thankfully) and I had about ten minutes to spare once I got there. Fate seemed to love me, it seemed, as my favourite Dwarf, Grumpy, was already there.

I decided to go in and join him. What was the harm in doing so?

Levi looked up wordlessly, and when he saw me, he smirked at me.

Not only did he smirk, he also dragged his tongue over his lips. (Slowly, I might add).

_Oh my fucking God. Is that a tongue piercing?_

Indeed it was. It was glinting in the light and was in full view of my awe-struck eyes.

_Innocent thoughts, Eren. Innocent thoughts… ugh… It’s hard not to think about that piercing would feel like... in certain places… fuck my life._

“So, Eren” he purred. “How are you today?” _I can felt my knees go weak. Catch me, I’m swooning._

_He did that on purpose. I’m positive of that._

“I-I’m fine, thank you for asking” _Did I just stutter? What is this? Middle school?_

“That’s good” he said, lowly.

There was an awkward silence after that. At least, for me it was awkward. He probably enjoyed it.

“So…” I began.

His eyes shot up to mine, and that _fucking smirk_ made a reappearance.

“Yes?” He asked.

“What are you thinking of ordering?” I tried to make light conversation.

I saw mischief flicker in his eyes and his response had all the blood rushing to my dick.

“Something big. I feel like something that can fill my mouth up and satisfy me”

_He did that on purpose. I know he did. Oh my god I will not sport a boner in a fast-food joint._

“Interesting way of phrasing things” I said. My voice may have hitched. Maybe.

His only response was a chuckle.

_Fuck you._

_If only._

_Life’s not fair._

Our food soon arrived and we ate in silence.

_Don’t say anything stupid, Eren._

“Did you know lipstick is made from fish scales?” Nice one, Eren. Real smooth.

His eyes met mine and then he rolled them.

_Don’t be mean, Levi._

He swallowed his food then gave me a look that screamed “You’re such a dork” _._

_I couldn’t understand this guy. One second he teased, taunted and aroused me, the next second he treated me like an idiot and acted like I was making his life challenging. He was hot, then he was cold._

_He was yes._

_Then he was no._

_He was in._

_Then he was out... okay I’m getting off track._

I noticed he finished his meal and was looking at me intently.

_Yeah. Look but you can’t touch the masterpiece… actually on second thought, please touch the masterpiece._

_That reminded me of a pickup line._

“Hey Levi? I’d take you to the museum, but they said I can’t touch the masterpieces” I said slyly. I might have waggled my eyebrows.

_Don’t judge me._

“Oh my God, Eren. That was so cheesy” He laughed. He actually laughed. It was a beautiful sound (Sappy, no?)

“I know” I laughed back.

“Come on then, I’m finished and I assume you’re finished too. Let’s go to my house. There’s no one home” He said.

_Was it just me, or did his voice lower towards the end of that sentence?_

“Okay” I said back lamely.

_We’re going back to his house._

_Oh my God._

_We’re going to be alone._

_Jesus take the wheel._

_Jesus. Take. The. Fucking. Wheel._


	5. Sing Bootylicious If You Can Hear Me.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eren and his inner thoughts.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone!  
> Thank you for all your comments, they really make my day.  
> I made chapter 2&3 into one chapter, if you haven't already noticed, because I felt like the chapters were too short by themselves. Sorry for the inconvenience.
> 
> anyway, enjoy the update!

The walk to Levi’s house didn’t take that long at all. In fact, it was quite nice. Peaceful even.

_If you can count walking next to Mr. Sex-On-Legs as peaceful, then yes. It was peaceful._

Levi didn’t say much to me, he only asked a few questions that he didn’t get to at The Armoured Titan. That was fine by me, it allowed me to indulge in my little fantasies regarding a certain little person that was walking next to me.

_I bet he wouldn’t be little in other areas. Hehe. God, I’m pathetic. I really need to get laid. Preferably by Levi._

_I wonder if he can read minds… Levi. Cough if you can hear me._

He coughed.

_Oh shit oh shit oh shit. Um… sing Bootylicious if you can hear me._

He didn’t respond.

_Hmm. Maybe he just had something in his throat. I certainly know what I want down his throat. Me. Well, technically my dick, but you get the point._

_Why do I even talk to myself so often? I must be going insane. Insane in the membrane. Insane in the brain. Who knows?_

I looked over to Levi, and he was looking straight ahead.

_God. I’m so glad he can’t hear my inner monologues. So, so glad._

 

* * *

 

**10 minutes later:**

We finally arrived at Levi’s house, and it wasn’t what I expected. The lawn was manicured, the exterior walls had a fresh coat of paint, and it legit looked like one of those show houses.

So it seems Levi here likes keeping his lawn manicured.

_Yes that was an innuendo. Don’t judge me._

It occurred to me that I had been staring at the house for a little while longer than necessary when Levi pulled me from my thoughts.

“Oi Eren, are you coming in?” He called.

“Uh… yes. Sorry. Caught up in my thoughts” Nice save, Jaeger.

“Well, come on then. I have a surprise for you” He replied and went through the door.

I might have ran up those front steps faster than Usain Bolt.


	6. Did I Just Pass Out? What The Fuck.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Hey Levi? How many piercings do you have?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another update! *woohoo*  
> Thank you everyone for reading this disgrace of a story :) It honestly means a lot.

Levi’s house interior surprised me even more. It was cleaned to perfection and there wasn’t a speck of dust to be seen. However, what surprised me the most was the amount of pink that was scattered around the house. It looked like a six year old decided to play doll house – where said six year old was the doll. I wanted to say something to Levi, but I felt like it would be rude. I had to ask this gently. I had to make sure I didn’t sound like I was passing any judgement.

“Levi” I said. “Why the fuck is there so much pink in your house?”

 _Smooth as silk, Eren._ _Smooth as silk._

“It’s not mine, if that’s what you’re thinking” he growled out. _I think yes._

“It’s my mother’s” He sighed.

“Okay…” I said unsurely.

_His mother seems to like pink. As you do._

“She doesn’t believe pink is a colour” he shook his head. “Her motto is ‘pink isn’t a colour. It’s a way of life’”

“Makes sense” I said.

_No it doesn’t, don’t lie, Jaeger._

“She’s easily excitable and gets on my nerves a lot, but at the end of the day, I love her.”

“Sounds like my mother. What’s her name?” I asked

“Hange” He replied.

_Wait, what?_

“You mean you’re the science teacher’s son?” I asked, shocked.

“Indeed I am. Levi Ackerman-Zoe at your service” He saluted in a mocking fashion.

_I would love your services, Levi. If only you knew how much hehe._

“So uh... why do you wear a lot of black and have piercings and stuff?” I attempted to ask.

_What I’m trying to say is “Why the fuck are you a punk then if you’re surrounded by pink all the time?”_

As if reading my thoughts, Levi looked at me and gave me a half smile.

_I’m trying to convince myself it’s not a smirk. I feel like all he ever does is smirk. God dammit it annoys yet thrills me so much._

“I dress like this because I like striking fear into the hearts of brats that try to cross me. You wouldn’t go near someone with piercings, tattoos and a death glare, would you?”

_That makes sense… wait…_

“You have tattoos?!” I all but yelled at him.

_Holy shit, he’s barely 18 and already got tattoos. Lord help me._

“Perhaps” he winked at me.

_Well there goes all the blood that supplies my body. It’s now having a party in my nether regions._

“W-where are they?” I managed to force out.

“Places that you’ll have to wait and see in order for you to view them” he answered cryptically.

_$20 he has one on his ass. I can feel it. I know he does. It just seems so right._

“Okay” I said lamely.

A few minutes passed as we sat in silence. It was a comfortable silence, believe it or not. My thoughts constantly wandered to where his tattoos could be hiding.

_Mmm dayum. Tattoos **and** piercings. Am I in heaven? Cause it sure feels like it. I wonder how many he has of each. I’ll ask him._

“Hey Levi? How many tattoos and piercings do you have?”

“Hmm. I only have one tattoo, however, I have six piercings.”

_Ah I see._

_So there’s two in his left ear._

_One in his eyebrow._

_One in his lip._

_One on his **God damn tongue holy shit**_

_Hmm… that leaves one more._

I scanned his face to find the last one. I couldn’t find it.

_Strange. It must be hidden under his clothes… oh shit._

_That leaves his nipples… oh my God._

_It could be on his dick._

_He probably has a dick piercing._

**_He. Probably. Has. A. Dick. Piercing._ **

_Lord Jesus help me._

I promptly passed out.

_Who does that? What the fuck?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, I made Hange the mother of dear Levi here.  
> Sue me :P


	7. The Lion King

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "You wanna watch Bambi next?"  
> "NO! Fuck you!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ayy another update *throws confetti*  
> Thank you for your views, kudos and comments!  
> I love you all.

I regained consciousness a moment later. My head started to throb and I knew that I hit my head on the way down. I went down like the Titanic.

My gaze shifted to Levi, who was now hovering over me, concern etched into his features. My first thought was:

“If I were the Titanic, you would be the iceberg. I’d go down on you any day.”

Levi started laughing.

It appeared I said this out loud.

“Eren, what happened? Why did you faint?”

_Can you not say faint? It sounds girly. Say passed out. That’s manly… right?_

“Oh I uh… I didn’t have lunch” I said, embarrassed.

_Maybe he’ll buy my lie._

“You just had a late lunch with me not even an hour ago” he stated.

_God dammit. Caught out again._

“Low blood sugar?” I tried.

He shrugged his shoulders. I knew he didn’t buy my lie, but I was glad he decided to drop the subject.

“You wanna watch a movie?” he asked.

_I can think of other things I’d like to do._

“Sure” I smiled back.

“Okay. There should be a movie already in. I think it’s a horror movie like The Conjuring or some shit. I’ll go make the popcorn.” He said as he walked towards the kitchen.

Levi came back a few minutes later, complete with the butter to butter the popcorn.

_I’d butter your popcorn any day._

However, it turns out that it was not The Conjuring in the VHR ( _seriously? Who even still has these?_ ). It wasn’t even a horror movie of any sort.

It was The Lion King.

**The fucking Lion King.**

Everyone on the entire planet Earth knows I hate The Lion King.

_Guess where it started playing from? Yup, you guessed it._

The Can You Feel The Love? scene.

_Fuck my life._

I looked over at Levi, who sat on the opposite end of the couch. His face gave nothing away.

_This is so awkward. Is he going to change the movie? Is he going to skip this part? I’ll wait and see if he does._

No such luck.

_It’s been 4 minutes. What is going on? Is he actually watching this? Ugh come on, Levi. Give me some answers._

Another **fucking half an hour later** , the movie ended, and Levi turned to face me. His sly grin took up most of his features.

“Did you enjoy that?” He asked, feigning innocence.

He did it on purpose. He made me watch this movie from the awkward love scene **on purpose.** He knows I hate the movie. Or at least, he should. Everyone else does.

_Did you know that Levi rearranged is Evil? Cause it certainly fits him perfectly in this instance._

_Stupid, sexy dwarf._

“Uh-huh” was all I gave him. He didn’t deserve a proper response for making me suffer through that. How dare he?

Levi moved closer to me on the couch, the grin not fading from his face.

“Come on, Eren. Don’t you just **love** Disney movies?”

“No” I replied curtly.

_Disney movies crush your childhood. Don’t even talk to me about Bambi and his mother. It was traumatizing for an eight year old Eren._

Levi’s grin didn’t falter.

“Want to watch Bambi next?” he chuckled. I could see something in his eyes, but I couldn’t place the emotion.

“NO. Fuck you!” I yelled before I realised what I was doing. I clapped my hand over mouth.

_Shit. I hope he doesn’t get angry at me for screaming at him._

Levi’s smug face quelled my worries.

_Oh good. He’s not offended by me screaming at him. However… screaming does seem like an excellent idea… in other rooms of this house… *cough* bedroom *cough*._

“Okay” he chuckled.

Levi then moved even closer to me, close enough so I could feel his breath on my face. It smelt like cinnamon and sex. Okay, maybe not sex. It was more like raspberries.

However, sex sounds good.

_See what his proximity does to me? Ugh._

“Eren” he whispered.

I didn’t say anything.

He leant forward. He was going to kiss me.

_I’m positive. I’m ready. Kiss me, my bootylicious dwarf._

I moved my head forward to meet his lips. A little too eagerly it seemed as I head-butted the poor guy and he fell back against the couch cushions. He didn’t move. I waited a few more moments. He still didn’t move. I panicked. **Oh my fucking God.**

_I don’t believe this. What do I do?!_

**_I’ve killed Stumpy._ **

**_Before I could get laid, too._ **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed this chapter.  
> Now, I have a question my lovelies. Do you want a Levi POV in the near future, or should I stick to writing Eren's POV?  
> I love hearing your feedback and maybe you could give me suggestions? What you like in the story? What you don't like? 
> 
> Tell me what you'd like in the story, and maybe I'll write it!
> 
> Other than that, thank you for your support! It is very much appreciated.


	8. Attack on Levi: Fly Edition.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Levi's POV of the events leading up to his 'death', as Eren calls it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You asked, and I delivered.  
> A Levi POV, complete with his cynical thoughts.

Eren Jaeger.

How do I begin to explain Eren Jaeger?

_Yes I just quoted mean girls, it’s a great movie._

I’d watched Eren from afar for a number of years. I’d watched him grow up from a squeaky-voiced preteen to a ( _dare I say it_ ) rather attractive teenager with legs that went on for miles and eyes that I felt I could get lost in. He’d never known about my existence, let alone acknowledged me, so I was forced to observe the ups and downs of his life from a distance.

_I know what you’re thinking. No, it’s not stalking. It’s watching from afar._

I had admitted to myself long ago that I had feelings for Eren Jaeger.

I had always been somewhat captivated by him due to his good-naturedness and natural affinity for athletics. It was a stark contrast to me, who was completely unapproachable and isolated myself from my peers, and who hated any kind of sport with a burning passion. Except maybe gym. Going to the gym satisfied my mother, who was always on my case about exercise and how good it is for you. I called bullshit. However, I can’t deny that the exercise at the gym had increased my fitness levels and made me much lighter on my feet (much to Eren’s dismay with the gym encounter).

Speaking of the gym encounter, I believed it was a stroke of luck from the Gods. I had to silently thank the fucknut who decided to throw the wad of paper at my head, resulting in me chasing after Eren. I knew that Eren didn’t throw the paper at my head, that much was obvious. He was too kind and innocent (from what I had heard) to do such a thing. However, I had a reputation to uphold as the ‘scary punk’, so I took off after him.

Obviously, I caught up to him, even if he was the Track Star, as the dimwit tripped over something (a rock? His own feet?). I struck up a deal with him: “Act like you’ve pissed yourself and I’ll take you to dinner”. He accepted my deal. I was surprised, but that didn’t stop me from internally hi-fiving myself.

I also noticed his boner, but I assumed it was one of those natural teenaged boy reactions. Eren was far too innocent for it to happen because of anything else.

_Right?_

I decided to tease him about it anyway, because why not? Personally, I thought that shit was hilarious. Although, the best part of my teasing was his reaction. He went as red as the boxers he was wearing.

_No, I didn’t look, I didn’t have to. His pants were sagging. I could see the V leading down to a thin trail of hair and my eyes lowered without my consent to his di-_

Mind out of the gutter, Levi. Don’t corrupt him with your less than pure thoughts.

_I’d like to corrupt him though. I could imagine his face as I had him in different positions screaming my name._

Anyway…

Don’t get me started on his typing abilities. He typed like he barely passed third grade. That was okay though, I could forgive that. We can’t all have brains _and_ beauty.

_I wonder if I’ll tell him his name is Bambi in my contact list._

Why Bambi, you ask?

_Have you not seen those turquoise doe-eyes that display every emotion he is feeling? Cause I have. I’m not usually a sappy guy, but **damn**._

Oh, and that random whale penis fact he decided to provide me with?

I laughed.

I really, really did.

It was so sudden that I just couldn’t **not** laugh.

The ‘date’ was a lot of fun. I enjoyed messing with Eren. He seemed extremely flustered when I showed him my tongue piercing, and call me sadistic, but I enjoyed it.

_Immensely._

I briefly felt pity for Eren, because it felt like I was ridding him of his purity. Did I care?

_Not at all._

His pick-up lines sucked though.

Jesus they were bad.

I noticed Eren seemed to perk up when I said we’d be going back to my house, and that there would be no one home (My mother was out with some friends). I felt a little happy that he enjoyed my company.

The walk home was boring. The only noteworthy happening was that a fly flew into my mouth and decided to hang on for dear life on one of my tonsils.

I coughed that little fucker out before he could do any serious damage.

**Attack on Levi: Fly Edition.**

When we finally got inside my house, Eren quizzes me on my tattoos and piercings. I tease him even more by hinting that my tattoo is in a covered up place.

_I bet he thinks it’s on my ass._

I tell him I have six piercings and he looks thoughtful for a moment. Then shock crosses his face.

Then he passes out.

**What the actual fuck.**

He rouses soon after, feeding me an excuse of not eating. Bullshit.

I drop the subject however, and we watch a movie.

_You bet your asses I made him watch Lion King. I love that movie._

I was fully aware that Eren hated the movie, but that made it even more enjoyable.

The movie finished soon after and he looked _pissed._

I managed to cheer him up (apparently by just laughing at him) and made my move.

I moved in closer to him.

I was going to kiss him.

My eyes flickered to his lips, then to his eyes.

I could see understanding flicker in his eyes, then he closed them, moving forward to meet my lips.

Or rather, my head.

A little too enthusiastically.

I was knocked out cold.

**_Fuck my life._ **

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed that.  
> I find Levi rather difficult to write, believe it or not, but I had a blast writing his POV.


	9. Stupid Buttmunchkin.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Whilst Levi is "dead", Eren wanders around the house.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another update!  
> This is back in Eren's POV, in case you didn't know.  
> Thank you everyone for your comments, kudos and hits.  
> They really mean a lot and encourage me to continue with whatever this is.
> 
> Enjoy!

Levi still hasn’t opened his eyes.

I don’t want to be charged with manslaughter. I don’t want to go to jail. Do you _know_ what happens in jail?

Jean’s words will forever haunt me to this day.

“Don’t drop the soap, Eren”

_Fuck my life._

Levi looked rather peaceful when he was sleeping (knocked out) though. I wonder if he was dreaming. Probably dreaming of me.

I could only hope.

_I can’t believe that he had tried to kiss me. It was totally unexpected, but not entirely unwelcome._

Truth be told, when he told he that he had a surprise for me, I expected that we would go home and he’d fuck me until I saw stars.

_God I wanted that so bad._

It’s odd. I didn’t even know he existed until a couple of days ago, but my entire thought process revolved around Levi and the things I wanted him to do to me. I was completely overwhelmed with the emotions he roused out of me. Lust, confusion, a little annoyance, happiness and some mischief.

**I think I might be falling for Levi.**

I don’t think he feels the same way though. The kiss was probably him messing around with me, and now he was dead on the couch.

_That worked out well for him, didn’t it?_

With Levi dead on the couch, it allowed me to survey my surroundings without him clouding my thoughts. He had a nice house actually. It was a little big to house just two people, but hey, it’s their house. The pink scattering the house wasn’t actually all that gaudy, now that I think about it. It added the ‘home’ to the house, I think.

I was extremely tempted to explore Levi’s bedroom, but that involved getting up and that takes effort. I also didn’t want to leave dead Levi alone, but my former reason was my main thought at that particular moment.

Should I? Or shouldn’t I?

_I think I should._

As carefully as I could, as to not shift the body, I rose to my feet and made my way to his bedroom.

Which involved finding it first.

Easier said than done.

After walking into Ms Zoe’s room, the games room ( _awesome!),_ the study, and the sex dungeon _(I mean, Ms Zoe’s extra room used for God knows what. I just saw metal contraptions and I was out of there. There’s no way in Hell I was going to accidently discover whatever the fuck my science teacher was into_ ), I finally found Levi’s bedroom.

It was immaculately clean. Seriously. There wasn’t anything out of place, and he had a lot of shit in his room. That was an incredible feat.

Within his room, I saw band memorabilia, posters of guys that I found kinda hot (it was the piercings, don’t judge me), his phone (he must have left it at home), and a rather inviting bed.

Very inviting indeed.

The covers and sheets were black, with a gold trimming. It was actually quite spiffy ( _did I just say spiffy? What the fuck._ )

The bed itself was one of those big, fancy, four poster beds that pornstars all seem to have.

_I wonder if Levi is a pornstar._

Or rather, **was**. I had to remind myself that I killed him. **Accidently.**

_Yeah, tell that to the court, Eren._

My attention was drawn to Levi’s phone when it lit up on his desk.

_I shouldn’t look. It’s private… fuck it._

I picked up the phone, and the message was from Ms Zoe. It was something along the lines of **“please make dinner for you and your friend, my little buttmunchkin.”**

_Wow… buttmunchkin… that’s a new one._

Ms Zoe knew that he had a friend?

_Was she talking about me?_

I scrolled down the notifications, because I was a nosy bastard, and I saw the texts I had sent him.

_Haha I remember that. It was hilarious._

I read the name at the top.

**Bambi.**

_Well, fuck you too, you stupid buttmunchkin (I’ll have to keep that name for later)._

I heard a noise coming from the lounge room, and I ran to investigate ( _Don’t ask me what would happen in a burglary. I’d probably run straight to the guy. I don’t have any self-preservation, as you can see._ )

When I re-entered the lounge room, nothing seemed out of place. Everything was where it should be and Levi was still dead (unfortunately).

_Wait… did his finger just twitch?_

I leant over his face to see if there was any other sign of life. I could find none.

Levi’s scent wafted into my nose and I wouldn’t help but sniff unconsciously.

_God he smelled good._

I leant in closer.

Then his eyes snapped open.

_Holy Shit._

I let out a _very manly_ scream as I flung myself back.

**LEVI HAS COME BACK FROM THE DEAD.**

**AND I’M ABOUT TO JOIN THE DEAD JUDGING BY THE LOOK ON HIS FACE.**


	10. Bootylicious Dwarf is a Compliment.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Did you just call me a dwarf” I asked. That’s so fucking rude.  
> “A bootylicious dwarf” He corrected.  
> “Well why didn’t you say so? That’s such a nice compliment from you”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *slips a Levi POV in*  
> Oops.  
> Enjoy!

 

**LEVI POV:**

 

This little shit.

What the fuck is he doing hovering over my head?

What the fuck happened? The last thing I remember, I was trying to kiss the little shit, then he head-butts me, knocking me out cold.

_What the fuck, Eren._

I was finally able to open my eyes, and there is was. Right there. In my face.

Why the fuck is he screaming?

“L-Levi” he stuttered out. “I thought you died”

_You have got to be fucking with me._

“I might have if you hit my head any harder. Jesus. What were you even trying to do? Knock me out? If you didn’t want to kiss me, all you had to do was say so.” I tried to hide the bitterness in my voice.

I looked at the clock. I had been knocked out for 45 minutes.

_Oh fuck no._

“Wait no that’s not what I meant to do. I mean, I wanted you to do it. I was ready. I was all like ‘kiss me my bootylicious dwarf’ and I leaned forward to kiss you back.” He rushed out.

_Wait a minute…_

“Did you just call me a dwarf?” I asked. _That’s so fucking rude._

“A **bootylicious** dwarf” He corrected.

“Well why didn’t you say so? That’s such a nice compliment from you” My tone dripped with sarcasm. If sarcasm were a human, I would be the embodiment.

“I sense some sarcasm here” He grinned.

_Fuck you and your grin. I’m trying to be angry with you._

I just rolled my eyes.

“How’s your head?” he asked. _Aww he has compassion after all._

“I feel like my head has been indented”

_Okay, maybe that was an exaggeration. Sue me._

“Sorry” he had the decency to look abashed. His eyes sparkled when he pouts. I never noticed that before.

“You better be.” I mock glared. Somehow my anger had dissipated. “Wait a minute. Did you say you wanted me to kiss you? That you were going to kiss me back?”

His blush was delicious.

“Yes…” he squeaked out.

_He's so hot when he's embarrassed._

_Let's see how far I can go._

I stalked forwards to him.

He moved backwards.

For every step he took back, I took one forward.

I continued this until I had him pinned against the wall.

_Somewhat hard since he’s taller, but height be damned._

I pulled him down and put my lips against his ear.

“Eren.” I purred. “Do you want to kiss me?”

I received a gulp in response.

“Eren.” I tried again. “Do you want to kiss me?” I ended the sentence with a lick up the shell of his ear.

He shivered.

“Yes” he whispered.

“What was that?” I asked. “I couldn’t hear you” I moved my knee between his legs, brushing his (rather hard) dick.

I earned a quiet moan in response. “I want to kiss you, Levi” he said in a voice that surprisingly didn’t wobble.

“What else do you want to do?” I purred into his ear. My fingers started tracing up and down his thigh.

“I-I want you to fu-“ His voice hitched at the end of the sentence when I started tracing the bulge in his pants.

“You want me to do what?” I smirked playfully.

I was determined to make him come undone by my touch alone.

“I want you to fuck me” He yelled, and it reverberated throughout the house.

I heard a snort come from the front door, and both mine and Eren’s heads snapped towards the source of the sound.

It was my mother.

“Oh no boys, please don’t stop on my behalf” She sounded like she was on the verge of pissing herself with laughter. _Wonderful._

_Stupid Karma._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *fans self* A little hot in here?  
> Who expected that little plot twist?  
> I surely didn't.  
> Thank you everyone so much for over 2100 hits. You have no idea how ecstatic I am.


	11. Ever Heard of iTunes, You Caveman?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Back to Levi's room for some fun.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh My God, guys. I posted a chapter yesterday and I had 2100 hits.  
> Not even 24 hours and I have 2300 hits.  
> You guys are amazing.  
> Seriously. You guys are my motivation.
> 
> Thank you.

_ **EREN POV:** _

 

“What else do you want to do?” Levi purred into my ear. I could feel his fingers tracing up and down my thigh.

“I-I want you to fu-“ My voice hitched at the end of the sentence. Kind of hard not to if someone was tracing your obvious boner over your pants.

“You want me to do what?” He smirked playfully.

_He’s enjoying this far too much._

“I want you to fuck me” I yelled, and it reverberated throughout the house.

_Shit. I hope no one hears us._

I heard a snort come from the front door, and both mine and Levi’s heads snapped towards the source of the sound.

It was my science teacher.

“Oh no boys, please don’t stop on my behalf” She sounded like she was on the verge of cackling with laughter.

Stupid fucking Hange Zoe.

Right when I’m about to get laid, she’s at the door and barely concealing her laughter.

_Why do I have the worst luck? Have I pissed off Karma or something? Have I upset the Sex Gods? Cause it certainly feels like it._

“Don’t mind me, boys. I’ll just be heading into my study. If you need anything, just ask. Don’t be too loud, okay?” She winked. She fucking winked.

_Boner officially gone. Thanks Ms Zoe._

Levi just flipped her off in response. I would do so too, but I felt like that would be kinda rude to do. I have to make a good first impression.

_We see how well that went, Eren._

_Shut up, Eren._

_That’s really rude, Eren._

_Boohoo, you wimp._

_I’m you, smartass._

“Eren.” My subconscious’ battle was interrupted by Levi.

_I can’t believe you screamed out for him to fuck you. You’re such a dork._

_Shut **up** , Eren._

“Yes Levi?” I asked.

“Do you want to come to my room? I want to show you some CDs I have that you might like” He asked, a little blasé, but I knew better.

“Sure thing, Levi” I smiled at him.

_You’re forgetting that you’ve already been into his room, Idiot._

Oh right.

Levi moved to his room, and I followed closely. There was no way in Hell I would accidently run into Ms Zoe right now. I would fucking die, Jesus Christ.

_Although, she did seem pretty chill about her son just about fucking me on the wall._

I entered Levi’s room for the second time today, and **_what a surprise_**. Nothing was out of place.

“Sorry about my mother. She can be a bit too much sometimes” He apologised.

“Nah. I’m used to my mom barging into my room at awkward times”

_Did I just admit that my mom walks into my room when I masturbate? I think I did._

His chuckled echoed around the room.

“Anyway, listen to this song. I think you’ll like it.” He said cryptically.

He opened his CD player and put in a red disk.

_What ever happened to iTunes, you caveman?_

“What’s it called?” I asked.

“Hey Baby” He responded.

“Never heard it.” I said, confused.

“Then you’ll have to listen” He winked.

_What is it with this family and winking?_

The song started playing.

I noticed it was a little on the… sexier side. Interesting.

I glanced back and I saw him minutely gyrate his hips.

_My mouth might have salivated a bit. Could you blame me though?_

His head turned to look at me, and the same predatory gleam from earlier was back.

He smirked, then licked his lips.

_Welp. There goes my blood supply._

Levi pulled me up from the swivel chair, and pushed me back onto the bed. I landed with a soft thud.

He climbed onto the bed, and straddled my hips. I was positive that my mouth was wide open at this point. I was so surprised at his audacity and bravery, considering his mother was in the other room.

“Eren. Look at me.” He said softly. It sounded like velvet.

I looked up at him, and he had a faint smile hinting at his lips.

“I won’t continue if you don’t want to. I know we’re moving really quickly, and that you might not be comfortable with doing this with my mother next door. Just know I’ve waited for God knows how many years to be close with you. Now that I can be, I want to make sure you want to as well. If you don’t want to, I understand. We can still be friends.” He whispered, eyes searching mine.

_Wow. I don’t know what to say. **Years?** That’s incredible._

“I want to do it, Levi. I may not have known you for long, but I’ve never been so sure about anything in my entire life.” I smiled up at him.

I sat upright so I could look him in the eyes.

“Now wreck my ass” I winked at him.

“You’re so eloquent, Jaeger.” He chuckled.

_Fucking finally! Now I’ll finally be able to be laid and all these pining feelings will get the fuck out. This is what I need. Fuck him, then get him out my system._

**_The thing is though, do I want to get him out of my system?_ **

Levi leaned forward to bite the junction between my neck and my shoulder.

Jesus Christ did it feel good.

_I think I made an orgasm face and noise._

How embarrassing.

That’s how Hange found us. My mouth dropped open in an ‘O’ shape and Levi biting into my neck like a goddamn vampire. He was Edward Cullen again, it seemed.

“Do you guys want anything? Some snacks? A condom?” She smirked. She knew she was quoting Mean Girls.

She fucking knew.

_You have got to be fucking with me._

**_Did I murder someone in my past life? What the fuck did I do to deserve this?_ **

**_Why Me?_ **

**_Why is it always me?_ **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the last of cock-blocking Hange, I promise! (or is it?)  
> Again, thank you for all your support. It really makes me happy.
> 
> Any ideas of who you want introduced next? What will happen?
> 
> Message me!
> 
> Thank you! *throws confetti*  
> Have a great day, everyone.


	12. My Dear Buttmuchkin, Levi.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A little of Levi and Hange's backstory.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guys.  
> You're amazing.  
> 2600 hits.  
> That's incredible.  
> Thank you so much for all your support! You truly are spectacular. :*
> 
> Also, what's this? A Hange POV? Don't mind if I do.
> 
> Enjoy!

_**Hange POV:** _

 

Do I regret walking in on the most inconvenient times for Levi?

_No._

Am I trying to protect Eren’s virginity?

_No._

Am I trying to protect Levi’s virginity?

_God no. The kid needs to get laid ASAP._

Then what am I doing, you ask?

It’s simple really. I’m putting them off any of these sexual exploitations they wish to do until they both realise their feelings for one another, without sex being mixed in.

When they admit to themselves, and each other, that they are unconditionally and irrevocably in love with one another ( _Thanks Stephanie Meyer_!), they are free to do whatever they want.

Which I’m pretty sure is fuck each other’s brains out, at the moment.

Eren was one of my students, as well, so I assumed that walking in on him was a little awkward. He had a lot to learn. There was no such thing as awkward in this family.

_I wonder if Eren could cope with our family. I wonder if he’ll stick around. I wonder if he’ll wear the wedding dress, or if Levi would… oops… it seems I’m getting ahead of myself._

_However, my thoughts generally **do** come true._

I hope Eren likes it here. He’d make a wonderful son. He is a wonderful student, after all. His grades could be better, but they aren’t anything to sneeze over. He just needs to apply himself a little more. However, he had a gorgeous personality that I absolutely adore. The Jaegers must be very proud.

My main priority though, is Levi.

I have seen how quickly Levi jumps into things for years now, ever since he came into my life at the tender age of seven, in fact.

Yes, Levi is adopted.

That much is obvious. We look nothing alike and his personality is so polar opposite to my own, yet we love each other unconditionally, which is all that matters to me. You could take away my job, my pets and my scientific projects, and I still wouldn’t be as upset as if I lost Levi. He’s the only one I have.

_Yes you heard me. Single mother with an angsty teenage boy. Oh the joy._

But I wouldn’t trade it for the world.

Levi had come to me after I volunteered to help foster some kids at the local orphanage. He had only been there a couple of months. The caretakers told me he was the only survivor of a car crash. Both his parents had passed away in the incident. My heart broke for the tiny ravenette. I was immediately drawn to him, however. It was something in his eyes. They held unrestrained passion and calculated every minute detail around the room.

I fostered him for three years.

The orphanage wanted him back after that, but I refused. I adopted him the next day and he was officially my son. It was the best day of my life.

Sometimes I didn’t understand him, which was okay. He didn’t understand me either. I had asked him to call me Hange, since I knew calling me ‘mom’ or ‘mother’ might bring up painful memories for him.

A month later and that’s all he called me. Mom.

I had tears in my eyes.

That was eight years ago. He still calls me mom.

I still cry when I think he’s not looking.

I assure you though, I’m not just going to tell you all the tear jerking stuff. I have a story about when he came out to me as gay when he was thirteen. God, he was petrified…

* * *

 

_ 5 Years Ago: _

_“Mom” he called out._

_“Yes Levi?” I called back, walking into the lounge._

_“Sit down, I need to talk to you about something” He said softly. He looked worried._

_“Did you get into another fight again?” I asked. He was notorious for picking fights._

_“No. Just listen” He said, annoyed._

_Don’t get your knickers in a twist… hey that reminds me of a story… Maybe I’ll tell it later._

_“Okay” I sat down._

_“Look… I’ve been doing some thinking…” He started, his voice wobbling slightly._

_“That’s always good” I teased._

_He shot me a glare._

_“As I was saying… I’ve been doing some thinking and I think I might be gay.” He said in a rush._

_“Oh? Okay. I thought it was something serious, like you killed someone.” I giggled._

_“This is serious! Aren’t you mad? Disappointed? Aren’t you going to yell at me?” He looked like he was on the verge of tears._

_“Levi, my buttmunchkin” He glared at me again. “I honestly do not mind what preference you have. Whatever you like, pursue it. The world is too full of judgement as it is. I couldn’t judge you no matter how hard I tried. You’re perfect to me and I love you just the way you are.” I opened my arms, inviting him in for a hug._

_He leapt into my arms. He fit too, cause my God was he still small as ever._

_This was the first and only time I had seen Levi cry._

_It was happy tears though._

_And that’s all that counted._

* * *

 

_ Back To Present: _

So you see, our two person family might be a little strange, but we have each other.

That’s all that matters.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This honestly turned out so much more sad and feel-y than I expected, but I hope you enjoyed Hange's POV and Levi's backstory.
> 
> Stay tuned! Next chapter will include major hilarity and mishaps.


	13. Super Bass.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some humour to lighten the mood.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I couldn't leave on such a bittersweet note, so here's some pure hilarity, which also serves to move the plot along.
> 
> Thank you for reading! xx

_**Eren POV:** _

 

“You know what, Levi?” I asked. “How about we try this another time when there will be no distractions?”

He hummed in response.

“So, uh, do you want to play a board game?” I asked.

“Sure” he responded, and got off my hips to walk to the games room.

“You want to play Monopoly?” He asked from the other room.

“Nah, it takes too long” I called back.

“How about Scrabble?” he asked again.

My eyes lit up.

_You’re going down, Shorty._

“You’re on!”

* * *

 

**_ 10 minutes later: _ **

“Eren! What the fuck of a word is ‘wreng’?!” Levi yelled.

“Don’t be jealous because you couldn’t think of a better word!” I yelled back.

“I’m not jealous! I’m the one who’s winning! You’re just cheating now.” He glared, angrily.

“Calm your tits.” I said calmly. _That is so unlike me._

“Being a dick isn’t going to make yours any bigger, you lard” Was his comeback.

“I’d call you a dick, but you’re not real enough to be one, thus you are a dildo.” I fired back.

“At least I don’t trip over dirt” He smirked.

_Oh. It. Is. On._

“At least my head reaches people’s kneecaps” I said slyly.

_Jesus Christ. If looks could kill…_

“At least I don’t make orgasm noises when someone bites me” He whispered, then winked.

_He went there. He actually went there._

I was about to fire my best comeback of all, when Ms Zoe walked through the door and sat down on the couch. She had a shit-eating grin on her face.

“Hello Ms Zoe” I said awkwardly.

“Oh honey. Just Hange is fine” She laughed.

I thought I heard her mumble “You’ll call me mom soon anyway” but I ignored it. I was probably hearing things.

Hange turned to Levi with the same grin on her face.

“Levi, my darling, I was doing the washing, and I found these in your washing basket.” She pulled out some lacy red panties from behind her back, and Levi’s face dropped in an instant.

_Why are there lacy panties in his washing basket…? Did he have a girl over?! What the fuck!? I was about to give him my body and my heart and girl, you know I don’t play like that._

_How fucking rude._

_Do I look like a booty call?_

_Nah uh._

Apparently I go stereotypically ghetto when jealous. Who knew?

Then Hange quelled my fears.

“Are you dressing in women’s underwear again?” she smiled. “I thought you grew out of it.”

_Wow why is she not passing judgement? If I did that my mother would be calling the damn priest and exorcising me (Exaggeration, of course)._

“They’re just more comfortable than men’s boxers, okay?” He sighed.

He turned to me.

“Sorry about my mother, she likes to embarrass me sometimes” He gave me a weak smile.

“Oh don’t worry, no judgement here. I’ve tried it once or twice.” I smiled.

“What kind?” He shot back.

“Boyleg. G-strings are the devil, man” I laughed.

He just nodded in agreement. “God, I know right?”

Hange then spoke up.

“I’m going to go make dinner, since Levi here didn’t bother to make it” She mocked glared, but I could tell there was only humour and love behind it. “You’re welcome to stay, Eren”

“I’d love to, but I best be heading back. Mom’s making spaghetti” I smiled. “When u mom make te spaghetti” I mumbled. _God I loved memes._

Levi laughed under his breath.

He heard me.

“I’ll walk you home then.” He responded, and we got up to collect our things. The Scrabble game long forgotten.

_Wreng is still a word, though. Stupid, jealous Levi._

We exited the front door after I bid Hange a farewell.

Along the way, Super Bass started playing in my head for some unknown reason.

_Don’t fucking judge me. Nicki is a poetic genius._

I sang along with the lyrics.

 

**This one is for the boys with the booming system**

**Top down, AC with the cooling system**

**When he come up in the club, he be blazin' up**

**Got stacks on deck like he savin' up**

_“_ Are you singing Nicki Minaj?” He asked, incredulous.

“Yes” Was all the answer I provided him.

I shook my hips and gyrated a little, like Nicki did.

**And he ill, he real, he might got a deal**

**He pop bottles and he got the right kind of bill**

**He cold, he dope, he might sell coke**

**He always in the air, but he never fly coach**

**He a motherfucking trip, trip, sailor of the ship, ship**

**When he make it drip, drip kiss him on the lip, lip**

**That's the kind of dude I was lookin' for**

**And yes you'll get slapped if you're lookin' hoe**

Levi was pissing himself with laughter.

I decided to ham it up a bit.

 

**I said, excuse me, you're a hell of a guy**

**I mean my, my, my, my you're like pelican fly**

**I mean, you're so shy and I'm loving your tie**

I flicked my hair and twerked along the side walk.

Levi had tears in his eyes.

 

**You're like slicker than the guy with the thing on his eye, oh**

**Yes I did, yes I did, somebody please tell him who the F I is**

**I am Nicki Minaj, I mack them dudes up, back coupes up, and chuck the deuce up**

Then to my surprise, he joined in.

**Boy, you got my heartbeat runnin' away**

**Beating like a drum and it's coming your way**

**Can't you hear that boom, badoom, boom, boom, badoom, boom, bass?**

**You got that super bass**

**Boom, badoom, boom, boom, badoom, boom, bass**

**Yeah, that's the super bass**

**(Boom)**

**(You got that super bass)**

**Boom, badoom, boom, boom, badoom, boom, bass**

**He got that super bass**

**Boom, badoom, boom, boom, badoom, boom, bass**

**He got that super bass**

We erupted into a fit of uncontrollable laughter.

_Wow, look at us. Bonding over Nicki Minaj._

My street finally came up, and I bid Levi farewell. I twerked again for his enjoyment. He had to clear his throat. I assumed it was to stifle the laughter. Then again, it could be because I had a great ass.

_Dayum, right?_

Levi waved good bye, and promised he’d text me in the morning. I went straight up to my room.

I relived our walk home. I couldn’t sleep due to how hard I was laughing.

_God, I love him._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah... I have no excuse.  
> I did this because I could.  
> Please don't judge me :P
> 
> Stay tuned!


	14. The Zit.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eren and the war on the zit.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! *throws confetti*  
> 'Tis I again!  
> I hope you like the change of scenery :)

The Next Morning:

 

I woke up to the sound of my phone vibrating.

It was Levi.

I had a text.

_Yay. Yay. Yay._

The screen was unlocked, and there greeted me a lovely, heartfelt message from Stumpy. I thought I should change it to something nicer… but then I thought about how he had me named as Bambi in his phone, and the thought quickly disappeared.

From Stumpy: **“Get your ass out of bed, I have plans for you today.”**

_But its Saturday ugh why can’t I sleep in. Fuck you, Levi._

As if reading my thoughts, I received another text message.

From Stumpy: **“I can tell you’re trying to go back to sleep. Get up. I have caramel fudge. I’ll be there in an hour.”**

I leapt out of bed quicker than the speed of light, and unfortunately tangled my foot in the sheet. I plummeted to my death on the wooden floor.

_Holy fuck that hurt. Jesus Christ._

I freed my foot from the clutches of the sadistic sheet, and made my way over to the bathroom.

After a brisk shower, I decided to make myself presentable in front of the mirror.

That’s when I noticed it.

**The zit.**

The enemy of teenagers across the globe.

It was located right in the middle of my forehead, like some goddamn homing device.

“Motherfucker.” I hissed into the mirror, squinting at the traitorous red dot that sat smugly on my face.

_Levi is probably going to be staring at it and oh God I cannot handle this embarrassment._

Then my father walks in.

“You called?” He asked, smugly.

_Oh my God that is the worst dad joke I have ever heard. Jesus fucking Christ._

“Go away, you horrible human being I am not in the mood for your stupid dad jokes.” I seethed.

He answered with a throaty laugh and exited my room, after depositing my washing on my bed.

_Stupid dad. Thinks he’s a walking and talking Tumblr post ugh._

Back to this zit.

What am I going to do?!

I didn’t have a clue on how to get rid of it.

So I googled it.

_Google always has the right answers, right?_

Of course it does.

I sat down and scanned remedies on my laptop. Hmm.

Lemon Juice? _Nah_

Toothpaste? _Nope._

Boiling a metal spoon and putting it on the zit? _Perfect._

_I’ll burn the little fucker._

I went down to the kitchen, and surprisingly my mother wasn’t there. She must be out getting groceries. Anyway…

I took out one of our metal spoons and put it in a bowl. The water took a few minutes to boil, and when it did, I poured it into the bowl.

I tapped my foot impatiently.

Finally the spoon was boiled enough. I poured the water out, and clutched the spoon carefully, so I didn’t burn my hands.

I breathed deeply and brought the spoon to my face.

 _“Now or Never. Zit be gone.”_ I chanted mentally. It probably sounded like I was summoning some Acne God. I most likely was.

Finally I placed the spoon on the offending zit.

Wrong move.

Such a bad move, Jesus MotherFucking Christ.

I screamed bloody murder as I realised what I had just done.

Tears filled my eyes as I threw the spoon onto the counter. It hurt so badly I wanted to be sick.

My dad could be heard from the other room. He sounded like a choking dog due to him laughing so hard.

Maybe he’ll create a Tumblr just so he can write about my idiotic escapade.

I ran up to my bathroom and looked back into the mirror. Not only was the zit three times as red as it was before, but now the surrounding skin started blistering and peeling.

_Great._

What was Levi going to think? What do I do?

I didn’t have time to ponder that.

He knocked on the door.

_Fuck my life._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please do not try to get rid of zits this way.  
> You will burn your face.  
> Trust me.  
> Just trust me.
> 
> Thank you for reading! xx


	15. The Levi Fan Club.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Levi sees the burn dun dun dun.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've done it!  
> I have written another chapter!  
> I've been so busy lately, but I haven't forgotten about you guys!
> 
> Thanks for waiting! :)

I ran down the stairs, passing my still cackling father (he still sounded like a dog), to reach the front door. I eagerly opened it, temporarily forgetting my predicament in regards to the burn on my face, and was greeted by Levi in all his midget glory.

_Truly a work of art he is. If there is a God, he obviously had a sense of humour, making Levi absolute perfection, but then giving Levi the short (see what I did there?) end of the stick when it came to his height._

_God listen to me. I sound like a twelve year old fan girl. Not that I’m judging fan girls. I totally understand where they’re coming from._

_I’d totally make a Levi fan club. Maybe I’ll even be the president._

_I’m totally going to start up a Levi fan club._

“Hey Eren, how ar- what the fuck happened to your face?” He inquired, oh so eloquently.

“It’s a long story and it involves, spoons, the devil incarnate in the form of a monster zit, hot water and my asshole of a dad.” I replied.

_Forget dad, **I** should make a Tumblr and recount all the hilarious mishaps that had happened to me. Obviously there wouldn’t be many (that was a lie)._

“Anyway” I said. “Come inside, let me just fix myself up in the bathroom, and then we can go out”

“Sounds like a plan” He agreed.

Levi followed me inside, and I directed him to my couch in the living room. He made a comment about how he’d have to sanitise it first.

_Well that was uncalled for, Levi._

I ignored the insult, and walked upstairs to the bathroom.

Now. What am I going to use to cover it up?

A bandage?

Mikasa’s foundation?

A paper bag?

All good options, but I decided on a humble Band-Aid. It would do the trick.

I traipsed downstairs to find Levi huddled in the corner, looking terrified.

“What are you doing?” I inquired.

“There was a bug on the couch.” He answered.

_You have got to be fucking with me._

“Just kill it if it’s bugging you” _Holy shit I made a pun._

Levi just glared at me. He obviously got the pun.

“I can’t kill it, it hasn’t done anything” He said, shocked.

_A punk who can’t kill anything. He is literally the softest person I’ve ever met._

“Aren’t you supposed to be a little more hard-core?” I asked.

_If looks could kill…_

“Just because I choose to look this way, doesn’t mean I have to have the stereotypical emotions that come with being punk. I refuse to be stereotyped.” He said.

_Oh, so a hipster punk?_

“Anyway” He said casually. “I have plans for us today”

I wondered what he could have had in store. Knowing him, we might go to the graveyard or something.

“Where are we going?” I asked.

“We’re going shopping” He replied. He had a mischievous gleam in his eye. _Yes please._

I was confused.

“Shopping?” I inquired.

“Yes shopping. We’re going to look for some new clothes for you.” He answered.

I was slightly offended.

“What’s wrong with the clothes I have on now?” I asked, miffed.

_You know what they say, ladies. Don’t date a guy who wants you to change yourself. Stay true to you. If you can’t love yourself, how the hell you gonna love anyone else (Thanks RuPaul!)._

“There’s nothing wrong with them, I’m just taking you out for a bit of fun.” He smiled.

_I don’t trust that smile. Nope nope nope._

“mmkay” I said, casually.

New clothes are always good, especially when someone else is buying them.

“Then come on, let’s go.” He said, a little bit excited ( _breaking stereotypes again, Levi?)._

I followed him to the door and asked.

“Are we taking your car?”

I didn’t like his answer.

“No, we’re walking. You need some fresh air.”

You’d think a track star like me wouldn’t mind the exercise, but I did. You want to know why?

The mall was nine blocks away.

_Wonderful._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ta-da!  
> This is just a filler, but I'm sure it'll pick up in a chapter or two.  
> I have *big* things planned. :)
> 
> Thank you for reading!


	16. Beestings.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eren and Levi stop for lunch.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so I had a free period at school today and my friend demanded that I update. So I did.  
> I'm such a bad student. Forgive me, mother.
> 
> I wrote this at school. I hid it from the teachers with my ninja reflexes. 
> 
> It was thrilling.
> 
> Enjoy!

_**Eren POV:** _

"Do we have to walk all that way?" I whined.

"Yes we do, don't be a baby about it. The fresh air will do you good" He answered.

_I'd like to do your body good._

"Ugh fine. Let's get a move on then. God knows with my luck it'll start raining." I lamented.

"Well don't jinx it then" He grumbled.

_Well fine then, Mr. Grumpy Gills._

Levi exited the house, with me following closely in tow. I decided I would walk behind him. He had a nice ass, as aforementioned.

_Ass is such a crude word. Maybe I should use a more eloquent word. Let's think..._

**Levi's Scrumptious Rear.**

_Maybe not._

**Levi's Booty.**

_Nah._

**Levi's Delectable Derrière.**

_Perfect._

My eyes followed Levi's Delectable Derrière as it swayed from side to side when he walked.

 _My anaconda don't want none unless you got buns, Hun..._ _Ammiright?_

_God I'm pathetic._

My mind kept wandering to what he had said the other day, about him waiting years to get close to me. I was flattered. It made my heart do little twists and jumps like a little show dog. What the fuck? When have I ever been so sappy? Levi's changing my whole personality. He's making me get all these unwanted emotions. Gah.

 **The funny thing was that I liked it**.

Yup. I'm completely in love with Levi.

Too bad he doesn't feel the same way.

* * *

 

**_ 30 minutes later:  _ **

After what felt like hours (it was only half an hour), we finally arrived at the mall. Hallelujah. I glanced over at Levi, to see him pulling out his wallet.

"Before we go shopping, I'm buying some lunch. Do you want anything?"

I looked him straight in the eye and didn't blink.

"Sausages" I said simply.

 _Obvious innuendo is obvious_.

He blinked at me, then turned to survey the food hall. "I  don't think any place sells sausages, Eren. However I do think they have a Taco Bell somewhere here."

**_I don't want a fucking taco, Levi._ **

"No thanks. I'll just get a burger from Burger King." I sighed.

"You'd think with all the exercise you do and how good you are with athletics, you'd have a healthier diet." He said, sarcastically.

"That was was very judgmental of you. I came here to have a good time and honestly I'm feeling so attacked right now." I said, offended.

Levi blinked.

Then he laughed.

"Eren you meme-loving fuck. Just buy some food."

 _Still slightly offended_.

"Fine."

I went to the Burger King and waited in line. The line quickly moved and I was ordering my food in no time. It would have been an easy interaction if I had a different person to take my order. This girl was the devil incarnate I swear. That, or she had a massive stick up her.... Derrière.

 _Fuck it. I'm going to start using ass again. However the name still stands for Levi's Delectable Derrière_.

"Why the fuck are you staring into space? Order your food." The person said.

"Excuse me. That's not very customer friendly of you... Rico" I looked at her name badge.

"I don't care. I work in a dead ended job and have to serves fuckwits like you for a living. Also I know you looking at my name badge was just an excuse to look at my tits. Pervert." She hissed.

 _Oh, you bitch_.

"Honey" I drawled out. "I'm gayer than the Fourth of July and New Years combined. I highly doubt I would take an interest in those beestings you call breasts" I countered. God it felt good.

Her jaw dropped and her eyes widened.

Then she snapped.

"These are not beestings I paid good money for them. Everyone likes them do you know how many compliments I get? How dare you oh my God I am livid."

 _Jesus, she had a shrill voice. She sounds like a Chihuahua_.

"Whatever, Indented Cardboard. I'll be going now."

 _Good idea. She'll probably spit in my food_.

I left Little Miss Sunshine to go back to Levi... With no food.

Levi looked up at me and gave me a questioning look.

 _Yeah pity me_.

She was a meanie.

"What happened?" He asked.

"I had a lovely conversation with the Burger King worker, and we decided that it would be best for me to not subject myself to the toxins found in fast food." I said, seriously.

He gave me a look.

"She called me a fuckwit and I told her she had beestings for breasts."

Levi shook his head.

"That is literally the most stereotypical and hilarious thing you've ever said, Eren" he laughed.

I struck a pose. Girl you know it.

He just chuckled further.

"So what are you going to eat then?" He asked.

**_You._ **

"I'll find something later, I'm actually not that hungry."

He nodded his head.

"Okay. Well I'm done so we can go shopping now. I hope you have some money."

_Hell yeah I have money._

_I'll make it rain. Levi can be my stripper_.

_Oh no. The image. Levi and a stripper pole. Abort. Abort._

"Yes I do" I said, blushing. Curse my body and its reactions.

"Then let's go" he grabbed my hand and pulled me towards the stores.

He's holding my hand.

_Oh my God._

_I'm going to faint._

_No keep it together, Eren._

_Jesus Christ I need help._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't write pervy thoughts at school, guys.  
> You could get caught.
> 
> However, It does add a certain thrill.


	17. Eren's New Piercing.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eren goes badass.
> 
> Maybe.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello!  
> Here's another chapter, my lovelies!  
> I hope you enjoy! xx

Levi literally dragged me around the mall.

I swear I had bruises on my wrist. What was I? Some mule that gets carted around?

_I think not._

“Hey Eren. I think we should go into Victoria’s Secret, don’t you?” He grinned.

_Was he insane? I thought only girls go into Victoria’s Secret. I mean… isn’t it lingerie?_

“But why?” I asked, confused.

“I need new underwear, and besides. I think you should get some too. Just for the laughs.” The ‘or for real’ was left unspoken.

“I guess we could...” I said hesitantly.

I didn’t have time to take back my answer before I was being pulled into the store.

We browsed for a while, finding a few pieces of underwear here and there. The store was actually really quiet, so it was just Levi, myself and the sales clerk. After a little while longer, the sales clerk came up to us.

“Are you looking for something for your girlfriends?” She asked, politely.

_Finally some actual customer service. Praise Jesus._

“No actually, we’re looking for some for ourselves” I smiled at her.

Her face dropped minutely. She glanced at Levi, then back to me. We were told that if we needed anything, that we should just call for her. I think she was a little creeped out.

_Or maybe she’s jealous… Jealous that my ass would look better than hers in these…_

I looked at the underwear in my hand.

_Leopard print bikini slim fit panties._

Yeah. She was jealous.

I ended up buying the underwear (for the lols… maybe), and Levi bought some nice little black boylegs. I don’t know why it’s such a crime to wear women’s underwear… it’s much more breathable.

“Where do you want to go now?” He asked.

I scanned my surroundings. So many places.

“I don’t know actually” I said.

It was Levi’s turn to look around, and his eyes stopped at a tattoo place called Wall Maria Tattoos and Piercings. It sounded… delicate actually.

“There” was all he said.

_Oh okay. Maybe he wants a new tattoo or piercing. That’s cool… no I’m not drooling. What are you talking about?_

We moved towards the parlour, and went inside.

Forget what I said about delicate. This place was decked out in leather, chains and metal everywhere you looked. It was like a biker’s wet dream. The couches looked worn and I was suddenly fearing for my life.

A man walked out to greet us. He had blonde hair and blue eyes with a smile that could give an angel a cavity. He was tall. I’d say about 6’2. He was actually pretty good looking. The tattoos that covered his arms and torso looked like an artwork. The tank top he was wearing only served to hi-light that fact.

_Can I be this man? Oh my God he’s so cool holy shit._

“Hello gentlemen. My name is Erwin. What can I do for you today?” He smiled at us.

I turned to Levi, waiting for him to tell Erwin what he wanted, but Levi was looking at me.

“Eren, do you want a lobe piercing or an eyebrow piercing?” He asked me.

_Wait, what?_

“Wait, what do you mean?” I asked, my eyes widening.

“You’re going to get a piercing. Which one do you want?” He answered.

_Wait I’m not ready for this. I mean, I’ve always wanted one, but I’ve never had the opportunity to get it done. God I’m gonna look so cool aww yeah._

“I think I’ll get a lobe piercing.” I said finally.

“Okay” said Erwin. “I’ll just go get the gun set up.”

_THE GUN?!_

Erwin walked away before I could protest.

“What does he mean ‘the gun’”? I asked Levi, panicked.

“It’s a piercing gun. Don’t worry it doesn’t hurt. Trust me I know” He indicated to his ear piercings.

I was slightly soothed.

“Okay” I let out a breath.

“The gun is ready now” Erwin reappeared.

_Bring it on._

I followed Erwin, with Levi closely in tow. I was directed to sit on a chair and to relax.

_Easier said than done._

Erwin told me about how I had to be careful with it, and to look after it and all that shit.

Then he brought out the gun.

_Holy shit that thing looks like it can do damage._

“Just relax” Said Erwin.

I tried. It didn’t work.

He lined the gun up with my ear.

_Oh no oh no on no._

“Okay. I’m going to count to three, and then I’m going to fire the gun.” He said.

_Shit shit shit shit shit._

“Okay” I said, weakly.

“One” He said.

_Fuck fuck fuck_

“Two”

_Why did I agree to this? Why why why._

“Three”

_This is it. I’m going to die._

The piercing went in.

I cried.

* * *

 

**_ 10 minutes later: _ **

“I can’t believe you cried” Laughed Levi as we walked out of the parlour. It took me eight minutes to calm down and two minutes to pay for the stupid piercing.

_Shut up, Satan._

“I didn’t cry. My eyes were sweating.” I said, huffily.

He continued laughing.

I couldn’t believe I cried myself, actually. It wasn’t that painful at all. There was a girl of about seven next to me getting her ears done too. She didn’t cry.

_I’m such a wuss, dear God._

My piercing looked kind of cool though. I looked pretty badass. Fear me.

“For being such a good boy, I’ll buy you some ice-cream” Said Levi.

_I’m positive he’s patronising me._

“Cookies n’ Cream” I answered him. If he was offering, I was taking.

“Yes Your Highness” I heard him quip.

We walked for a few minutes, then a good comeback came to my head.

“Yes that’s right peasant, get on your knees” I attempted to sound Royal. I don’t think it worked.

“Oh Eren” smirked Levi. “I’d get on my knees for you **any day.** ”

_Holy fucking shit that is the innuendos of innuendos. Oh no. The boner is back. Repeat: Code Red. The boner is back._

I attempted to laugh. It came out like a strangled cat.

Levi just chuckled.

One day I would wipe that smirk right off his face.

**One day.**

Today was not that day, however.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for all your comments, guys!  
> They really make me smile :)


	18. Tequila.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eren and Levi contemplate very serious questions.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys!  
> It's me again.  
> I've been a little busy and preoccupied but don't worry! I have your chapter.
> 
> Enjoy!

**_ LEVI POV: _ **

Damn right I took him to get a piercing. I can’t believe he cried though. He’s such a dork.

A cute, lovable, idiotic and confusing dork.

He’s also a meme-loving fuck. Jesus Christ.

But I love him.

I just wonder if I’ll ever tell him...

_Nah. He doesn’t feel the same way._

 

* * *

 

**_ A FEW WEEKS LATER: _ **

Eren and I had been going on our little escapades for a number of weeks now. We had gone everywhere that you could go whilst being accompanied by an adult.

I am an adult in other countries, for God’s sake. I’m eighteen.

Anyway, we had gone to many places, all very tame compared to where I’m going to take him in a few days. Can you guess where it is?

_A club._

I will be taking him to a club. Not just any ‘under-18 kiddie club’ though. A real club.

Or as Eren likes to say “A legit club.”

_Sometimes I swear he thinks he’s a gangster._

Maybe in his past life he was a Mafia Don…. Or Tupac.

That’d be so cool if he was Tupac. So fucking cool.

Oh my God, one time he was over at my house and he tried on my clothes. Complete with the black make-up, studs, chains and skinny jeans. He looked like a fucking Emo. Jesus Christ. He even said “Levi. Am I cool yet? I hate my life and I think people are overrated. Why is life so cruel?”

_Is he mocking me? Is he stereotyping me? That’s so fucking rude. How dare he, the little bitch? I have the right mind to shove that new piercing right up his…_

But I’m getting off track.

Let me tell you a little bit about our dear friend, Eren here. What I said before about him being an angel and absolute perfection? How I watched him from afar (Not stalking, seriously guys.) for many years and thought he was so cool?

Scratch everything sappy I said about him.

He was a complete and utter fucking moron with a tendency to tell ridiculous pick-up lines and break out into song wherever he went.

_You remember the Super Bass Incident?_

He did it again.

With Anaconda.

Do you know how hard I was laughing?

I swear he’s got a screw loose.

He seriously is something else.

Eren had been over at my house countless times over these past few weeks, he claimed it was because of my mother’s cooking (which was pretty damn good), and because I had cool clothes.

Did I believe him?

I had been over to Eren’s house too, a couple of times. I still refused to sit on the coach in fear of the bugs. Seriously. He should call pest control or some shit.

I hate bugs.

I’ll only kill them however if they’ve done something wrong like intrude my bed or eat my cereal.

Can bugs eat cereal?

Do bugs do it on purpose?

Can bugs be vindictive?

_God what am I on._

I seriously need some sleep.

_ Levi out. _

* * *

 

**_ EREN POV: _ **

Levi is the devil.

He is literally the fucking devil.

He’s taking me to a club.

I’m not even eighteen.

I’m going to get arrested for lying about my age and sneaking into a club and drinking alcohol and dear God help I don’t want to drop the soap.

For those of you who don’t know what “drop the soap” means, I’m sorry for ridding you of your innocence. Do not look it up.

What am I going to do?

Do I go with Levi? Do I want to go? Am I a badass motherfucker?

The answer to all three questions is **Hella yes.**

What does one wear to a club?

I didn’t know. So I googled it.

The results were… eye-opening.

Why is everyone wearing skimpy clothing? They look like strippers. (I later found out they were, in fact, strippers.)

Do I wear skimpy clothing?

Will Levi wear skimpy clothing? **Hell yes.**

I’m excited.

It’s going to be a fun night.

Maybe I’ll drink a (tequila?). How do you even say that? Te-kill-a?

Te-kill-a what?

**Te-kill-a all your morals, guys.**

Don’t drink it’s a bad idea. Wait until you’re legal.

I’m just spouting nonsense, so I’m gonna go to bed.

Maybe I’ll text Levi in the morning.

_ Eren out. _

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well that was... I have no idea where the came from.  
> Again, please no judgement haha. Writing this late at night can make people weird.
> 
> Now, my lovelies. I have some news. In order to make this story more interactive, I'm introducing what is called "Pick-up Line of the Chapter." 
> 
> Basically, what happens is you guys write me a pick up line in the comments, and the one I like most gets to appear in the next chapter. This will happen for every chapter. You can even write a bit of dialogue that you might want featured. It's up to you.
> 
> I'm excited.
> 
> You don't have to participate, it's totally optional. It just adds a bit of fun to the story and I quite like hearing from you.
> 
> Until next time! *throws confetti*


	19. The Club Part 1.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clubs, pick up lines and a scary bouncer. What's next?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone!  
> New chapter here. I hope you enjoy.  
> A few things first though:
> 
> 1\. Some comments have been deleted on this story. I will not tolerate negativity and I do not wish to see it on my story. 
> 
> 2\. For the people that commented in regards to the negativity: Thank you! I really appreciate your kindness. Your comments were deleted too, however, as I felt they did not need to be there anymore after I had deleted the aforementioned negative comments. That doesn't mean I don't appreciate your kindness however. I do. I honestly do. You guys make me smile and I'm so happy you would stick up for me. I love you guys, really. Thank you so much.
> 
> 3\. I couldn't choose between two pick up lines, so included them both. Many thanks to LeviHackerman and that_anime_chick. You guys made me smile!
> 
> 4\. This is the longest chapter I've ever written, dear lord. It was worth it though. We have plot development *yay*.
> 
> Enjoy!

**_ 7AM: _ **

 

Today was the day.

The day I go clubbing with Levi.

I’m so excited I could pee my pants.

_Dude, that’s gross._

_Shut up, Eren._

Another shopping trip with Levi a few days prior had provided me with some new clothes. They mainly consisted of skinny jeans, black t-shirts and hoodies. I should take a page out of his fashion book more often, it’s actually really comfortable and stylish. I didn’t know what I was going to wear to the club, though.

Maybe the black skinny jeans with the grey t-shirt I borrowed (stole) from Levi. The t-shirt was a really tight fit (well yeah, he’s a fucking gnome), but it emphasised my arms and rather rockin’ abs, if I do say so myself.

_Hell yeah, Eren. You’re gonna look like a pimpin’ rock star._

I looked at my phone in case I had a text from the bae (well he’s not the bae yet. But bitch he might be.)

I didn’t have a text.

_Levi. Acknowledge me, Senpai._

Was he a Senpai, though? I guess he was since I’m still seventeen and all that, so the statement still stands.

You know what I just realised? It’s March 21st. I met him on February 9th.

Wow time flies when you’re having fun.

At least, some innocent fun. The real fun is yet to happen, unfortunately.

My phone lit up. I swan dived for it on the bed.

It was only Reiner.

_God dammit._

From Muscles: **“Heya Eren. You busy tonight? Bert and I were thinking about catching a movie. Maybe Big Hero 6. I heard it made grown men cry.”**

_Tempting, but no. I’m going to the muthafuckin’ club yo._

I need to stop talking like a gangster.

_I won’t though. It’s too much fun._

To Muscles: **“Tempting, but unfortunately I do have plans.** **”**

He sent back a sad face.

He’s such a big softy.

 

* * *

 

**_ 7PM: _ **

It’s been twelve hours. Levi still hadn’t texted me.

I wonder if he got stuck in a toilet cubicle. That would be a misfortune of note.

During the twelve hour period of me rising from the dead (bed), to now, I had done many things. Some I never wish to do again. I had somehow convinced my mother to let me go out with Levi under the guise of “Science Homework” and to spend the night, since we’d be up late studying.

“What kind of science homework?” She asked, suspiciously.

“Human Biology” I said. “In particular, anatomy”

_Yeah. I’d be surprised if she didn’t get the innuendo. It’s so painfully obvious._

But God, I wished I could study Levi’s anatomy.

*wink wink*

_I need to stop, Jesus Christ._

Take me to Church. I need to be cleansed.

Like seriously.

I had also done many chores that I hoped never to do again. I did the chores so my mother would let me go.

Did it work?

Barely. But I still managed to get a yes.

_Hell yes for sucking up to the parentals to get what you want._

Ten minutes had now passed.

**Levi where the fuck are you?**

 

* * *

 

**_ 7:30PM: _ **

The doorbell rang.

Hallelujah! Mr Vertically Challenged is here.

I ran down to greet him, however my mother beat me to it.

“Hello Levi. Nice to finally meet you in person. You look nice” She smiled at him.

“Hello Mrs Jaeger. That’s very kind of you, however, I have to disagree. You certainly outshine me right now” He indicated to her.

She blushed.

_What the fuck, Levi? Stop trying to woo my mother._

“Thank you, Levi. Please call me Carla though, since Eren calls your mother Hange, even if she is his science teacher.” She laughed, lightly.

Levi smiled at her.

_Back off mom, he’s mine._

“If that’s all, Levi and I will be leaving now” I said, mildly irritated.

“Oh Eren, always trying to get away from me. Come here and give me a kiss goodbye”

“No!” I tried to squirm away, but she was too strong. She kissed my cheek. She had lipstick on too.

_Really mom?_

I made a noise of mild disgust, and she shot me a look.

_Shit. Abort. Run while you still can._

“Okay boys, you can leave now. Enjoy your anatomy studies” She said as she shooed us out the door.

“Yeah, I’m going to enjoy studying Levi’s anatomy” I said under my breath.

Levi let out a choked noise.

I guess he heard.

We got in his car, and he immediately asked me the dreaded question.

“Anatomy? Really Eren? Do you know how suggestive that is?” He asked, glaring slightly at me.

I just looked out the window.

“Do you ever stop in the middle of a big shit and think 'hey, this is the size of the dick I could take?’” I asked after a while, still looking out the window.

“What the fuck, Eren?” He said.

I had a smirk of victory tugging on my lips.

_Can you guess the mood I’m in?_

“Just thinking out loud, I guess” I said, smiling slightly and looking at him.

He shook his head.

“What am I going to do with you?” He sighed.

_I can think of a number of things._

“Who knows?” I sighed.

“Certainly not me” he countered.

I hid my grin by turning my head.

It was then I noticed we had arrived at the club.

_Bring it on._

We exited the car, and walked up to the bouncer.

The bouncer was huge as fuck.

I was legitimately considering just kicking him in the shins and making a run for it, he just made me that jittery.

He asked for our IDs.

“That’s so kind you think we’re so young” I tried to joke.

His eyes bore into mine.

_Oh my God. Please don’t snap my neck. I need it._

I realised I didn’t have a fake ID.

Oh no.

I looked over at Levi, and saw him retrieve an ID. Just one ID.

The motherfucker was going to leave me out here alone with the bouncer whilst he went inside and enjoyed some moral killers (A.K.A Te-kill-a).

_The bitch._

The bouncer took it, and looked over at me.

“Okay Eren, you can go in” He said, monotonously.

_Wait, what?_

I blinked at him, and Levi shoved me towards the door. He motioned with his eyes to go in.

I didn’t argue twice.

I stood awkwardly on the side of the bar for a few minutes, then Levi reappeared.

“Sorry I took so long, I was catching up with Aururo.” He said.

“Huh?” was my intelligent answer.

“The bouncer. He’s my friend.”

“Is that why you only had one ID? The one with my name on it?” I asked.

He nodded his head.

“Aww Levi. I’m touched that you thought of me.” I nudged his shoulder.

“I always think of you” he said under his breath.

_Well damn._

“Anyway” he spoke up. “Let’s get this show on the road.”

I agreed wholeheartedly.

 

* * *

 

**_ 10PM: _ **

It turns out I get philosophical when I’m tipsy.

To what extent do you shape your own destiny, and how much is down to fate? Do aliens exist? Where do thoughts come from? Were among my favourite questions of the night.

Levi was no worse for wear. He was spouting something about how NASA is covering up the existence of extra-terrestrial beings, how we must infiltrate their base and uncover their secrets.

_We need help. Serious help._

“Hey Eren?” Asked Levi. “Tell me a pick-up line. They’re hilarious”

_Take that Jean. Always telling me they suck hmph. Asshole._

“If you were a cucumber, you’d be a **cute** cumber” I giggled.

Levi had a grin stretched on his face.

“That reminds me of a joke, actually” He whispered. “What’s long, thick and has cum in it?”

I blushed.

“A cucumber!” He giggled.

_That’s actually pretty good._

We sat in silence for a few minutes, then Nicki Minaj came on.

Oh my God.

_Later losers, I’m going to the dancefloor. Just you try stop me._

Nobody tried to stop me. However, I was followed by a certain tipsy gnome.

_I thought he didn’t dance._

Oh well.

**To the dancefloor!**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh Lordy.  
> I made a promise to myself that I'd write the *cough* sexy stuff *cough* after the club.  
> This is becoming a reality.  
> Are you guys ready? Am I ready?
> 
> Stay tuned!
> 
> (Pick up line of the chapter is still going on! Impress me with your dodgy pick up lines. You can do it!)
> 
> Thank you all for reading! xx


	20. The Club Part 2.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The end of the Club experience.  
> Things happen.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heyyyyo! I'm back!  
> I hope you enjoy the update!
> 
> Many thanks to weatherwitch for the pick up line!
> 
> Thank you for reading!

**_ EREN POV: _ **

**__ **

Levi and I moved onto the dancefloor, and were instantly shoved up against one another, due to the sheer amount of other people dancing.

Was it awkward?

A little at first, but I mean… It’s Levi. I have Levi pressed up against my body.

He looked at me with a small smile on his face. Perhaps he was a romantic drunk?

_Who knows, really?_

The Nicki Minaj song was still playing. I danced like my life depended on it. That included my world famous twerking.

“Yass Nicki. My queen.” I said, as I threw my head back.

Levi snorted, then choked on his saliva due to his snorting.

_Serves you right for dissing Nicki._

We danced for quite a number of songs after, our dancing consisting of a few disco moves and a bit of twerking here and there. Could you blame us though? We were both tipsy as fuck.

Soon after, none of the songs really appealed to us anymore, so we exited the floor for a while to stock up on fluids and have a rest.

We were approached by a rather seedy looking man, and he smiled at us.

He looked greasy as fuck.

“Would either of you gentlemen like to dance?” His tone hinted that it was not a dance he was after.

We both shook our heads.

“Oh come on now. Don’t be like that” He said, and reached out to grab my wrist.

I tried to pull back, but his grip was like a vice.

“What the fuck? Let go” I said, pulling again. He didn’t let go.

The man grinned down at me.

“Come on, it’s not like I’m a terrorist or anything. I’m just a normal guy looking for a bit of fun.”

_I’m going to fucking vomit. This man is repulsive._

“I believe we said that we were both not interested. So get lost before I castrate you with a lawnmower” snarled Levi.

The man looked like he pissed his pants.

He let go of my wrist and quickly walked off, muttering something about ‘gay pretty boys who don’t know what they want’.

_Yeah right._

I thanked Levi. Then I decided to make a joke, because I’m cool like that.

“Hey Levi? Are **_you_** a terrorist? Cause you’re the bomb” I wiggled my eyebrows at him.

He just patted my hair, shook his head and rolled his eyes.

“I’m not a dog.” I said, peeved.

“Hush” He replied.

“Woof” I said under my breath.

_He probably enjoyed the pick-up line, he’s just too embarrassed to admit it. I’m positive._

Levi withheld a laugh.

“Want to go back to the dancefloor now?” He asked after a beat of silence.

I shrugged, then nodded my head.

So we went back to the dancefloor.

Just as we did before, we danced like the little dorks we were.

It was actually turning out to be a fun night, despite the little hiccough earlier.

Then **_the song_** came on.

I think you know what song that was.

My mind travelled to images that the lyrics conjured up.

I lost blood flow to my organs.

It all went down South.

That’s what the song was singing about though.

Stupid Enrique Iglesias.

Levi looked up at me, and I saw his whole expression and demeanour change.

He started mouthing along to the lyrics of the song.

He had a smirk on his face.

_Yeah. Levi isn't a romantic drunk. Not at all._

I knew that look all too well.

You can ask my genitals if you don’t believe me.

 

**I know you want me**

**I made it obvious that I want you too**

**So put it on me**

**Let’s remove the space between me and you**

_Oh yes, lets remove the space. I’d like you to do that._

**Now rock your body (oh)**

**Damn I like the way that you move**

**So give it to me (oh oh)**

**'Cause I already know what you wanna do**

_Was it me? Is that what you want to do?_

**Here’s the situation:**

**Been to every nation**

**Nobody’s ever made me feel the way that you do**

**You know my motivation**

**Given my reputation**

**Please excuse me, I don’t mean to be rude**

_No no, please be rude. I’d like to know about your reputation and your motivation._

**But tonight I’m fucking you**

**Oh, you know**

**That tonight I’m fucking you**

**Oh, you know**

**That tonight I’m fucking you**

**Oh, you know**

**That tonight I’m fucking you**

**Oh, you know**

_Holy fucking shit. I no longer have blood flow to the top half of my body._

 

**You’re so damn pretty**

**If I had a type then baby it would be you**

**I know you're ready**

**If I never lied then baby you’d be the truth**

_Oh you flatter me._

The chorus rang throughout the club as it played again.

 

_Dear God._

Then the fucking rap comes on.

 

_Is there no such thing as mercy?_

 

**Tonight I’m gonna do**

**Everything that I want with you**

**Everything that you need**

**Everything that you want**

**I wanna honey**

**I wanna stunt with you**

**From the window**

**To the wall**

**Gonna give you my all**

**Winter n summertime**

**When I get you on the springs**

**Imma make you fall**

**You got that body**

**That make me wanna get up on the floor**

**Just to see you dance**

**And I love the way you shake that ass**

**Turn around and let me see them pants**

**You stuck with me**

**I’m stuck with you**

**Let's find something to do**

**Please excuse me, I don't mean to be rude**

_Oh my God the images in my head right now, Jesus Christ. Is it possible to be even more aroused?_

**But tonight I’m fucking you**

**Oh, you know**

**That tonight I’m fucking you**

**Oh, you know**

**That tonight I’m fucking you**

**Oh, you know**

**That tonight I’m fucking you**

**Oh, you know**

**That tonight I’m fucking you**

**That tonight I’m loving you**

The song ended.

_Praise Jesus._

“Hey Eren?” Levi purred. “Wanna go back to my house now? My mother is out. I made sure of it.”

_HOLY FUCKING SHIT._

I couldn’t handle it any longer.

I nodded my head furiously and grabbed his hand to run outside to the car. Levi had a grin plastered on his face and his hair was sticking to his forehead due to all the sweat that had accumulated from our previous dancing.

We entered the car and Levi immediately started it up, reversing and exiting the parking lot.

**Oh my God.**

We’re going back to his house.

We’re going to be alone.

_Oh my God._

Levi and I sat in silence. The sexual tension was electric and spoke every word that we wanted to say, without us saying anything. My eyes kept flickering over to him. He looked delectable just sitting there driving.

He licked his lips.

_Very delectable indeed. Just like his derrière._

I reached over to touch his leg, since it was the only part I was able to reach, but he swatted it away.

“Not so fast, Eren.” He purred. “Wait until we get home.”

_Ugh oh my God._

I didn’t think I could wait that long.

The car ride was silent from then on.

_I wonder what we’ll do when we get home._

The suspense was killing me.

My head turned to look out the window, and I saw that we pulled up in his street.

_Fuck. Oh my God. This is suddenly so real._

The car stopped.

Levi looked at me.

“We’re going inside now. What happens next is up to you.” He winked.

_Oh my God._

_Oh my Lord God Almighty._

**Jesus take the fucking wheel, because I sure as Hell am going to be very busy.**

Levi got out the car.

I followed him.

The door opened.

We went inside.

The door closed.

Levi turned to me.

I didn’t give him time to respond.

I grabbed his face between my hands and crashed my lips to his.

**If Levi owned a ‘do not disturb sign’, now would be a good time to use it.**

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welp. I've set myself up for this now. What have I done. My mother would be so disappointed.  
> I hope you're ready for next chapter.
> 
> Question: Do you want it to be explicit or just mature? Because, I don't mind either way.
> 
> Pick-up line of the chapter is still happening! Send in your pick-up lines! You can do it!
> 
> Stay tuned!
> 
> (Song is Tonight (I'm fuckin' you) by Enrique Iglesias. Its very apt, don't you think?


	21. Do You Believe In Magic?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Smut. It's smut.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you're all happy.  
> Enjoy the chapter!
> 
> Thank you to Shirochan and sapphire_eyes27 for the pick up lines!

_**EREN POV:** _

 

Levi hastily grabbed my shirt and pulled me closer to him. Our tongues met each other as we moved towards the wall in the hallway and I tasted the tequila on our tongues. It was mixed in with the taste of desire. It hit me then.

I had Levi up against the wall.

_How often does that happen?_

Our hands sought every inch of skin they could touch, but it wasn’t enough. All the sexual tension accumulated from the weeks of abstinence had finally bubbled to the surface. He raked his nails down my sides and I let out a hiss of pleasure.

_Who knew I was into a little pain?_

I felt him smirk against my lips, and I retaliated. My hands wandered down to the waistband of his jeans. I could feel his semi-erection as I brushed down the front.

_Good to know I’m not the only one who feels that way._

My hands hooked under the hem of his shirt, and I pulled it off of him.

_Oh my God his abs are causing me to salivate._

I undid his belt, and pulled down his jeans to his knees. There was only a thin material separating us now. I was determined to get rid of it. My hands snaked their way into his underwear, and I caressed him as our tongues writhed together. It was pure bliss. I brushed a rather sensitive part of Levi, and his breath hitched in his throat. It was decided then that I would get things moving. I only have so much patience.

Grabbing his hand, I lead him over to the couch in the living room. I pushed him down into it. He looked up at me with shock and arousal etched into his features.

I dropped to my knees and was met with Levi’s cock. It was perfect. It wasn’t too big, nor was it too small. However, I knew there was no way in Hell I was going to fit it all in my mouth. I looked up at Levi, only to find him looking down at me.

Then I noticed it. The dick piercing.

_I was right. I was motherfucking right. He does have a dick piercing._

There it was, nestled just under the head of his cock, glittering in the artificial light. It was oddly captivating.

“You don’t have to do this.” He said, surprised and a slight sadness creeping into his voice.

I shook my head.

I was going to do it. I wanted to. I had to.

My hand reached out to grasp him, and I began moving my hand up and down slowly, making sure I got him fully hard. (I had seen enough porn to know how the logistics worked.) Levi gasped and his eyes fluttered shut. I felt rather proud of myself.

“Enjoying it?” I asked him, cheekily. I increased my pace to argue my point.

He was going to answer me back, probably with a smart remark, but it was cut off when a groan escaped his lips.

Levi’s eyes were still shut, and he sat further back on the couch. I decided it was time to change things up.

I lowered my mouth onto his cock and began swirling my tongue around the tip. His eyes snapped open.

“Eren. You don’t have t- _ugh_.” I cut him off by delivering a long hot stripe up from the base of him, all the way to the head.

“I’m fully aware of that. It’s the fact I want to.” I looked up at him for a moment, then got back to work, lowering my head once more.

Levi threw his head back as he reached out to secure his hand in my hair. He guided my head away from his cock, causing a string of saliva to form, connecting my lips and the head.

“That’s enough of that.” He said, and grabbed my wrist, pulling me up to follow him into his bedroom and onto the bed.

My surprise must have been very obvious, because Levi assured me that we weren’t done.

“We’re only getting started.” His tone hinted at the things that would occur later on. My eyes widened minutely as I processed just what he meant.

_Fuck yes._

I began to lift up my shirt, but he stopped me.

“Oh no, please allow me.” He smirked.

_Is it possible to be this aroused? Because I am._

My shirt was removed and his mouth immediately went to work. His tongue moved to lick up the shell of my ear.

“You want to know a pick-up line?” He whispered in my ear.

“uugh-what?” was my intelligent reply.

“Were you born on a chicken farm? Cause you sure know how to raise a cock.” He chuckled and started kissing my neck.

_Holy fucking shit he’s taken my pick-up lines and turned them into something that actually works. I can’t believe this._

My thoughts were broken when he bit down hard on the juncture between my neck and shoulder, causing me to let out a strangled cry. My eyes closed on instinct.

“Oh no, Eren. Don’t close your eyes. I want to see them. They’re so beautiful.”

_How is he being so romantic at a time like this?_

“I want to see what they look like when you come for me.” He caressed the side of my face.

“Just fuck me already.” I whined impatiently. I had been waiting for this forever and I sure as Hell am not waiting a second longer.

“So impatient, Eren. We need to get you prepared first.” He chuckled.

I rolled my eyes.

He lay me on my back and positioned my knees up, causing my pelvis to tilt. Levi shifted to reach under his bed, and pulled out the lube. He opened the cap and smeared generous amounts on his fingers, so it would not hurt when he stretched me out. He put the bottle down on the nightstand. 

"You know a lot about this." I said, slightly impressed.

"Gay porn is very educational." Was his answer. "As is experimentation. I'd like to think I know my way around a male body."

I nodded my head in understanding.

Levi brought his fingers down to my entrance, and carefully pushed one digit in. It was a strange feeling, almost akin to taking a reverse shit.

I told Levi this.

He laughed.

I was asked if I was ready for a second finger, and I replied that I was.

He added a second. I now understood why people said it hurt. The feeling was akin to burning, and it was moderately uncomfortable. Tears formed in my eyes.

"Oh Eren. If it hurts, we can stop" Said Levi.

I shook my head.

"Just give me a minute." I said, tears pooling.

He nodded his head.

After a moment, I moved my hips experimentally. It was still painful, but I could register slight pleasure in my abdomen.

I asked Levi to continue.

He looked worried, and I assured him I was fine.

"I just dont want to hurt you." His voice cracked slightly.

It made my heart melt.

He began thrusting his fingers in slowly, testing the waters. The pain started to dull slightly, and after a while, pretty much all I could feel was pleasure. I started moaning slightly.

"Levi--it feels good." 

"I'm glad to hear it, Eren." He smiled slightly.

He hit a particularly sensitive spot, and my hips bucked.

"Ugh--Levi. Please"

"Please what, Eren?" he asked.

"Please fuck me." I whined.

He asked me if I was sure.

I nodded my head. I was. 

Levi developed a smirk on his face and leaned down to whisper into my ear.

“Do you believe in magic? Because I’m about to make this dick disappear.”

_OH MY FUCKING GOD. HOW DO YOU MAKE SUCH A DODGY PICK UP LINE SO DAMN HOT??_

Levi grabbed the lube again, and spread it generously over his cock. Then he chucked it away. He moved to lean over me.

I writhed with anticipation and felt him lift my legs over his shoulders. 

He nudged the head of his cock against the entrance of my ass and looked down at me once again.

“Are you ready, Eren?” He asked, softly.

_Was I ready?_

I was. I was ready to officially be Levi’s.

I was giving him my virginity, as well as my heart.

I just hoped he didn’t know about the latter.

He let out a deep breath, and proceeded to carefully push into me.

It hurt like a bitch. Tears sprang to my eyes again. I could do it, though. I was sure of it.

He asked me if I was okay. 

I replied that I was.

He leaned down and kissed my tears away. He whispered sweet nothings in my ear.

Levi asked if he should move now. I said yes. I knew the pain would leave after a moment.

He nodded his head and took a second to gather his thoughts.

_Bless him for being so considerate of me._

A beat of silence passed. Then he started moving his hips.

The hypnotic rhythm assaulted my lower body as I let out a soft moan.

_God. Is this what I’ve been missing?_

Levi looked down into my eyes and gave me a small smile.

“You’re doing so well, Eren.” He whispered.

It was so intimate.

That’s when he found it. My prostate. I let out a long, loud moan as he continued to target that particular spot.

“Fuck, Eren. You’re so tight.” He said, voice strained.

That made me blush.

I writhed as he moved in and out of me, my hands grabbing at the sheets around my head. The pleasure building up in my abdomen was causing me to breathe deeply. It was heaven.

I knew I wouldn’t last long.

My eyes wandered up to Levi, and I saw him looking down at me once again, just like he had done earlier.

“You’re so good to me, Eren. I never got to say it before.” He murmured, voice strained from the attack he was conducting on the bundle of nerves deep within me.

“Thank you, Levi. I really apprecia- _ugh fuck_.” I let out a breathy moan as the pleasure reached breaking point.

Levi knew it. 

Muffling my moans with his lips, he sped up his movements.

It was too much.

“Ugh. Levi. I love y- _ugh fuck yes. God._ ” I screamed as I came.

Levi followed shortly after, calling my name, as well as a stream of obscenities.

He collapsed on top of me, completely spent from the activity.

“Eren. You’re good. So good.” He murmured into my chest.

I felt him go heavy.

He had fallen asleep.

My back rested back on the bed as I tried to regain my breath.

I glanced down at Levi and my eyes caught the colour on his back, and backs of his arms.

It was his tattoo.

There were beautiful wings spreading across his back, to his arms, coming all the way down to touch his elbows.

It was breathtaking. He looked like an angel incarnate.

I lowered my lips to his back and I began to lightly pepper kisses along the edges of the tattoo.

_Well there goes my $20 I bet that it was on his ass._

At least I was right about the dick piercing.

Oh my God the dick piercing.

Then it hit me.

I had just lost my virginity.

To Levi.

**_Oh my fucking God._ **

I am naked.

In his bed.

His cock was in my ass.

I didn’t have time to process it any further.

My eyes shut.

My last thought before I passed out was:

_Does this make us a thing now?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't look at me.  
> Who knew my first fic would have smut?  
> I hope you all enjoyed this. It brings me great happiness to entertain you guys.  
> This was a little awkward and funny, because it was their first time, and we all know the first time is a little messy and awkward. It gets better, I promise :).
> 
> Pick up line of the chapter is still happening! Gimme those pick-up lines :P.
> 
> Thank you for all your hits, kudos and comments! xx


	22. Author's Note:

Hey guys,

Just an apology to say that I cannot update tonight, as a have a very big assessment due soon.

However, I will promise you that you will get **two** chapters tomorrow, as an apology from me.

I hope you all have a great day and enjoy the updates! :)

 

Many thanks for your kudos, comments and reads.

 

Oh! and another thing. I am about to reach 5000 reads on this fic.

That's incredible!

Thank you all so much!

 

Anything in particular you'd like to see for this milestone?

Let me know!

 

Bye for now :)

 

Updates will be up tomorrow xx


	23. He's Like The Fucking Plague

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The morning after.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! I'm back!  
> I hope you enjoy this chapter :)
> 
> Thank you to sky for the pick-up line!
> 
> Enjoy!

**_ LEVI POV: _ **

I woke up the next morning with a headache.

_What the fuck happened last night?_

I surveyed the room, but there was little out of place. That miffed me a little bit. The floor had a strange pair of pants far too long in the leg for me, and two pairs of t-shirts laying on it. One of the shirts was not mine. I turned my head to the right side of the bed, and there he was.

Eren.

Sleeping soundly.

He was shirtless.

_Oh my God. Did we..?_

I pulled the covers up to look.

He was not only shirtless, it seemed.

 _Indeed we did. So I lost my virginity... What an interesting turn of events_.

I tried to think about the events of last night.

We were in a club, we drank a little, danced, there was Eren and his goddamn twerking, that seedy man, that song, the car ride home, Eren's lips on mine and his body moving against my own.

 _Oh fuck. I'm not getting a boner right now. Nope_.

Trying not to disturb his sleep, I carefully removed myself from the bed and went to the shower to freshen up. I didn't have to remove my clothes. The shower helped get ride of the knots in my shoulders, and after a while, I stepped out. My eyes caught something in the mirror, so I went to investigate.

Stepping closer to the mirror, and turning around to see my back, I saw scratch marks. Angry, red ones. They spanned from the tops of my shoulders, all the way down to the small of my back.

_Eren scratches then. I was wrong about him being a dog, he's more like a cat, judging how red these marks are._

I shook my head and smiled. I had now become as close to Eren as I could physically. It was a nice feeling, actually. He makes me so happy, happier than I've been for a very long time.

_I wonder if he'd be opposed to being my boyfriend... What if he is though? What if he only wanted my body? Like I was just like a one night stand. Like a "wham bam thank you ma'am."? Ugh no what if._

I willed the thoughts out of my head and dried off. I pulled a clean shirt over my head and some deep purple boy legs I bought when I went to Victoria's Secret with Eren. It wasn't the most appropriate thing to wear, but at least it wasn't obscene. Not that I'd care if it was obscene, he'd seen me naked, after all.

Quietly stepping out of the bathroom, I tip toed down the hall to the kitchen. On my way I passed the living room. My pants and underwear were still there from when he had removed them.

_Better put those away before my mother sees._

My stomach growled as I decided what I could have for breakfast. I decided on pancakes, and made extra for Eren when he woke up. Call me stereotypical or cliche, but I was taught how to treat people right when they truly deserved it. My mother raised me well.

The smell permeated the room as the pancakes were made. I made sure Eren's were a little larger than mine. He looked like he ate a lot, despite his lean physique.

My hand accidentally knocked a spoon off the counter and I bent down to retrieve it.

"Is your mother a baker? Cause you've got a nice set of buns" I heard from behind me.

_Well it seems Sleeping Beauty has awoken._

I rolled my eyes, and answered him with a "You're so lame."

He made a sound of indignation. "Well, fuck you." He huffed.

I stood back up, and turned around to face him.

He was standing there shirtless with nothing but a pair of boxers on.

_Yes please._

"If I remember correctly, it was me that fucked you."

He blushed a shade of scarlet.

What's this? Are you all talk, Eren?

"Oh shut up." He attempted to change the subject.

I smirked. "I made you pancakes." I held out the plate. He took it and thanked me.

"You know, that's very cliche of a romantic comedy."

"Perhaps it is." I shrugged. "I figured you'd be hungry from all the exercise you had last night."

"Indeed" he said, quietly.

He was totally blushing.

We sat down at the dining room table, and ate in silence. I noticed he had a shit ton of syrup in his pancakes.

"You're going to get diabetes from all that syrup." I said seriously.

_Wait for the pick up line..._

"I already do from how sweet you are, Levi." He winked.

_Yup. There it is._

I seriously think he has an addiction to pick up lines. He probably sits at home on his computer and spends hours trying to find the best one.

"So..uh... Levi?" He asked, a little awkwardly.

_This better not be another pick up line. I don't have one to reciprocate with._

"I was thinking... And um... Do you--do you want to be my boyfriend?" He stuttered out.

He was so nervous.

The question caught me off guard.

_Holy shit. Oh my God. Yes Eren! Of course!_

"Well I mean.. I guess." I trailed off.

"What do you mean 'I guess'?" His eyes widened.

"I mean, I could probably be." I smirked internally. I was enjoying this.

"It's a simple yes or no question. If you don't want to be, just say." He looked like he was going to cry.

_Aww._

I decided to put him out of his misery.

"Of course I will, Eren. Nothing would make me happier." I finally smiled.

His face transformed from sadness to euphoria in an instant.

"Really?!" He asked, overjoyed.

I nodded my head.

"Oh my God! I could kiss you right now!" He declared.

"Then why don't you?" I winked.

He took the invitation and moved towards me. He looked down into my eyes and smiled.

"I'm so happy you're going to be mine." He said, tenderly, then pressed his lips to mine.

This kiss wasn't like the one we shared last night. It was soft, tender and sweet. There was no desperateness within the kiss. It didn't go any deeper than a chaste melding and no hunger threatened to consume us. It was intimate and beautiful.

That's how my mother found us. I had opened my eyes to find her at the door.

She has a horrible habit of coming in at the most intimate times.

_Go away._

I willed her away with my mind. She didn't leave.

Eren broke the kiss and looked to the door. I registered surprise, shock and embarrassment on his face. I might have even seen a little bit of smugness, but I couldn't be sure. He hid the emotions well.

"Hello Hange, nice to see you again, I was just about to leave, actually. My mother is expecting me." He said casually and pulled away from me.

He moved to go to my bedroom, and quickly turned around again to be to deliver a peck on my forehead.

"See you later, Levi." He smiled, and carried on to the bedroom to get his things.

My mother lifted her eyebrow at me and I shrugged. I walked back to the kitchen to get my water from breakfast.

_Yeah guys, make a joke. I was thirsty._

As I took a sip, my mother spoke up.

"So did you guys use protection?" I choked on my water, and some if it escaped my mouth to dribble down my chin.

It was a good look.

My head shook, to answer her question. It was true. We did not use a condom.

_Oops._

She nodded her head slightly, and smiled after a moment.

"As long as you didn't mess up the rest of the house. I'd hate to kill you if you broke my vase or something."

You laugh, but she was serious.

Eren joined us a second later. "Well I'll be going now." He announced as he existed the front door.

We waved him off.

My mother turned to me as the door shut.

"So tell me all about it, for scientific purposes, of course."

I was out of there quicker than you could say "lol nope."

_Did I mention my mother was strange? Because she is._

Before I could reach the bedroom, I heard my mother's voice from the living room.

_Oh no._

"Levi?! Did you do it on the couch? That's so fucking gross. Do you mind disinfecting that? We have guests coming over soon." She tried to sound stern, but it came out as mostly amused and a little disgusted.

I might have died from the embarrassment.

I hastily moved to my room. There, my bed was made and everything was straightened up. It was so sweet. He really did care.

_Aww._

I can feel myself falling hard. Brace yourself, floor, I'm coming down fast.

I noticed a small piece of paper on my bed.

It was from Eren.

_Is your body from McDonalds? Cause I'm lovin' it ;)._

**That fucking dork, Jesus Christ.**

What was I ever going to do with him? He makes my life so hard.

I wouldn't have it any other way, however.

_Watch out Eren. I'm declaring a pick-up line war on you. Be prepared. I'm bringing out the big guns. Mwahaha._

Jesus Christ, even his way of speaking is taking over my life.

**He's like the fucking plague.**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The second chapter should be up later :)
> 
> Thank you for all your sweet comments! You guys are seriously the best :) xx


	24. Parfait.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The mystery guest makes themselves known.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! Me again!  
> I hope you like the update :)
> 
> Enjoy!

**_ LEVI POV: _** **_ Later that day: _ **

It was finally dinnertime.

_Thank God. I’m starving._

I had spent the day doing the laundry from last night. The sheets were in serious need of a wash, as were my clothes. They reeked of sweat and alcohol. It was disgusting.

I had informed my mother that Eren and I had indeed **_not_** done the nasty on the couch, much to her surprise and amusement.

_Only my mother would be totally okay with me having sex, just as long as it wasn’t on the couch._

It was a fucking ugly couch, too. I don’t see why anyone would want to.

My mother had set the table in a very peculiar fashion. Usually I would sit at her right when she was at the head of the table. Tonight was different. She had set it up so she was at one end and I at the other, so we were facing one another.

_Very odd indeed._

We sat down and began eating our meal.

It was ravioli.

My favourite.

We made idle conversation for a while, and then I remembered I had to tell her something.

“Hey mom?”

“Yes Levi?”

“I have to tell you something.”

“Oh my God, you’re pregnant!”

“What? No mom I—“

“EREN’S PREGNANT”

“What no. I was only asking for help on my biology homework.”

“Oh, okay.” She smiled innocently.

“You know, for a science teacher, you should know that two males can’t reproduce.”

“It has happened before, and it can happen again.”

“I doubt Eren or myself is female”

“You never know.”

“Uh, yes I do. I’m pretty sure I know what genitals he has.”

“Good point.” She nodded her head.

I rolled my eyes.

My mother is certainly something else.

“Anyway, I need to tell you something.”

“You found Narnia?”

“God, I wish. No, it’s something more important than that.”

“Well spit it out then.” I huffed.

“Isabel’s coming to visit.”

My jaw stopped working mid-chew, and I looked up into her eyes.

“Isabel? She’s coming? When?” My excitement was making itself known.

“Tomorrow.” She said.

For those who don’t know, Isabel is my sister. My biological sister. When my parents died, we were both adopted into different families. We were reunited a few years ago, when our adoptive mothers got in touch, and we’ve been inseparable ever since. She moved to France a year ago, so our conversation decreased dramatically, but she was still on my mind all the time.

I couldn’t believe it. Isabel was making the journey all the way from France to see me.

There really is such a thing as good karma.

I couldn’t wait for tomorrow.

 

* * *

 

**_ THE NEXT DAY: _ **

Isabel still wasn’t here.

Where was she?

Maybe she’s late.

Maybe she’s not coming anymore.

I couldn’t handle that if she decided to not come.

What if she got into an accident?

_Oh no. Positive thoughts, Levi._

I hope she’s oka—

My thoughts were interrupted by footsteps, then a knock on the door.

She was here.

I threw open the door, and was greeted by the visage that is my sister. My only flesh and blood. She threw her arms around me and I did the same. We didn’t let go for what seemed hours.

“Oh Levi. How are you?” She asked, her accent stronger than I remembered.

“I’m great now that you’re here.” I smiled at her and she returned it with an angelic edge to it.

She was here. My sister was finally here.

I felt my mother come up behind me and envelop Isabel in a bone-crushing hug. It was the usual greeting she gave.

“We have a lot of catching up to do.” Said my mother, and we all nodded our heads eagerly.

This was going to take a while.

* * *

 

**_ 3 o’clock in the afternoon: _ **

We had talked for five hours straight, and we only now had run out of things to talk about. Isabel shared stories of her travels, her escapades at school (she was only 17), her experiences with different people and her boyfriend.

I barely concealed a grimace at that. My sister shouldn’t be having boyfriends.

My mother shared every embarrassing story about me she could think of, and I had to excuse myself to my room for a few minutes.

_I better text Eren to tell him I won’t be able to talk for a while._

To Bambi: **“Hey Eren. Just texting you to tell you that I won’t be able to talk for a while because I’ve got guests over.”**

He sent back a sad face emoji.

_God, he’s such a dork._

That reminded me. I swore a pick-up line war on him.

I was going to win.

To Bambi: **“Also, are you a parking ticket? Cause you’ve got fine written all over you.”**

_Take that, you meme-loving fuck._

I put my phone back on the table in my room, and walked back out into the lounge where my mother and Isabel were sitting.

“Hey Isabel? How about I take you down to a little café down the road? You look starving.”

“I am feeling a little peckish” She smiled.

I motioned for her to get up and she followed me to the front door.

“We’re just going to the one by Mike’s house” I called over my shoulder.

She called back a response, and I motioned for Isabel to exit the house.

We decided to walk to the café.

It wasn’t that far.

 

* * *

 

**_ EREN POV:  _ **

**_ 3:45pm: _ **

I smiled at the text that Levi had sent me. He was getting good with the pick-up lines. I was only slightly (very) disappointed that he wouldn’t be able to talk to me due to guests being over, but such is life.

Boy I was stupid.

There I was, sitting in a little café down the road from me, minding my own business, and then **_they_** walk in.

Levi and some bitch.

Some beautiful, slim and bright-eyed bitch who was clinging to Levi’s arm like he was the last toy in a toy store.

_Oh no you don’t. He’s mine, you little home wrecker._

How could she be a home wrecker if Levi and I weren’t married? Beats me. She’s still a home wrecker to me, causing me to feel these feelings of jealousy.

My second thought went to Levi. How could he tell me that he couldn’t spend time with me for a little while because he had ‘guests over’? She was not a guest.

It was a date.

A motherfucking date.

He blew me off, his boyfriend, for a date.

With a female, no less.

_This is some Maury bullshit right here._

I decided not to immediately confront him about it. I would watch them.

Like a secret spy.

They sat down at the opposite end of the café to me and buried their heads in the menus. After a moment they looked up at one another and discussed what they would order. I couldn’t hear them very well, and was only able to pick up small parts of the conversation.

“The parfait looks nice.” She said.

“It does.” He agreed. I even saw him roll his eyes a bit and he said something I couldn’t quite catch.

“I might get that, actually.” She smiled at him.

He smiled back at her.

The waiter came over and took their orders.

_If only I worked here, then I could spit in the parfait. Serves her right._

I sat there seething for a few moments until one of the waiters came over to me.

“Excuse me, sir. If you’re not going to order anything, please vacate the premises so we can make space for other patrons.”

_What was it with me and customer service?_

“I understand.” I said as I stood up from my table, shooting one last glare at Bright-Eyes and walking out the door.

I was livid. How dare he? How dare she? Levi and I are together. He’s mine. We’re happy. Why would he go do this to us? Was I not good enough for him?

_Enough. Stop this negative thinking. If he thinks I’m not good enough for him that he has to take out some girl, I’ll show him exactly what he’s missing._

The plan was already forming in my head.

I’ll show him **_exactly_** what he’s missing.

_Watch out, Levi. You’re not going to know what hit you._

I was going to rock his world.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed a little jealous Eren.  
> He amuses me very much.  
> Three cheers for Isabel? Hooray!
> 
> See you next update :)
> 
> Send me those pick-up lines! I love them so much.  
> Any idea what Eren is going to do? Do tell!


	25. Pick-up Lines.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eren has a trick up his sleeve.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone! *throws confetti*  
> I hope you enjoy the chapter.
> 
> Many, many thanks to IAmNotCapableOfInventingACleverUsername for the mountains of pick-up lines, and parts of Eren and Armin's conversation. You rock!
> 
> Enjoy!

**_ EREN POV: _ **

I stepped outside and pulled out my phone. It was time to bring out the big guns.

Scrolling down my phone contacts to find Blonde Coconut, I pressed his number and waited for him to pick up. It rang once. Twice. Three times.

He picked up.

"Heeeey Ereeeen. How's it going?" He drawled through the phone.

I shook my head at his antics.

"Hey Arm, I'm good. Listen, I need to ask a favour."

"Sure. What's up? Need me to bury the body." He teased.

_Don't joke about that. I might actually need your help for that later._

"I need you to come down to the café near my house. Yes that's the one."

"Sure thing, Eren. You just need to tell me what you need when I get there." He replied.

I told him to come as soon as he could, then somehow he appeared around the corner. It was too suspicious to be a coincidence. I let it go though, because it was Armin.

Gotta love Armin.

"Heya Eren. Now tell me what's up."

I told him all about Levi, how I wanted to make him jealous, and how I wanted to do it. Armin's face remained passive, but I could tell he was excited to help me. He congratulated me on my relationship. I waved him off. Then I got excited.

"What's really going to make this work is the pick-up lines." I grinned.

Armin grimaced.

"Oh God, Eren. Not the pick-up lines. 10 years of pick-up lines has driven me insane."

I gave him my best puppy dog look, and I saw him falter.

No one could resist the Jaeger Charm.

"Ugh fine. I'll do the pick-up lines. You sure have drummed far too many into my head, so it won't be too hard to fire them back at you."

I grinned.

"Let's go." I grabbed his wrist and pulled him into the café.

My eyes met Levi's form, and I saw the girl look up at me. She shot me an unsure smile, but it was a smile nonetheless. It was probably fake.

_Fuck you._

I pulled Armin over to Levi’s table, and Levi turned his head to look at me. His face registered shock, surprise and a little happiness. It angered me.

I felt like going Titan on him.

Titan was my pet dog who would tackle you to the floor if you even looked at him the wrong way. It was great when Jean came over. I had many videos of Titan’s “kills”, as my mother would call it. Titan was a good dog.

“Eren! How nice to see you! This is Isabel.” He motioned to Bright-Eyes and I nodded, acknowledging her.

“Isabel, this is Eren. He’s my—“

“Friend” I cut him off.

The only emotion that showed on his face was confusion.

_Don’t try that with me, you gnome._

“Oh! How nice to meet you!” smiled Isabel. Her smile could cast angels out of heaven. She actually looked really pretty.

“And you.” I smiled back at her. It was a genuine smile. She was not the enemy here. Levi was.

_Stupid Levi. I’ll show you._

I motioned to Armin, who was standing there with an awkward smile on his face. He was such a dork.

“This is Armin. He’s my special friend.” I wound my arm around his waist and kissed his temple.

He shot me a death glare.

I winked in return.

I saw Levi twitch.

_Good._

“Nice to meet you, Armin.” Said Isabel. I noticed her eyes scrunched up when she smiled.

“And you.” He offered his hand and she shook it.

“Mind if we have a seat?” I asked innocently.

“Well actually we are kind of—“interjected Levi.

“Of course!” Isabel cut him off.

Three cheers for Isabel.

Armin and I both sat down on opposite ends of the table so we would see each other’s faces.

We made small talk with Isabel, and Levi sat relatively silent throughout the exchange. I knew it was time to step it up.

I caught Armin’s eye, and nodded my head, indicating that the pick-up lines were about to begin.

A smirk placed itself upon my face as I rattled them off.

"Hey Armin, are you lost?" I asked, feigning concern.

A look of mock confusion crossed his face.

"No, why?"

"Because it's so strange to see an angel so far from heaven." I winked.

I saw Levi cringe from the corner of my eye.

"I clawed my way up from Hell. But, if you don't mind, can I see that label?" He said nonchalantly.

"Sure, why?"

"I just wanted to know if you were made in heaven." He waggled his eyebrows.

It was time to bring in the more suggestive ones.

_Let’s do this._

"Well, if I said you were an angel, would you treat me like the devil?" I winked.

"Well, you're no Fred Flintstone but I bet that you can make my Bedrock.” He bit his lip.

Levi cleared his throat.

We ignored him.

"Do you wash your pants in Windex? Because I can see myself in them."

Armin rolled his eyes.

"I wish you were a Pony Carousel outside Walmart, so I could ride you all day long for a quarter."

Levi’s face started to grow dark.

"Can I borrow that quarter? My mom told me to call home when I fell in love." I placed a hand over my heart.

"But only if you let me talk to her first: Could I borrow a quarter? Cause I just want to call your mother and thank her. If your parents hadn't met, I'd be a very unhappy man right now." He winked.

Levi looked absolutely livid.

I turned my attention to Isabel.

"If I had eleven roses and you, I'd have a dozen." I smiled sweetly.

She laughed lightly.

"Umm... Okay. Is it hot in here, or is it just you?" she winked.

I could grow to like her actually.

“Oh Eren! I have one more.” Armin chipped in.

_This better be good._

“Go on then, Arm.” I laughed and brought the complimentary water up to my mouth.

“You have such a wonderful voice. It would sound even better muffled by my cock.” He said lowly.

I spat out the water, and it dribbled down my chin. I was not prepared for that. Isabel blushed a deep shade of scarlet and Levi stood up from his seat and grabbed Armin by the wrist to drag him outside the café. I wasn’t worried though. Armin could handle anything that was thrown his way. He was a tough cookie.

_I hope._

Isabel looked concerned, but I assured her that nothing would happen. I knew both of them well enough to believe what I was saying.

I glanced at the door of the café, and hoped I hadn’t made him **too** jealous.

_That would suck._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading!  
> I hope you liked it. A Levi POV should be up soon. I'm sure some things will be answered then.
> 
> There's so many pick up lines! I'm inundated haha. Thank you all so much!
> 
> Do you want to send puns this time? Eren might become obsessed with those too, who knows?
> 
> Thank you all so much for being loyal to this story. I really do appreciate it :) xx
> 
> Until next time! xx


	26. Japan.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The aftermath of our problem.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! Me again :)  
> I hope you enjoy this chapter! xx

**_ LEVI POV: _ **

I pulled the Blonde Coconut outside the café and immediately started my questioning.

_More like the Spanish Inquisition._

“What the fuck, Blondie?” I growled at him. “That’s my boyfriend you’re hitting on.”

He looked like he pissed himself.

“I-I… we’re just friends.” He stuttered out.

I wasn’t buying it.

“Well it seemed like you two were acting more like lovers than friends.” I hissed lowly. He was taller than me, but I knew I was the one with the upper hand.

I was livid.

“We are just friends.” He quivered. “That’s just his warped sense of humour.”

I bared my teeth.

“Then why were you two going back and forward with dirty pick-up lines?”

His face held a hint of confliction.

_What was that all about?_

“Well… uh… you see…” he trailed off.

I snarled at him.

“Just spit it out.”

He shot up straighter and the words tumbled from his mouth.

“Eren called me and asked if I would make you jealous because he saw you with that girl inside and thought you were on a date with her and he was jealous and oh God don’t kill me I’m sorry.”

My eyes widened.

_Eren was jealous? He thought I was on a date? With Isabel? Oh that fucking dork._

I felt a deep rumbling in the pit of my stomach and I soon realised that I was laughing.

“Oh-oh my God. Eren thought I was on a date with Isabel? She’s my sister!” I had tears forming in the corners of my eyes.

This was some seriously fucked up shit. Someone call Maury.

“Wait. That cutie in there is your sister?” said Armin confused.

“Well yes. Can’t you see the resemble—did you just call her a cutie?” My voice dropped at the end.

The Coconut let out a squeak.

I smiled after a moment.

“Relax. I’m not going to kill you.”

He breathed a sigh of relief.

“Yet.” I said under my breath.

Judging by his intake of breath, he had heard.

“Let’s go get Eren and clear this whole thing up.” I said.

Armin nodded his head and stated his agreement.

We walked back into the café, and saw Isabel and Eren look at us expectantly. They quickly glanced over Armin to make sure he was in one piece.

I wasn’t that horrible, was I?

“So… is everything okay?” Asked Isabel quietly.

I shook my head.

“Almost. I just need to speak to Eren outside for a minute.”

Eren looked petrified.

“Relax Eren.” I said softly. “I just need to talk to you outside for a second.”

He nodded his head and got to his feet, following me back out to the front of the café.

_Let’s fix things._

* * *

 

**_ EREN POV: SAME TIME AS ARMIN’S INTERROGATION _ **

“So will Armin be okay?” Isabel asked, concerned.

I nodded my head and assured her he could handle anything.

“You two make an interesting couple.” She smiled at me.

I internally rolled my eyes.

“We’re not together. We just like to have random pick-up line wars. He’s my best friend.” I clarified.

She looked confused.

“But you two were very close when you introduced yourself.”

“It was meant to appear that way. I was trying to make Levi jealous.” I said, slightly abashed.

“Well why would you want to do that to him?” she asked, a little angry.

_Woah. Calm down, dude. Take a chill pill._

“We did that because I was in here earlier and saw you two on a date. I was jealous. Levi’s my boyfriend.”

A range of emotions crossed her face. First it was confusion, then anger, then adoration and then humour.

_Huh?_

“Oh Eren.” She laughed lightly. “Levi and I aren’t on a date. He just took me down for something to eat after I arrived from France.”

“That still counts as a date.” I said peeved.

“Not if it’s your brother.”

_Wait, what?_

“What do you mean, ‘not if it’s your brother’?” I asked, horror slowly enveloping my insides.

“Exactly what it sounds like.”

_Oh no. Oh dear God no._

_I fucked up. I fucked up. Abort mission. Houston we have a problem._

The problem was Eren Jaeger’s jumping to conclusions.

_My life really is like a bad soap opera._

“Levi’s your brother?” I said slowly.

She nodded your head.

I felt sick to my stomach.

“Hey now. It’s okay.” She comforted me by patting my shoulder. “Let me tell you a pick-up line to cheer you up.”

“Pick-up lines are what got me into this mess in the first place.”

“That’s beside the point.”

I sighed and motioned for her to tell some pick-up lines.

“Were you affected by the radiation in Japan? Cause baby, you’re glowing.” She winked.

_Oh my God. I love it._

“That is the perfect pick-up line. Insensitive and smooth. I love it” I smiled at her.

She blushed.

_Aww cutie. She’d make a great sister-in-law…_

Woah. Hold your horses, Eren.

I had to fix what I broke with Levi.

Luckily he and Armin walked in as the thought crossed my mind.

He asked me if I would talk to him outside for a moment, and I hesitated. He assured me that he just wanted to talk, and I slowly got up and followed him outside.

I looked back at Isabel and Armin, who both gave me a thumbs up.

_God they’re dorks._

Levi stopped around the corner from the café, and quickly rushed to explain things.

“Oh my God, Eren! Armin told me everything! Isabel isn’t my date, no no, she’s my sister. She had just come over from France and I just took her down to eat something.”

_Well that explains the accent._

“Your sister? Why was she in France then?” I asked, confused.

“Her adoptive mother moved her there a year ago.”

_Adopted mother? France? Levi...oh… Oh my God._

Levi Ackerman-Zoe.

I thought the Ackerman was his father’s name.

It was.

His biological father’s name.

“Oh Levi I’m so sorry.” I whispered, tears filling my eyes.

_I fucked up royally._

“Hey now, Eren. Don’t cry. You’re too beautiful to cry.” He whispered and ran his thumb over my cheek, catching the stray tear that decided to fall.

I let out a choked laugh.

“Thank you, Levi.” I smiled at him through the tears.

“Don’t thank me.” He smiled back at me.

He asked if he was forgiven and I nodded my head. I could never stay mad at him. I apologised too, because I overreacted. He smiled and told me it was part of my charm.

“So now what?” I asked, rocking my weight back and forwards.

“Now you kiss me.” He winked and captured my lips with his own. It was sweet, tender and loving.

It was everything I needed.

A clapping sound interrupted us, and we turned around to see all the patrons in the café standing at the window applauding us.

_Yeah… My life is totally a soap opera._

Levi bowed, and I copied him for the lols.

_Everyone loves the lols._

I saw Armin standing by the opposite window giving me a thumbs up, and I knew that we would be alright.

Levi and I were in this together and nothing could tear us apart from now on.

Watch out school, a new power couple is on the horizon.

Which reminds me… I have an assignment due tomorrow I haven’t started…

**Shit.**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was meant to be funny but it turned out all sweet and sad and oh God.  
> I'm turning soft.
> 
> I hope you enjoyed!
> 
> Next chapter Levi and Eren go public at school.
> 
> Mishaps occur xx.
> 
> Thank you for all your support! xx


	27. Who Won The Stick Fight?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eren and Levi go public.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone!  
> I hope you enjoy the chapter.
> 
> Many thanks again to IAmNotCapableOfInventingACleverUsername for the oodles of pick-up lines. They're my lifeline xx.
> 
> Enjoy!

**_THE NEXT DAY:_** **_EREN POV:_**

 

The light hit my eyes as morning shone through my curtains.

It was time for school.

_Ugh why?_

I let out a noise akin to a dying zombie (Yes I know zombies are dead. Just enjoy the visual.), and got myself out of bed. Today was the day Levi and I go public at school.

I was so excited. Jean would be so jealous.

_Suck it, Jeanbiscuit._

My shower was very short compared to other days, as I wanted to get to school extra early.

_Wow that is so unlike me._

I loved sleep. So much so that I told my friends I was in a relationship with my bed. We were sleeping together. They laughed and told me I stole that off Tumblr. Maybe I did.

You know my name, not my story.

I threw on some random tracksuit pants, because the track team was having a meeting after school and I couldn’t be fucked changing.

My parents were both sitting down at the table when I joined them. Mom had made French toast.

_Haha mother. How funny._

I swore she knew what happened yesterday, and was rubbing it in my face.

_At least she didn’t give me a parfait in my lunchbox. Yes I have a lunchbox. Don’t you fucking judge me about it being a Britney Spears one either. I love my female singers._

Breakfast went on without a hitch, and soon, Levi was knocking on my door.

I opened the door eagerly, and he greeted me with a chaste kiss on my forehead.

Perhaps I blushed. You’ll never know.

My mother came to the front door just in time to witness the exchange, and she smiled lovingly at the both of us. I had told her that Levi and I were an item yesterday, to which she responded by squealing and throwing her arms around me, telling me how proud of me she was.

I was a little embarrassed.

“Hello Levi.” She greeted him.

“Hello Mrs Jaeger, looking lovely as always.” He said smoothly.

_Always the charmer, Levi._

“Well, I’d hate to break up your little moment, but we need to get to school.” I chimed in, taking the piss out of the both of them.

Levi nodded and laced his fingers with mine.

“Let’s go then, Bambi.” He said teasingly and pulled me out the door to his car.

“Don’t call me Bambi.” I growled under my breath.

My mother just laughed and waved us good bye.

We moved into the car, and Levi drove off to school.

Our conversation wasn’t anything noteworthy, just talking about school assignments and what classes we had…

_Oh **FUCK**. I still haven’t done that assignment… oh well… Que Sera and all that._

“Hey Eren?” Levi asked suddenly.

“Mmm?” I replied.

“Do you have a shovel? Cause I’m digging that ass.”

I snorted.

“What’s with all the pick-up lines?” I asked, silently amused.

“I swore a pick-up line war on you, and I’m determined to win.”

My eyebrows raised.

“You’re on.” I said, thrilled that I might be able to win something against him.

“I may not be a genie, but I can make your wishes come true.” Was my response to his first pick-up line.

“If you were a transformer, you’d be Optimus Fine.” He said, not taking his eyes off the road.

“If my kisses were snowflakes, I would send you a blizzard!”

“You want me to freeze to death, bastard?” He replied, mock outraged.

“Don’t worry! I’d hug you tight and warm you up!” I laughed.

He rolled his eyes and told me we’d finish this later.

_You’re on._

We arrived at school not five minutes later, and Levi quickly got out of the car, and walked around to the passenger side of the car, opening the door for me.

_Woah what a gentleman. I’m swooning._

He smiled down at me and I responded with a goofy smile. I could get used to this.

I got out of the car, and his arm immediately went around my waist possessively. We walked into the school building, and I noticed a number of people staring. At what exactly I didn’t know, but I didn’t care.

I was one half of a power couple. Everyone feared Levi, so by default they should fear me.

_Oh the power._

We walked down the hallway, and were met with Jean and his posse. Jean’s jaw dropped when he saw Levi’s arm around me. I raised my eyebrow challenging. He didn’t answer.

_Good choice, Pony boy._

Levi looked up at me and whispered that he had to go catch up with his friend who was looking at us at the end of the hallway. I smiled and nodded my head, telling him to go to his friend. He went on his tip-toes and kissed me square on the mouth. It held a certain edge of possessiveness, and he prolonged it for a second longer than necessary. He broke the kiss and bid us adieu.

I watched his retreating figure with hazy eyes. That boy could kiss, my God.

Jean’s laughter broke me out of my haze.

“Wow Jaeger, I have to hand it to you. A few months ago and he was chasing you across the track field, and now you’re making out with him? That’s so stereotypically rom-com.”

I glared at him.

“Shut the fuck up, Jean. You’re just jealous.” I narrowed my eyes at him.

“Jealous? Of what? His short stature? He probably has a dick to match.” He laughed, snorting like a goddamn stallion.

_No wonder he’s a fucking horse._

“Quite the opposite actually.” I said smugly. “He has a dick like a Titan. It got rather interesting the other night.”

Jean stopped laughing and his eyes widened.

“Oh my fucking God, Jaeger. That is disgusting.” He made a retching sound.

“I hardly think so, Jeany-boy. Wasn’t it the same with you and Marco?” I said smugly.

He narrowed his eyes.

“Shut the fuck up.” He growled.

_Score two for Jaeger._

I just laughed at his antics. I had long last given a shit about what he thought.

Connie piped up and asked who the top was, and who the bottom was.

I blushed.

“Eren is not taking questions right now, please ask later.” I said quickly as I turned around and ran down the hall.

_Phew. Another spy-like escape by Eren Jaeger._

I looked at my watch, and saw that I had two minutes to get to class.

I bolted.

The bell rang just as I stepped foot into the classroom

_Made it._

It was time to start the day.

 

* * *

 

**_ 2:45PM: _ **

“Alright students, we’re going to test out a new system for last period. All juniors will be paired with a senior for one period a day to help the juniors prepare for their final year of school.” Said a bald-looking teacher I had never seen before.

_He looks like an egg._

The seniors walked in a little after the teacher had announced the agenda, and my eyes caught Levi’s.

_Why hello there, Handsome._

I waved my hand to attract his attention, and he made a move to walk towards me. He sat down next to me at my desk and squeezed my hand.

_I could get used to this arrangement._

“Alright. Does everyone have a senior? Yes? Good. You may start the exercises provided on the junior’s desks.”

_Yeah that’s not going to happen._

“Hey Levi?” I whispered. “Want to finish what we started this morning?”

He raised an eyebrow.

“I meant the pick-up line war, you pervert.” I said, mock offended.

He laughed and shook his head.

“Sure thing.”

_This is why I love him. He puts up with me so well._

“You start.” I prompted him.

He rolled his eyes.

“Did you know they changed the alphabet? They put U and I together.”

I laughed.

“What's wrong? You're looking a little sad and gloomy. What you need is some vitamin me” I winked at him.

“Are your legs tired? Because you been running through my mind ALL day long.”

I nodded my head solemnly.

“Speaking of legs, you know who has a great pair? Mr Pixis.” I said out of the blue.

Levi let out a choked laugh.

“Oh my God, Eren.”

“Well it’s true, isn’t it?” I asked seriously.

“Well I suppose…” Was his response.

_Mr Pixis totally has great legs. I’m jealous._

“You know who has a freaky eye? Mr Dok.” Levi said seriously.

“Isn’t it glass?” I asked.

He nodded.

“That’s freaky. I wonder who lost the stick war then.” I rubbed my chin, thinking.

Levi could barely contain his laughter.

It was an adorable sight.

“Mr Jaeger, Mr Ackerman. I hope I’m not interrupting your tea party.” I heard a voice come from the front of the class. It was Mr Dok.

_Tea party? What are we? 5?_

“Mr Jaeger it was sarcasm. Not that I expect you to understand such complex humour.” He gave me a twisted smile.

_He looks like the fucking Joker._

“Hey now.” Levi called from next to me. “Don’t talk to him like that! He’s more intelligent than he looks.”

I had a smug smile on my face.

_Yeah that’s right, defend me ba—did he just say I look dumb?_

That wasn’t very nice.

I shot him a glare and he shrugged in response. I put my finger to the bottom of my eye and dragged it down my cheek, simulating a tear falling. He laughed silently.

_Asshole._

He was **my** asshole though… wait that sounded weird.

Never mind.

“I wasn’t asking you Mr Ackerman. Now, Mr Jaeger. Do you mind telling me what was so funny?”

I weighed my options for a moment, then I decided that I would tell him. What could be the worst thing he could do?

“Well sir. I was just wondering. Who won the stick fight?”

His face went red.

“What was that?” He asked slowly.

He looked scary as fuck.

“You know... with your eye.” I shifted in my seat.

That did it.

“MR JAEGER. THAT IS A VERY INNAPROPRIATE QUESTION TO ASK SOMEONE WITH A GLASS EYE. HOW DARE YOU? DETENTION. YOU TOO MR ACKERMAN FOR LAUGHING.” He bellowed, and it echoed throughout the classroom.

_I fucked up._

Levi and I sat in silence for the rest of the lesson.

The bell went and we both rose from our seats.

“Are you ready for detention?” Levi asked me with a smirk on his face.

_Of course getting a detention wouldn’t bother him. He’d probably been a bajillion times._

What a badass.

“Yeah, this ain’t my first rodeo. Let’s go.” I answered him.

He raised an eyebrow.

I knew he was judging my choice in quotes.

_Yolo motherfucker._

I laced my fingers with his, and we made our way down to detention.

The room was D5.

_Even its name sounds like a detention derivative._

Bring on the detention. I’m sure there are plenty ways to entertain ourselves.

**_Read that that how you’d like._ **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I got detention once for forgetting my hat.  
> I felt badass.
> 
> What's some things you did that wound you up in detention? I might include some in the next chapter for Levi.
> 
> Levi the little troublemaker.
> 
> Thank you all for reading, commenting and the kudos! They really mean a lot! xx


	28. I Volunteer As Tribute.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The detention.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *throws confetti* Hey guys!  
> New update for you!  
> I hope you enjoy :)
> 
> Many thanks to Shironeko_kohai for the detention story and yujinchanx3 for the pick-up lines. You rock!

**_ DETENTION: EREN POV: _ **

**__ **

There was no one here.

There was literally no one in the room.

It was just Levi and myself.

_Oh, and the teacher too, but that doesn’t count._

The teacher looked up at us and scoffed.

“Fancy seeing you here, Mr Ackerman.” They said sarcastically. “Who’s your little friend?”

Levi ignored the sarcastic comment, and replied to the question.

“This is Eren. He’s my boyfriend.” He said, bored. It was like he had been asked the same question on a regular basis.

“Boyfriend, hey? Well that makes sense... Wait a minute… Eren? As in Eren Jaeger? The track-star? I didn’t know you swung that way, Eren.” They said narrow-mindedly.

_That actually shits me off really badly._

“Yes, I do swing that way. Although, I find it odd that you hadn’t noticed for all these years. You must have very poor eyesight, or be in serious denial.” I answered back without blinking.

Their eyebrow twitched.

“Watch it, Jaeger. There are plenty more detentions where that came from.”

_Oooh I’m so scared._

I didn’t answer. The only sign I gave them that I was listening was a brief thumbs up.

“Take your seats gentlemen. Pick whatever chair you want, there’s no one else here.”

_Thank you, Captain Obvious._

We took our seats next to each other and made quiet conversation.

“You’re not supposed to talk in detention.” The voice called from the front of the room.

“I doubt anyone is going to rat you out if you let us talk.” Levi replied.

_Yeah you tell ‘em._

The teacher grumbled.

We resumed our conversation.

A few minutes passed, and I noticed the teacher shooting glances our way.

_Creepy much?_

“Gentlemen, I hate to sound homophobic, but I don’t appreciate you two displaying obvious public displays of affection towards each other.”

_You have got to be kidding me._

“This actually disgusts me. I’m going to take a walk. I’ll be back when your detention is finished.” They got up from their desk and walked out of the door, shutting it behind them.

_What crawled up his ass and died?_

“You know… we could sue them for psychological damage.” Levi said from next to me.

“We could, but that’d be no fun. I’d like to mess with them.”

Levi nodded his head, and told me he agreed.

_We could have a lot of fun with revenge._

“So… what do you want to do now?” I asked.

“We can swap stories. I’m aware that this isn’t the first time in detention? You said, and I quote ‘this ain’t my first rodeo.’”

I laughed internally. I thought it was a good quote.

“It’s true. I’ve had my fair share of detentions in my time.” I winked at him.

“Tell me about them, and I’ll tell you about mine.”

_I thought he was going to say ‘I’ll show you mine if you show me yours’… not that I’d be opposed to that._

“Okay, well. One time before Homeroom, this girl called Annie who wasn’t even in my homeroom held the door shut so that I couldn’t get into the room and I started yelling at her through the door and swearing. That was like, in seventh grade. The teacher was super pissed and demanded I march myself straight to detention.” I recounted.

_The teacher was a bitch anyway._

Levi shook his head.

“Oh my God, Eren. I have no words.”

I stuck my tongue out at him.

“Careful with that tongue or I’ll bite it off.”

I pulled my tongue back in.

“What about you? What have you done?” I asked him.

He chuckled.

“Many, many things.”

“That’s very vague.” I frowned.

“Well, let’s see.” He thought for a moment. “I was obsessed with the Hunger Games when I was younger. This was my pre-punk era, by the way. We were in Math and my teacher asked who would solve the equation on the board. I stood up in front of everyone and yelled ‘I volunteer as Tribute.’ She wasn’t impressed, let me tell you. The principal thought it was hilarious, however. That’s one of my tamer reasons for detention.”

I was laughing so hard no sound was coming out. I was sitting there clapping my hands like a goddamn seal.

I finally managed to breathe again after a moment.

“Wow that’s… just… Oh my God, Levi.”

“I know, I know.” He chuckled.

“Here I was thinking you were some badass.” I poked his side.

His eyebrows lowered.

“I am badass.”

“Oh yeah? Prove it. I’ll admit you’re badass if you win the pick-up line war.” I challenged.

I raised an eyebrow. He raised his in return.

“Deal.”

_Are you ready to lose, Levi?_

"Do you believe in love at first sight, or should I walk by again?" I looked at my fingernails.

"Know what's on the menu? Me-n-u." His voice lowered.

I shivered.

“You're so beautiful you made me forget my pick up line.”

“Did the sun come up or did you just smile at me?” He ran his fingers up my leg.

Goosebumps now appeared on my skin.

“Do you have a Band-Aid? Because I just scraped my knee falling for you.” I said, pouting.

“You know what material this is?” He grabbed my shirt “Boyfriend material.”

_Woah, good one._

“I'm not trying to impress you or anything, but... I'm Batman.”

He rolled his eyes.

“Do you have a map? I'm getting lost in your eyes.” Levi winked.

“You’re the reason Santa even has a naughty list.” I ran my tongue over my lips teasingly, like he had done at our date a few months ago. I don’t think it had the same affect.

“Do you have a mirror in your pocket? Cause I could totally see myself in your pants.” He chuckled.

_A few days too late for that pick-up line, Levi._

“Are you my Appendix? Because I have a funny feeling in my stomach that makes me feel like I should take you out.”

He scoffed, and I heard him mutter “Biology nerd.”

“Do you like bacon?” He asked.

_Huh?_

“Yes?” I said hesitantly.

“Wanna strip?”

_Oh my fucking God._

I grinned and nodded my head.

He chuckled at me.

“Contain your thirst, Eren.”

“But I don’t want to.” I moved to sit facing him on his lap. I saw his demeanour change.

His arms immediately went around my waist. It might have looked awkward, however, it felt anything but.

I felt empowered.

“Did I win the pick-up line war then?” He asked from underneath my chin.

I shook my head.

“No way in Hell.”

“Then I guess I’ll have to convince you in another way.” His voice trailed off.

_I hope he can’t see the boner I’m sporting… then again… it wouldn’t be a bad thing._

I lowered my head, and teasingly brushed my lips against his. Our breath intermingled, and he smelt like peppermint. My mouth watered.

“And how are you going to do that?” I asked playfully.

“Like this.” Came his reply, and he moved his hands to the hem of my t-shirt, caressing the skin just above my waistband.

I let in an intake of breath.

“Levi…” I let out a whisper.

The door swung open and the same teacher from before stood at the entrance.

“Oh my God. What did I tell you? Get out of the classroom! Get out before I call your parents. I can’t believe I have to witness this.”

Our heads snapped to see a very angry look on said teacher.

They looked pissed.

I jumped out of Levi’s lap, and grabbed his hand, pulling him out of the classroom and down the hallway. We could still hear the teacher yell from the door.

Adrenaline coursed through my veins. It felt awesome.

Levi laughed from beside me. It was a light, carefree sound. It made my heart melt.

We kept running until we reached the carpark, bending over and catching our breath.

Our eyes met, and we burst out laughing. I hadn’t had that much fun in a long time.

I smiled internally as I looked at Levi’s laughing face. It was then I realised I didn’t just love him, I was **in** love with him.

**_Watch out, Shengeki No Community School. Levi and Eren are taking over your school one day at a time._ **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed!  
> I need as many pick-up lines as you can give me, guys! Let's make this a complete train wreck haha.  
> Thank you all for supporting this story. It means the world to me. xx


	29. You Raise A Good Point.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The aftermath of detention.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey Guys!  
> This is just a quick filler chapter that I wrote today on the bus. It helps to move the plot along to our next arc of their adventure/relationship.
> 
> I hope you're ready.
> 
> Thank you so much for reading! xx

**_ EREN POV: _ **

"Well that was fun"

"It was rather." Levi replied.

"Want to try it again in the science room?" I wiggled my eyebrows.

He gave me a deadpan expression.

"That's where my mother is. You know exactly what she'll do."

_Oh right._

"It didn't stop you before." I said slyly.

He looked at me with raised eyebrows.

"Touché, Eren. Touché."

_Hell yeah._

"Anyway, it's the end of school now. What do you want to do?" He asked.

_Continue what we started earlier, and I'm not talking about the pick-up lines._

"I should really head to training. They'll be wondering where I am." I said, rubbing the back of my neck.

"Alright then, you go to training and I'll go to the science room to meet with my mother. I'll discuss revenge with her for you know who."

"We're getting revenge on Lord Voldemort? Thank God. I hate that fucker." I glared playfully.

His face screamed "are you kidding me?"

_Maybe, but I love making you smile. Just accept the fact._

"Yeah. I'll be going now. We have to train for the States." I said.

"You eat like a truck driver, how the fuck do you expect to be light on your feet?" He asked. I knew it was in jest, but damn.

_Easy on my feelings, Levi. I'll have to go eat to combat my emotions now, God._

"You raise a fair point, but don't worry. I have my ways of staying in shape."

"I raise more than just a fair point, if it's anything to go by in that classroom." He said. I swear I saw the side of his mouth lift up in a smirk.

_Oh my God._

I blushed, and hid my face in my hands.

"I must be going now." I made a quick exit down to the track, leaving a hysterically laughing Levi behind.

_Damn him._

I finally reached the track, and the coach was busy glaring at me disapprovingly.

"It's about time, Jaeger. Where were you?"

My face was still red from running down. It was a good look, really.

"I had a detention." I explained.

He shook his head disapprovingly.

"Not good enough, Jaeger. You need to prioritise."

I was being scolded like a child.

_I'm not a child._

"Sorry sir." I lowered my head.

"Sure you are. Anyway, get stretching. You have many laps to run if you have any chance of beating the other students and getting into States."

I nodded my head, and ran down to the middle of the track to meet the other runners. Halfway there I heard my coach yell "JAEGER. I SAID STRETCH."

_I do what I want._

This was going to be a long training session.

* * *

 

**_ LEVI POV:  _ **

Eren is a fucking dork.

Seriously. A fucking dork.

He just looks at me with those sparkling doe eyes and I'm wrapped around his little finger. I would seriously do anything for him if he asked, which scares me. A lot.

I turned on my heel and began walking to the science building, listening to the slowly fading slapping of Eren's shoes on the concrete. It was oddly soothing.

Entering the building, I walked to science room E. That's where my mother taught. She used to teach me, actually. This was last year when I was a junior. She teaches Eren now on a Wednesday.

_I wonder if she has fun teasing him in her class. I bet he goes that beautiful shade of Crimson._

My mother raised her head as I walked in the door, obviously alerted to my presence by my footsteps. That, or she had super sensitive hearing like a bat.

_Well she is batty sometimes._

"Levi! How are you? Did you have a nice day?" She smiled from her desk.

"I'm good. My day was fine, as per usual. I had detention."

She didn't even miss a beat.

"Who'd you punch this time?" She teased.

_Real funny, mom._

"I didn't punch anyone." I said monotonously.

"Then did you and Eren have sex on the desk? I heard about that junior/senior final period thingy. It sounds interesting." She asked again.

_Almost actually. It was Eren's fault._

"No. Eren made a joke about Mr Dok's glass eye and I laughed so hard I attracted his attention and he told us off. We got detention after Eren repeated the joke."

"Ah yes. Mr Dok's glass eye. It's fucking creepy, but cool at the same time. What was Eren's joke?" Her tone was intrigued now.

"He asked Mr Dok who won the stick fight." I informed her.

Her jaw dropped and she let out an unladylike snort. Then she laughed. Hard. Her hand slapped the desk as she gasped for air.

"Oh my God. Have I told you how much I love Eren's sense of humour? It gives me life. Jesus, I love that boy." She wiped a tear from her eye.

"So you've said." I chuckled.

‘Well I do!” She insisted.

I smiled.

“I know.” I said dreamily.

“Ooooooh someone’s in love.” She teased.

“So what if I am?” I asked defensively.

“Then I’m very happy for you.” She smiled softly.

_Help I’m melting. All these emotions. Help._

“Thank you.”

She winked and told me not to thank her.

I smiled.

“Anyway, I need to win a pick-up line war against him. Have any good ones?” I asked.

“As a matter of fact, I do.” She giggled, and motioned for me to come near.

I did.

She whispered them into my ear.

They were perfect.

I knew I would win this, hands down.

**_Watch out, Eren. You’ll never even see it coming._ **

It was on like Donkey Kong.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hange is queen of pick-up lines tbh.
> 
> Stay tuned! xx


	30. Sprite and Soy Sauce.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> April Fools.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys!  
> Sorry that this chapter is a little late. My internet is being a dork.
> 
> Many thanks to Jellybean1196, hai hai, and Ace of Spades for the pick up lines! Keep them coming! xx
> 
> Enjoy! xx

**_ THE NEXT DAY: BEFORE SCHOOL: _ **

**_ LEVI POV: _ **

“Hey Levi?”

“Mmm?” I replied.

“Guess what today is?”

“A Wednesday?” I was being a sarcastic asshole, I know.

“No… well yes, but that’s not what I was getting at.”

“Then what is it?”

“It’s April Fools.”

“Oh, so it is.”

“Remember that teacher yesterday?” He asked.

_Well duh._

“Of course. They essentially cock-blocked me, so it’s obvious that I’d remember.”

“I think we should prank them.” He said suddenly.

“Perhaps we should. What did you have in mind?”

“Come with me to the store, and I’ll show you.”

“Okay.” I agreed.

He took my hand and we walked down to the convenience store, which was only a mile or two down the road. Walking inside, he went straight to the soft drink and picked up a Sprite. Then he walked to the flavouring aisle and picked up some soy sauce.

_The fuck?_

“What on Earth are you doing?” I asked.

“You’ll see”

He paid for the items and we walked down to my car, getting in and driving to school.

"Hey Levi?”

_So many questions._

“Yes Eren?” I said, sickly sweet.

“There are only 20 letters in the alphabet, right?"

_What? Are you kidding me?_

"No, there’s 26."

"Right, I guess I forgot U R A Q T"

_You have got to be fucking with me._

"That's still only 25."

"Don't worry about that, you'll get the D later." He winked.

I snorted.

_Well played._

“Wow that was lame.” I laughed.

“I’d like to see you do better.” He huffed.

I thought for a moment, tapping my fingers on the steering wheel.

“You remind me of my pinkie toe, because I'm going to end up banging you on a table."

He let in an intake of breath.

“Pfft. That was weak.”

_You’re not fooling anyone, Eren._

I raised an eyebrow, inviting him to continue.

“I don't have a library card, but do you mind if I check you out?”

_I admit, that was a good one._

“If I were a stop light, I'd turn red everytime you passed by, just so I could stare at you a bit longer.”

“Are you a camera? Because every time I look at you, I smile.”

_Aww. Well damn. There goes my heart._

"Are you from Jamaica? Because Jamaican me crazy.”

He smiled. It was adorable.

Eren opened his mouth to retort with his next pick-up line, when I stopped him. We had arrived at school. He told me that this war wasn’t over and that he would see to it that he’d win.

_Dream on._

“We have to go to class, but I’ll see you at lunch. We can discuss our plan of action then.”

I nodded my head in understanding.

We both went our separate ways, the bell signalling the beginning of the day.

 

* * *

 

**_ LUNCHTIME: _ **

I met Eren in a janitor’s closet.

It wasn’t as dodgy as you think. This was the only place we could talk without the fear of someone overhearing our dastardly plan.

“So, what is our course of action, Mr Bond?” I teased.

He winked at me.

“What I’m thinking is: We replace their Coke with a little concoction of our own.”

_Huh?_

“What do you mean?” I asked.

“Remember the Sprite and soy sauce? Mix that together and it looks an awful lot like Coke, doesn’t it?”

_Oh my fucking God. That sounds disgusting… but very smart. It was amazing._

“Well, well, well. It seems you have a thing for revenge, don’t you?”

He narrowed his eyes.

“Very funny.” That was obvious sarcasm.

“I know, I’m hilarious.”

He chuckled.

“Anyway. Thoughts?”

“I think it’s a great idea. Do you think you can pull it off?” I asked.

“Do you know who you’re talking to?”

_I’ll give you that._

“Touché”

“Then let’s go.”

We exited the janitor’s closet quietly. Our eyes meet a couple of freshmen. They raised their eyebrows. I saw Eren blush, and say “it’s not what it looks like.”

I turned to face the freshmen.

“On the contrary. It is _exactly_ what it looks like.”

Eren glared at me.

I blew him a kiss.

The corner of his mouth lifted.

“Come on Levi, let’s get a move on and do it.”

One of the freshmen’s eyes widened slightly as Eren dragged me down the hall. Their eyes questioned what ‘it’ was.

I mouthed “me” as I faced them, pointing to myself.

They blushed.

_Ah young innocent minds._

Eren dragged me all the way to the D building.

_Oh my God. Ignore the way that sounded. That was totally unintentional._

“Okay Levi. You stand watch at the door whilst I swap his Coke for the mixture.” Eren said as he walked into D5. The teacher was nowhere to be seen, but his Coke was.

I made a sound of acknowledgment.

He moved to the desk, where the Coke sat harmlessly.

_Of course it’s harmless, it’s a Coke. Which is a fizzy drink._

“Stand guard, Levi” He said as he grasped the Coke gently.

_Wow I should stop. This is just euphemism after euphemism. I’m on a roll. Eren is really getting into me… well **technically** I’m getting into Eren, but you know what I mean._

Eren pulled out the Sprite and soy sauce, pouring it into an empty bottle, identical to the one sitting on the desk. He poured the Sprite and soy sauce into the bottle, creating the brown colour that looks very much like Coke.

“Eren! Oh my God! Teacher!”

He whipped around, fear in his eyes.

I pissed myself laughing.

He grumbled a “not funny.”

“Yes it is.” I laughed.

Eren rolled his eyes.

He picked up the real Coke and walked back to the door, taking my hand and moving down the hallway, binning the bottle in the process.

“Now what?” I asked.

“Now we wait.” He replied. “Let’s go eat some lunch.”

_That sounds like a great plan._

* * *

 

**_ 3:45PM: _ **

The bell rang.

School had ended for the day.

I was disappointed. There was no news of our little prank.

Eren met up with me in the parking lot, and we exchanged bits and pieces about our day. We didn’t bring up the concoction. I guess we probably both knew it didn’t work.

_Pity. It was such a smart thing to do._

We hopped into the car, and went home. Stopping first for ice-cream, however. He loved ice-cream. Especially Cookies n’ Cream.

* * *

 

**_ THE NEXT DAY: _ **

Another day at school.

I doubted it was going to be any different to every other day.

Although, I have been known to be wrong.

It was halfway through first period when the intercom came on.

“Attention students.” The voice sounded through the speakers.

“All classes held by Mr Herring will now be taken by a substitute. Mr Herring has unfortunately been fired after an outburst during final period yesterday. He displayed extremely unacceptable behaviour after he had drank his fizzy drink, a student tells us. The unacceptable behaviour included cussing and random verbal abuse at any student who came near. He is not to return. Thank you for your time.” The voice cut out.

_Mr Herring? So that’s his name. Wait… cussing? Damn, he’s stupider than he looks. I can’t believe we got him fired, though. Wow. Eren’s going to be so proud of himself. I wonder if he heard…_

I snuck my phone out of my pocket and peeked at the messages.

There was one from Eren. I saw a smiley face.

_Yeah. He heard._

Damn that boy and his mischievous ways.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed a little April Fools special.  
> Send me those pick up lines! Let's make this a train wreck of bad pick up lines! 
> 
> Until next time :) xx


	31. Octopi.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Levi comes over to Eren's... uninvited.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey Guys! *throws confetti*  
> hope you enjoy this chapter.
> 
> Thanks to itsrainingbutistillsmile, DemonPrincess713, kittykate928, hai hai and Ace of Spades for the pick-up lines. You guys rock! xx

**_ THE WEEKEND:  _ **

**_ LEVI POV: _ **

I decided I would pay a visit to the Jaeger household, uninvited, of course.

“Oh! Hello, Levi” Carla smiled as she opened the door. “Nice to see you again.”

“Nice to see you too, Carla.” I smiled back. I was such a gentleman.

“You’re so polite, Levi. I wish Eren was more like you.”

I heard a “hey! That’s so mean” from the living room. That would have been Eren.

“Hey Eren!” I called.

“Heya Levi!” He called back.

_Modern romance right here._

“He’s in the living room, Levi.” Carla said from next to me.

“Thank you.” I smiled at her.

She ruffled my hair.

_Must. Resist. Mustn’t. Fix._

I made my getaway, and fixed my hair. It irked me when people touched my hair. Call me a primadonna, I don’t care.

Walking into the living room, I was met with Eren’s ass. Literally. He was doing yoga.

“Eren… What are you doing?” I asked him.

“Yoga.”

“I can see that, my question is why?” I tried again.

“I’m trying to get back into shape for States. My last training session was shit.”

“Eren Jaeger!” I heard from the other room. It was Carla.

“I mean… My training session was…. Poop.”

I mentally face-palmed.

“So how’s the yoga going then?” I asked as I sat down on the couch.

“Pretty good, actually. I’m feeling all Namaste and stuff.”

“Don’t you mean Zen?” I corrected.

“Maybe.”

I chuckled.

“Anyway, I’m done now.” He said. “Let’s go up to my room now. At least I can have freedom of speech up there.”

I heard a laugh from the kitchen. Carla had supersonic hearing, apparently.

We moved from the living room, up the stairs to his bedroom.

“So what do you want to do?” He asked me.

“Why don’t we google some things to do?” I suggested.

“Like a sleepover?” He asked.

“Somewhat.”

He handed me his laptop, and told me to search whilst he lay on the bed. Apparently his legs were sore.

_Funny that._

I opened the laptop and went to our trusty friend, Google. Somehow I accidently clicked on Bookmarks. There were many shifty things there.

Among the Bookmarks included:

  * Countries I can take over with 4 Tumblr Followers

  * Cats

  * Rope

  * 50 Shades of Grey themed party ideas

  * Watermelon

  * Diagnosis of that rash I have




My personal favourite was:

  * Things I want Levi to do to me.




Yup. He had that Bookmarked. I was very wary of clicking it.

“Levi? What are you doing?” He asked me from the bed.

“Looking through what you want me to do to you.” I said casually.

“Oh okay, I—wait what?” He sat up from the bed.

“Eren, you kinky bastard.” I looked up and winked at him. I was totally bullshitting, as I hadn’t clicked on the link.

“Okay, you can give me back my laptop now.” He laughed uneasily.

I shook my head.

“Not yet.”

“Leviiii” He whined.

“Nope. I’m on the octopus role-play now.” I smirked.

_Wait for it…_

“I DID NOT BOOKMARK OCTOPUS ROLE-PLAY” He all but shouted at me.

_Careful, Eren. Your mother might hear._

“I’m bored now, anyway.” I laughed at him.

“Then what else do you want to do?” He asked slowly.

“Finish this goddamn pick-up line war.” I answered.

His eyes lit up.

“Okay, Levi… It’s time to settle this war once and for all. Are you ready?”

“I’m ready, Eren.”

“I’ll go first.”

I motioned for him to go.

"Can I follow you home? Cause my parents always told me to follow my dreams."

_Haha that was a weak one._

"If you were words on a page, you'd be what they call 'fine print'." I said.

"When I first saw you, I looked for a signature, because every masterpiece has one." He winked.

_Well I’ll be damned…_

"Is your name Swiffer? Because you sweep me off my feet."

"I like your shirt... but it'd look better on my bedroom floor." His eyebrows wiggled.

_God dammit. I can’t let myself be beat._

"You must be homework, because I'm not doing you, but I should be." I fired back.

He grinned at me.

_I think he could see my annoyance. It was time to step up my game._

“I'm no weather man, but you can expect more than a few inches tonight.”

_God damn…_

“That shirt's very becoming on you. If I were on you, I'd be coming too.” I retorted.

_Yeah, that wasn’t my best._

“Do you work for UPS? I could have sworn I saw you checking out my package.” He said.

I frowned, then my mother’s pick-up lines came to save the day.

“Are your legs made of Nutella? Because I'd love to spread them!” I smirked.

He gasped slightly.

_Yeah, take that, bitch._

"I hope you have your tetanus shot 'cause tonight I'm gonna nail you." I said again.

It was a double whammy.

"Are you religious? Because you're the answer to all my prayers." He tried. I could see he was faltering.

"Call me Nemo, because I'm gonna touch the butt." I winked.

_Right in the Disney Feels._

"If you were a fruit, you'd be a fineapple." He poked my ribs.

"Without you, life is like a broken pencil. Pointless." I laid it on thick, batting my eyelashes.

"I may not go down in history but I'll go down on you." He smirked.

_Woah. Eren looks good when he smirks._

"Did you survive the Avada Kadavera curse? Because you are drop dead gorgeous." I said. I was such a Harry Potter nerd.

“There will only be 7 planets left after I destroy Uranus.”

I let out a snort.

_That was so dodgy._

“There are 206 bones in the human body. How would you like one more?” I ran my tongue over my lip, giving him a view of the tongue piercing.

He gulped.

“Are you Katniss Everdeen? Because you’ve got my district in an uprising.” He said slyly.

_He was totally making fun of my detention story._

I rolled my eyes.

“Boys!” Carla called. “Time for lunch!”

_Drats, foiled again. I’ll see to it that I win this, Eren. You’ve been warned._

Eren smiled innocently at me, then took off down the stairs to the kitchen, leaving me sitting on the bed, confused.

_Levi. Lunch._

Oh, right.

Let’s go get some lunch.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading!  
> I hope you enjoyed!  
> Send me them pick-up lines! I need as many as you can. The trash must be taken out, after all.
> 
> (Just going to self promote here: I wrote a new fic called Scarlet. It's pretty creepy. Go read it if you want. Maybe you'll enjoy it? I had fun writing it, and it's up to you guys if you want a second chapter for it. :) )
> 
> Thank you all so much for your support! xx :)


	32. Malleable.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eren shows up to Levi's house... uninvited. Sound familiar?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey Guys!  
> I hope you enjoy this chapter. Believe it or not, it moves the plot along.
> 
> Many thanks to Ace of Spades, hai hai, LifeSucksGetUsedToIt and kittykate928. You guys are so awesome and loyal! My God. Thank you all so much!
> 
> xx

 

**_ THE NEXT DAY: _ **

**_ EREN POV:  _ **

The lunch yesterday was a little awkward, and by a little, I meant a lot.

It turned out my mother heard about the octopus role-play…

_Yeah… I’d rather not talk about it._

Levi was just sitting there with a fucking smirk on his face.

I would get him back for that later.

He sat there like a queen, just snacking on his burrito like some innocent angel sent from above.

If angels got hold of him, he certainly wouldn’t be going to heaven.

_Ever._

So here I am.

At his house… uninvited…. Just like he did yesterday.

I knocked on the door and tapped my foot impatiently to the rhythm of Anaconda.

_Don’t judge me._

Hange answered the door.

“Eren! Hey! How are you?”

“I’m good, Hange, and you?” I asked politely. Let’s see how Levi feels when I do this to **his** mother, the little punk.

“I’m good.” She smiled. “Levi’s in his bedroom. Be careful of the stuff on the floor. His bed broke the other day, and we’re trying to get rid of the pieces. It just collapsed.”

_Levi’s bed broke, and I wasn’t the one to break it with my sexual prowess? Bummer._

“Okay.” I moved past her, and up to Levi’s room, dodging the pieces of wood as I went.

I found him lying on a blow-up mattress on the floor, reading a book.

_He looks even smaller than normal. Aww my little gnome._

I decided to sneak in with a pick-up line. I couldn’t get enough of them, and it was my way to win this war. To surprise him and win the crown.

_Snatch the title and snatch the crown. (Thank you Adore Delano. Watching RuPaul’s Drag Race has given me so many one-liners. Ten points for Eren.)_

"Are you Google? Cause you're all I was searching for."

_Hell yeah, Eren._

He didn’t even miss a beat.

"I hope there's a fire detector in here, because you're smoking." He said, still reading his book.

_Dammit._

"Do you pray often? Cause you're gonna be on your knees tonight."

_Good one, Eren._

“I'm like a Rubik's Cube, the more you play with me the harder I get” He yawned.

_Motherfucker. Play the game properly. At least give me the decency to see your losing face._

“Let's play house, you can be the door and I'll slam you all night long” I retored.

"I tried to mail you something sexy but the mailman told me to get out of the mailbox." He turned the page of his book.

_Oh my God. That was perfect. I can’t let him win, though._

"Are you wearing space pants? Because your ass is out of this world."

_Yes. I like that one._

"I wish you were soap because I want feel you all over me."

_Is the book he’s reading a fucking pick-up line joke book or something?_

I was about to retort with my winning pick-up line, when I heard Hange from the other room.

"Are you a metal? Cause you look highly malleable."

_Huh?_

“What?” I asked, confused. I noticed Levi was pissing himself laughing.

“Malleable: The ability to be pounded into a sheet.” She called.

_Motherfucking what? You what, mate?_

I fell to my knees.

A science pick-up line. I had been defeated by a fucking science pick-up line.

_What is life?_

“You win this round, Hange!” I shouted.

All I heard was the sound of her laughter.

Levi had his face pressed into the pillow, muffling his laughter.

That did it.

I ran over to the air mattress and flopped down onto it, which caused Levi to be launched off the side and onto the floor. I stared at him for a moment in shocked. Then I laughed. Hard.

_Holy fucking Jesus. I can’t breathe... Help I’m laughing too much… wow._

Levi looked up at me with a glare.

_Oh shit._

“Eren.” He growled as he imitated the Grudge.

_You know when she’s on all fours like a spider… yeah… that was Levi. He looked terrifying._

I nearly pissed myself.

“Don’t kill me.” I squeaked as he threw himself on top of me, and began tickling my neck and underarms.

_Oh no! Anything but tickling. Shit._

I couldn’t help myself. I began laughing, having no control over my bodies movement.

He took this as his cue to tickle harder.

_Damn him._

“N-no, Levi! S-st-stop!” I laughed, my words being cut off by intakes of breath.

“No. You launched me into the air and I gained like three feet of altitude.”

The sad part was that he wasn’t exaggerating.

“P-please!” I begged him.

Begged him for mercy.

He never gave it to me.

“Levi!” I shouted.

He stopped, and hushed me with a finger.

“Wait for it…”

_Huh?_

Hange burst through the door.

“WHO’S DYING?!” She yelled.

“Eren would have been if you hadn’t come in.” Levi said, on top of me.

“What did he do?” She asked.

“He jumped on the mattress and launched me into the air.” He replied.

“Did you get some air?”

He nodded his head.

“Sick.” She responded.

_This family, I swear…_

“Well Eren, you kind of deserved it then.” Hange said to me.

I looked at her with pleading eyes.

“Help.” I managed to get out.

She shook her head and exited the bedroom.

“Sorry Eren.” She laughed down the hallway.

“Hange! Help me! Don’t leave me!” I begged.

It fell on deaf ears.

Fuck this family, and fuck their “every man for themselves” attitude.

_Fucking fuck._

I would get my revenge, my pretties.

On him and his little dog too…

**If he had a dog, that is.**

How would I get my revenge, you ask?

I’ll eat all of his sprinkled donuts. Especially the pink ones.

He couldn’t live without them.

_Yes… It was perfect._

Now I have to plan my escape route.

I looked around the room.

No escape.

Maybe I could trick Levi into letting me go.

“Hey Levi? I need to pee.” I announced. I didn’t really, but it was worth a shot.

“I don’t care.” He said, still sitting on top of me.

**I guess I’ll just have to bide my time…**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So many crack things in this chapter holy Jesus. 
> 
> I want to say a huge thank you to everyone that has read this fic, past and present. All of your comments are so kind and they really make me happy. I honestly don't deserve all the support I get from you guys, really I don't. I'm just a writer who enjoys horrible pick-up lines and memes more than I love food. 
> 
> I love you all, my MysteriouslySurrealists (That's my new nickname for you guys, clever no?)
> 
> Again, Send me those pick-up lines. My thirst cannot be quenched.
> 
> Thank you for reading! xx


	33. Aqua and Silver.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The boys have a sleepover. A very manly one.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! *throws confetti*  
> Thank you all for reading this story. My pick-up lines and I thank you immensely.
> 
> Many thanks to joannasama, hai hai, thatbloggingirl, DemonPrincess713, Ace of Spades and IAmNotCapableOfInventingACleverUsername for the pick-up lines.
> 
> For every pick-up line my power grows. You are feeding this story.
> 
> Enjoy!

**_ THE SAME DAY: _ **

**_ EREN POV: _ **

 

He still hadn’t let me up.

It had been twenty minutes.

I was starting to get pins and needles.

“Levi, please. I will pee on this mattress if you don’t let me up.”

He grimaced.

“That is disgusting.” He let me up, though.

_Yes! Freedom!_

I got up as quickly as I could and ran out the room.

He thought I was going to go pee, but I wasn’t.

I was going to eat his donuts.

All of them.

Running to the kitchen, I pulled open the pantry.

There they were.

The donuts.

I opened the box and began stuffing my face.

_Revenge is sweet… and doughy._

“Eren? What are you doing?” Hange asked from behind me.

“Get-gbfnvfe revenge.” I said, a mouthful of donut.

She seemed to understand, though.

“Ah okay. Get him back good. He’ll cry if you eat the pink ones.” She laughed.

_Wow Hange. Whose side are you on?_

I nodded my head anyway. The pink ones were my main goal to devour.

They would be all eaten. I don’t care if I gained like, ten pounds. I would get my revenge.

* * *

 

It was done. I had eaten them all, save for one. I couldn't eat that one. It was the one that would give me a heart attack.

I felt so proud, though.

“Hey Eren?” Hange called from the other room. “You wanna just spend the night? There’s no school tomorrow.”

“Yeah. That would be cool.” I smiled to myself.

“Levi! Hange yelled across the house. “Eren’s staying the night.”

“Yeah, I know. I heard.” He yelled back.

_The method of communication is strange, yet effective._

“Hey Eren.” Levi said, walking into the kitchen. “Do you want a donut?”

_Oh shit._

“No. I’m fine.”

_Don’t go to the box. Don’t look at the missing donuts._

He walked over to the pantry and took the donut box out.

“Suit yourself.” He said as he opened the box.

_Oh no._

He looked inside the box, then at me.

“Where are my donuts?” He asked, monotonously.

“Uh… I don’t know?” I tried.

His eye twitched.

“Run.”

_Oh motherfuck help me._

I got to my feet and he chased after me, the one remaining donut (a chocolate one) falling to the floor.

He chased me back to his bedroom, with me screaming for him to have mercy the whole way there.

I dived onto the mattress. He dived on top of me.

“You ate my donuts, you goddamn cactus.” He hit me with a pillow.

“Please have mercy. I’m too young to die.”

“You’re also too young to get diabetes, but you ignored that warning, didn’t you?” He hissed as he assaulted me with the pillow.

“Help!” I yelled, the sound falling on deaf ears.

Hange poked her head in.

_Oh, thank God. My saviour._

“Pizzas here.” She announced, then left.

_What? No. Don’t leave me alone again._

“You’re lucky the pizzas here.” Levi moved off of me and stormed out of the bedroom.

_Saved by the pizza. Thank you, Pizza Gods._

* * *

 

That was some good pizza.

Pity I couldn’t eat more than two slices because I was TOO DAMN FULL.

_Story of my life. All I do is eat._

Levi and I were now sitting on his mattress, talking about current affairs.

_Ha. Yeah right._

“So, what do you want to do now?” I asked.

“Considering we’re having a sleepover, we should end this war. Do you know how many internet sites I’ve been to for these pick-up lines? It’s driving me insane.” He answered me.

“Then admit your defeat.”

“No.” He fired back.

“Then let’s end this.”

“Let’s.” He nodded.

“Ready?”

“Yes.” A smirk graced his face.

_Aww yes._

“You first.”

“There are people who say Disneyland is the happiest place on earth. Apparently, none of them have been in your arms.” He winked.

“Do you live in a cornfield? Because I’m stalking you.”

_Nailed it._

“Jesus, Eren. That is so dodgy.” He laughed.

I shrugged.

“Your turn.”

“Honey, you're sweeter than pie.” He said.

“Why thank you.” I smiled.

“Your turn.”

“Can I take your picture to prove to all my friends that angels do exist?” I gestured to him.

_I’m such a smooth criminal._

“Are you Ariana? Because your ass is grande.”

_Excuse me. What? Unless it’s as big as Nicki’s, I’m not interested._

“Even if there were no gravity on Earth, I'd still fall for you”

_Hell yeah, Eren._

“Are you a campfire? Because you're hot and I want s'more.” He wiggled his eyebrows.

"My name is Skittles, want to taste the rainbow?" I liked that one a lot.

“Did you swallow a magnet? Because you're attractive.”

_Oh, a science one. I see how it is._

“Are you hungry? Cause omelette you suck this dick.” I said casually.

He snorted.

"I know happiness begins with H, but mine begins with you."

“If being sexy was a crime, you'd be guilty as charged.” I mimicked putting handcuffs on my wrists.

"Today I saw something through a store window that was truly stunning, beautiful and sexy. I wanted to get it for you, but then I realised it was my reflection."

Nailing this, Eren. Nailing it.

“I'm no organ donor but I'd be happy to give you my heart.” He smiled.

“Kiss me if I'm wrong, but dinosaurs still exist, right?” I puckered my lips.

He rolled his eyes.

“Can I borrow a kiss? I promise I'll give it back.”

_Damn that was smooth._

My pick-up lines needed to be brought up a notch.

I decided to text Armin on the sly. He was a science nerd.

To Blonde Coconut: **“I need some science pick-up lines ASAP.”**

He sent a reply after a few seconds. He was obviously on his phone. Probably Googling Mikasa’s Facebook again.

He had a thing for Mikasa.

I turned to Levi.

“Those pants would look even better accelerating towards my bedroom floor at 9.8 m/s2.”

He snorted.

_Uh, rude._

“You want science pick-up lines? I’ve lived with my mother for eight years. Do you really think you can defeat me?”

I shrugged.

He smirked.

“What's your resonance frequency?”

_Excuse me, what? How does that sound so sexual… but so nerdy?_

I decided to give a math one a go. I had seen this one on Tumblr.

_Hooray for Tumblr._

“My love for you is like pi... never ending.”

He laughed.

_Fuck you._

Levi was about to say his next pick-up line, when Hange stuck her head through the door.

“Do you like Science? Because I've got my ion you!”

_Jesus Christ. How does she beat me at my own game?_

“Mom…” Levi started. “This is between Eren and me.”

“Oh hush, Levi. I can join in on the fun too. Science pick-up lines are my calling.”

He rolled his eyes.

“Didn't you know that chemists do it periodically on the table?” She said, smugly.

_Motherfucking what now?_

Levi hid his face in his hands.

“Okay, okay. One more and I’ll leave.”

Levi and I both nodded, pleading with our eyes for her to finish up and leave.

“If you were a concentration gradient I'd go down on you.” She winked.

_That’s it. I’m done. Fuck this. Fuck life. Nope. Done._

Levi threw himself down into the mattress and I saw him sigh dramatically.

_He’s such a drama queen. I can’t complain, though. I’m probably worse._

“You boys must go to bed at a reasonable hour, okay?” She asked.

Levi and I both scoffed.

“Yeah, right after we paint our nails and do each other’s hair.” He rolled his eyes.

* * *

 

**_ 12AM: _ **

We had painted our nails and did each other’s hair.

_Don’t judge us._

We both chose very manly colours for our nails. I chose Aqua and Levi chose Silver.

_Those are **very** manly colours._

My hair was in a sexy looking Mohawk and Levi’s was in a top knot.

_I can see you judging us. We only did each other’s hair because we needed our fringes out of the way for the avocado face mask… I’m just going to stop there._

We had gone to bed at ten, which was very strange for me. I usually went to bed at like, one because of school assignments. I went to bed because Levi went to bed. Call me a romantic sap or something, but it’s only because my phone died and he was the only one to talk to.

_Maybe._

Levi went to bed because he said he was ‘tired.’ Yeah right. He was probably all sad because I ate his donuts. Every last one.

_Don’t tell coach._

I had woken up at twelve (give or take, I didn’t know. My fucking phone was flat.), and noticed that Levi wasn’t in the bed with me.

_Maybe he got abducted by those aliens he was on about when he was drunk. Maybe Freddy Kruger got him._

_God. I hope not. That means he’ll be after me next._

_Thanks Levi._

_Maybe he was summoned by his gnome brethren._

_Probably._

My stomach grumbled. I was hungry.

_Time for a midnight snack._

Was I allowed to eat their food, though? I assumed I could. My mother told me to always ask though…

_Fuck it. Maybe they have ice-cream._

Cookies n’ cream ice-cream, here I come.

As quietly as I could, I got up off of the mattress and tip-toed my way down to the kitchen.

I felt like I violated the poor wall, I was touching it so much.

Finally reaching the kitchen, I moved as slowly and as deliberate as I could to the fridge.

I stubbed my toe on the bin.

“Motherfucker.” I hissed under my breath. It stung like a bitch.

Limping to the fridge (at least, I hoped it was the fridge), I opened the door, and was greeted with the cool air. Jackpot.

The light was so dim, like, I could barely make anything out. What kind of a fridge is this?

_Wait. Why the fuck do they have watermelons in the fridge?_

I shook my head.

_Focus, Eren._

My eyes caught a can of Coke. I hoped it wasn’t like the Coke that Mr. Herring drank.

_Haha Mr. Herring. Good times, good times._

I picked up the can of Coke, and lifted it to my mouth. I couldn’t find the hole, so I had to feel around for it with my tongue.

 **Can** llingous.

_Okay, wow Eren. That was bad, even for you. Bad Eren. Get off Tumblr._

I finally managed to get some liquid into my mouth. It wasn’t the soy sauce version.

_Hallelujah._

“What the fuck are you doing?” I heard from behind me.

I whipped around as I screamed, my Aqua painted fingertips shooting out to hit whatever stalked up on me.

There was a figure with a greenish face.

_Oh my god. It was a fucking Martian._

“Ow, Eren. What the fuck?”

_Huh?_

“Levi?” I asked, hesitantly.

Oh. It was just Levi with his avocado mask.

“Yes, you idiot. It’s me. Who else would it be? Ouch I think you scratched my nose.” His voice went nasally at the end of the sentence. I assumed he was nursing his nose.

_Serves you right for sneaking up on me._

“Levi, you fucking walnut. What are you doing sneaking up on me?” I scolded.

“Walnut? What kind of an insult is that?”

“I don’t know, I got it off Tumblr.” I shrugged.

I heard him mumble a “figures.”

“Why are you drinking my science experiment?” He asked me.

“Science experiment?”

“Yeah I put coke in the Coke.” He said.

“You did what now?” I said shocked.

“I’m kidding. It’s rat poison.”

I paled.

“It also says gullible on the ceiling.” He laughed.

_Fucker._

“Come on, let’s go back to bed.”

I nodded my head and followed him up the stairs, with the Coke still in my hand.

Levi had a flashlight. What the fuck. I could have used one of those.

I needed revenge on this goddamn dwarf.

_Yes. Gain his trust and then get him back._

It was perfect.

Attack on Levi: Eren Edition was now in motion.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed that :)
> 
> Note: If I do repeat a pick-up line, please do tell me. Working with so many fries your brain sometimes and you get double ups. Don't be afraid to point it out. I'll fix it with a brand new pick-up line to make up for it! :)
> 
> (Do I say 'send me more pick-up lines' when I already have so many? Of course I do!)
> 
> Until next time! xx


	34. Fabio.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A day of homework.  
> Fun? No.   
> Eren can make it fun, though.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys!  
> Short(ish) chapter, but I hope you enjoy :) xx
> 
> Many thanks to ILoveAnime, hai hai, Ace of Spades, dreamanime, Shironeko_kohai, joannasama and IAmNotCapableOfInventingACleverUsername for the pick-up lines! You rock! xx

**_ THE NEXT DAY: _ **

**_ EREN POV: _ **

It felt good to not go to school on a Monday.

Very good.

I had woken up with Levi’s face buried in my neck.

In any other situation, it would have been romantic, but it wasn’t.

I had a dead arm.

Attempting to move him, I tried to slide my arm out.

It didn’t work.

_Move your ass, Levi._

He didn’t.

I took my free arm, and managed to shove him off of my arm just enough to be freed.

_Praise Jesus._

His body landed back on the mattress with a dull thud.

It was quite funny, actually.

Rolling my body, I attempted to move away from him.

He grabbed onto me. Unconsciously… I think.

I pulled away. He didn’t budge.

_Let go of me, you leech. I need food._

I wriggled in every direction I could. He finally let go.

_Hallelujah._

Moving away from Levi, I got up and walked down to the kitchen, grabbing some breakfast.

I grabbed a bagel.

No more donuts for me. Ever.

**Ever.**

Levi joined me soon after.

It seemed he had finally risen from the dead.

“Hey Eren.” He said, groggily.

_That’s kinda hot._

He grabbed some cereal from the pantry.

It looked like something Jean would eat.

_He eats oats… get it…? He’s a horse…_

No one gets my jokes.

* * *

 

I finally knew how to get my revenge after hours of brainstorming.

You know those fake snakes?

I have one.

Don’t ask why, I just do.

I would put it under his pillow and scare him.

It was genius.

The question was “How do I do it without him noticing?”

I’d have to think, but right now, I had homework to do.

_Ha yeah. Like I’d be doing homework._

We were sitting in his study.

It was time to entertain myself.

“Hey Levi?” I asked.

“Yeah?”

“Are you a fruit, because Honeydew you know how fine you look right now?” I smiled.

“Seriously?”

“Yes.”

He sighed.

“Your body is a wonderland, and I'd like to be Alice.” He said.

_Good one, Levi. I’m impressed._

“Can I do homework now?” He asked.

“No.”

“Please, Eren?” He whined.

I shook my head.

“Tell me another one.” I said.

He sighed.

“Do you run track? Because I heard you Relay want this dick.”

_Oh my God. That was perfect… he still hadn’t won, though._

"I'm drowning in your eyes and I need mouth to mouth." I wiggled my eyebows.

_Nailing this, Eren._

"You must be the square root of -1 because you can't be real." He said, looking back down at his homework.

“Did you get those pants on sale, because I could get them 100% off.”

_Look at me, you fuck._

“You should be doing homework for tomorrow.” He scolded.

_I’d rather be doing you._

“Fine.” I huffed.

I sat down at the desk.

"Do you have a pencil? Cause I want to erase your past and write our future” I tried. I thought it was actually pretty clever.

“I’m not doing this, Eren. I have homework.” He sighed.

“Please?” I begged.

He groaned.

“Are you a magician? Because Abraca-DAYUM.” He grumbled.

_That was pretty good, actually._

“Now let me do my homework.” His tone left no room for argument.

“Fine. We’ll continue this later.”

_Oh, we will._

I was so glad Hange wasn't here to barge in with her pick-up lines. They were far too superior.

* * *

 

I had finished my homework for the moment, so I sneakily got up and snuck up behind him, as he was facing away from me and doing his work.

“If I had to choose between breathing and loving you, I would say "I love you" with my last breath.”

“Eren, I’m not doing this.” He groaned.

“Fine. That means you forfeit.” I said.

His eyes widened.

“You must be from Pearl Harbor, because baby, you're the bomb.” He supplied me.

_Wow. That’s… so insensitive… but so good…_

I wouldn’t lose, though.

“You're so hot you would make the devil sweat.”

_I liked that one._

“Your lips are like candy and I’m the fat kid.” He said, I could see a smile hinting at his lips.

“I admit, I like that one.” I said.

“So do I win?”

“No.” I answered.

He frowned, then I noticed a look come over his face. This wasn’t good.

He made a beckoning motion with his finger, indicating I should move towards him. I walked over to where he sat, and when I arrived, he said, "I knew if I fingered you long enough you would come."

_Holy motherfucking Jesus, what? What? He just… what?_

I saw him smirk.

_Fuck you._

“Hey Levi?”

“Mmm?”

“Excuse me for interrupting, and I’m not trying to make a pass, but you must be leaving the country if you’re packing that much ass.”

He snorted.

_Don’t dismiss that. That was my best one yet._

“God almost didn't make you. He was afraid the angels would get jealous.”

_Why thank you._

“Can I stop now? I really have to do homework.”

I sighed.

“Fine, Mr Academia.”

He thanked me.

_Yeah, whatever._

* * *

 

**_7PM:_ **

_Wow how is it 7pm? Time goes so quickly._

We had spent the day doing homework and assignments.

How interesting.

“We should continue with this war.”

“Really Eren? It’s been weeks. Can’t you just admit defeat?”

“Never.”

“Seriously, though… don’t you ever get bo--”

The lights suddenly went out.

It was pitch dark.

_Fuck. Not again._

I felt something on my shoulder. I jumped. Then I remembered it was probably just Levi.

“Levi…?”

“No, it’s Fabio.”

_Fabio? Fucking Fabio? Really?_

“Nice to meet you, Fabio. I’m Eren.” I said.

“I’m not putting up with your bullshit right now.”

“That’s awfully rude, Fabio.” I said, mock hurt. I still couldn’t see him.

“Eren?”

“Yes Fabio?” I smiled into the darkness.

“Shut the fuck up.”

“Okay.” I pouted.

I guess we have to wait for the power to come back on.

Who knows how long that would take? I knew Hange was out and wouldn’t be back until 10.

_There are plenty of things you can do in the dark._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I left this open for so many things to happen, oh dear.  
> I hope you enjoy that, hopefully next chapter will be a little longer.
> 
> (Pick-up lines? I think yes.)
> 
> Thank you all so much for reading! I really appreciate all the comments you send me. You're all so kind! xx


	35. Lotion For Sensitive Skin.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Levi and Eren try find a flashlight.  
> They also entertain themselves.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! *throws confetti*  
> Finally a long chapter.  
> Many thanks to IAmNotCapableOfInventingACleverUsername, Ace of Spades, ILoveAnime, Tsuran, kittykate928 and joannasama for the pick-up lines. They're very much appreciated.
> 
> (Note: If I don't use your pick-up line, it'll probably be in the next chapter. xx )
> 
> Enjoy!

 

EREN POV: The Blackout.  
  


The power had been out for a minute or so, and I was starting to get bored.

“So…Levi.” I said.

“I thought I was Fabio?”

“Good point. Thanks Fabio.” I chuckled.

I heard him sigh.

“Wanna hear a pick-up line?” I suggested.

“No.”

“Well too bad.”

He growled.

"Excuse me, but does this smell like chloroform to you?"

_Nailed it._

“Eren. That is borderline psychotic.” He said.

“Yeah but wasn’t it clever?” I asked.

“No, it was dodgy and creepy.” He said.

“You’re just jealous you didn’t think of it.”

“Not in the slightest.”

_Rude._

“So, what are we going to do? The powers out.”

“No shit, Sherlock.” I could practically see him roll his eyes.

“That wasn’t very nice.”

“There are flashlights in the cupboard in the kitchen.” He said.

“I’m not going to make my way into the kitchen without being able to see things.”

“Well why not? It didn’t stop you before when you stole my Coke.” He said, confused and annoyed.

“Yes and we see how well that turned out. I thought you were a Martian.” I told him.

“Eren.” He asked.

“Yes Levi?”

“Why would I be a Martian?”

“Well you had a green face.” I shrugged.

“It was the avocado facemask.” He said.

“That’s exactly what a Martian would say to cover up their existence.”

“I’m not a Martian.” He said, annoyed.

“Well I don’t know that. You could be, for all I know. You’re the same height as that Martian on The Looney Toons. What was his name again?” I asked.

“Marvin.”

“Who the fuck names their child Marvin the Martian?” I asked rhetorically.

“His parents apparently.”

“He must be so embarrassed.” I pitied that poor Martian.

“He’s a fictional character.” Levi said.

“Good point.”

“So are you going to come with me to the kitchen to get the flashlight?” He asked.

“Fine, but if this is one of your Martian ploys to kill me, I’ll be very upset.” I huffed.

“Two things. First of all, I’m not a Martian. Second of all, you wouldn’t be upset, you’d be dead.”

_I hate it when he’s right._

“Come on, let’s go.” He said.

“What am I meant to do? Feel the wall up?” I asked.

“If that’s what you have to do.”

There was a silence.

“Hey Levi?”

I heard him sigh.

“What is it, Eren?”

“Are you feeling down? Cause I can feel you up.” Love that pick-up line.

“I’m not doing this, Eren.” He said.

“Then you forfeit.”

“No I don’t.” He said, defensively.

“Yes you do.”

“Don’t threaten me with such trivial things.” He growled.

“Just indulge me for a change.”

“I always give in, what does that say about our sex life?” He asked rhetorically.

“We don’t have a sex life. We fucked once and got cock-blocked about ten times more than that.” I said, cheekily.

“Well, you could just ask. We are alone, after all.” He said.

_Hold up._

“You mean you’d be up to it?” I asked.

“Isn’t that what I just hinted at?”

_Fuck yes. I’m gonna get laid._

“Touché. Can I have a pick-up line first? It’s just a test to see if you love me. ” I said.

“You can have **one**.”

I grinned eagerly.

“Are you a horse? Cause I would like to ride on you.” He said.

_That one was a flop, Levi._

“Sound like a pick-up line Marco would use on Jean.” I laughed.

“Who the fuck is Jean?”

“You know the guy with the two toned hair and long face?” I said.

“Vaguely.”

“There’s a running joke that he looks like a horse.” I told him.

“That makes sense, I guess.”

I laughed lightly. We moved towards the kitchen, feeling around.

"Speaking of jeans, those are some nice ones you’ve got on, do you think I could get in them?"

_That’s right, Eren. Seduce him with your pick-up lines._

“Are your eyes wrenches? Cause they make my nuts tighten.” He said, slyly.

“I thought you said I could only have one… and I just choked on my saliva.”

“Next you’ll be choking on my dick.” He said.

_Jesus Christ._

We eventually made it into the kitchen. I heard Levi scratch around for the flashlight.

“You're like a light switch, you turn me on.” I said.

“We could use a working light switch, actually.” He sighed.

_Don’t ignore the brilliance of the pick-up line._

"Your lips look lonely, maybe I should introduce them to mine." I tried again.

I received no reply.

“If you and I were the last men on earth, I bet we could do it in public.”

Still nothing.

“Levi just tell me a pick-up line.” I said.

He grumbled.

“If it weren't for that damn sun, you'd be the hottest thing ever created.”

“Why thank you.” I beamed.

“You’re welcome.”

“Heaven is having a #1 angel contest and I just found my entry." I said.

“Flattery will get you nowhere.”

_Yeah, nowhere but your pants._

“Are you a mechanic? Cause you should be screwing me.” I said again.

“I will, just give me a minute.”

_Holy shit._

“If Santa Claus comes down your chimney, and puts you in his sack, don’t worry because I wanted you for Christmas.” I wiggled my eyebrows, even though he couldn’t see.

“So, you’re insinuating a big, fat man is going to put me in a sack and take me away? That’s rather dodgy.” He said.

“Just appreciate the pick-up line.”

“Do I have to?” He sighed.

“Yes.”

“Fine.”

“I have on more.” I told him.

“Go on then.”

“If I put my key in your ignition, will it turn you on?” I asked.

There was suddenly a beam of light. He had found the flashlight.

“Already has.” The light shone, barely hitting his face. I could make out a smirk on his lips.

_Oh God._

“Hey Eren?”

“Yes Levi?”

“Do the both of us a favour and sit yourself on the table.” He instructed me.

He shone the light so it hit the table.

I don’t think I could have moved any faster if I were the Flash.

Moving to the table, guided by the light, I sat down on the top of it.

“Now what?” I asked.

The light bounced slightly. He was moving over to me.

“Now we make-out, you clueless fuck.” He opened my legs so he could stand between them.

_I’m down with that._

He lay the flashlight on the table next to me, so we could both vaguely see each other.

It was kind of kinky, really.

“Look at me, Eren.”

_Well you couldn’t really see if I did, but okay._

I looked at him.

His lips crashed against mine and he began to slowly tease my bottom lip with his tongue. The piercing occasionally touched my lip. I liked it a lot.

“You’re such a meme-loving fuck, yet you still manage to arouse me without failure.” He said against my lips. There was air mixing with the wet spot he created, sending a shiver down my spine.

“You love it, though.” I replied. It wasn’t easy to pull off.

He grunted in agreement.

Our lips moved together in synchronisation and the only sound at the moment was our breathing. He took my bottom lip into his mouth and bit on it gently.

_Geez, he’s perfection at this._

His hands wound into my hair as he released my lip, going back to kissing normally. He began slowly running his hands through my hair.

It felt good.

He broke the kiss and gestured to my shirt.

“As much as I’m enjoying this, the shirt needs to go.” He said.

I couldn’t agree more.

My head nodded and I raised my arms. He pulled the shirt over my head, leaving me in a pair of shorts.

“The same goes for you.” I smirked.

He rolled his eyes.

“Do you want to take it off, or should I?” He asked.

“Me, obviously.”

He raised his arms above his head.

“I’m waiting.” He chuckled.

I clicked my tongue and my hands found the hem of his shirt, pulling it up and over his head.

“Happy now?” He asked.

“Yes. Very.”

_I’d be happier if I could actually see you properly._

“That’s good.” He said.

“I know, right?”

“I don’t need your sass right before I fuck you.” He growled.

“My sass is top notch.”

He didn’t reply.

“How are you going to fuck me anyway? We have no lube.”

“That’s okay. My mom’s lotion is on the counter.” He said.

“Is it for sensitive skin?” I asked.

“Yes actually. Why do you ask?”

“I don’t want my ass to burn.”

_Don’t laugh at me._

He snorted.

“Be thankful we won’t use Vaseline.”

I grimaced.

“Touché.” I said.

He took the flashlight and quickly went to the kitchen, leaving me alone in the darkness.

_Hello Darkness, my old friend…_

Levi returned and placed the flashlight back on the table.

“Now, Eren. Are you ready to have your mind blown for the second time?” He asked.

“The first time doesn’t count, we were drunk.”

He chuckled.

“Shut up.”

“Make me.” I countered.

His demeanour changed.

“Oh my sweet, Eren. When I’m done with you, your voice will be raw from all the screaming you’ve done.”

His words went straight to my dick.

“I dare you.” I said quietly.

He only supplied me with a dark chuckle in response.

_Lord Jesus help me._

* * *

 

The lights came on as we finished.

_Thanks for nothing, electricity._

“Well that was fun.” I said breathlessly.

He nodded in response. He was on the floor and on his knees.

“We should do it again.” I said slyly.

“I don’t think I can physically stand up, let alone fuck you into oblivion again.”

“Good point.”

“Hey Eren?” He asked.

“Yes Levi?”

“I love you.” He said.

My stomach did a flip.

“I love you, too.” I told him.

He gave me a tired smile.

“We should probably get dressed. Mom will be home soo--”

The door opened.

Hange was home.

“Levi? Eren?”

Both of us quickly moved to cover our genitals.

She saw us.

“Oh fuck no. You did not just fuck on my dinner table. That is so unsanitary.”

She walked over towards us.

**Bear in mind we were both stark naked.**

Hange looked over on the table.

“Is that my lotion?” She asked.

“Yes.” Levi said.

“That’s very expensive lotion. If you wanted lube you should have just asked.”

“I have some, it’s just in my room.” He said, abashed.

“Then why didn’t you go get it?”

“We were preoccupied.” He said.

She snorted.

“Look boys. I don’t care what you do. Just don’t do it on my dinner table okay? That’s where food goes. Levi before you can pipe up, no, Eren is not a food.”

I blushed crimson.

“Go put some clothes on then disinfect the table. I’ll be in my study if you need me.” She walked off.

I stared at Levi.

“Next time we just do it in the bedroom.”

“Agreed.” He said.

_Fuck. What is this midget doing to me? And why do I like it?_

Who the fuck knew. The only thing I knew was that I had school tomorrow and my favourite pair of underwear was now ripped in half.

_Thanks, Levi._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed that.  
> Haha you thought I'd write the smut. I'm sorry, you were mistaken. Don't worry, however. Real smut will be delivered to y'all and your thirst will be quenched.
> 
> I feel so bad when I don't use someone's pick-up line in a chapter. Don't be saddened, though. It will probably be used in a future chapter where it can be fully appreciated. All of the pick-up lines are awesome.
> 
> Anything you'd like to see next? Any major plot twists you want? Tell me! 
> 
> See you next update! xx


	36. Left Shark.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Another weekend at Levi's. Seriously, doesn't Eren have a life?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys!  
> Okay, wow. This chapter holds no plot development whatsoever, but I hope you like it. It was just something to make someone smile if they needed it :)
> 
> Many thanks to PER5EPHONE, kittykate928, cellophane.bullet, weatherwitch and my good friend L for the pick-up lines. You rock! xx
> 
> Enjoy!

**_ THE NEXT WEEKEND: _ **

**_ EREN POV:  _ **

I was over at Levi’s house today. Big surprise there. It seemed like I spent all of my time at his house. My routine consisted of eat, sleep, school, Levi’s, repeat. It’s funny because I enjoyed it.

_Except for school. I didn’t enjoy school._

I was busy blogging on my phone and scrolling through my dash. It was rather unsuccessful due to Tumblr’s mobile app. It’s just blank space.

_Cause I’ve got a blank space, baby… and I’ll write your name._

Levi broke my thought process. He was sitting on the floor playing Mario. I was lying on the couch.

“Eren.”

“Yes, my dearest Romeo who feeds me, entertains me and allows me to sleep in his bed, what is it?” I said.

He rolled his eyes.

“I just wanted to know what you’re doing.”

“I’m on Tumblr.” I said in a ‘duh’ tone of voice.

“Of course you are.” I heard him click his tongue.

“I’m not bugging anyone, so leave me be.” I said, offended.

“What’s your username, anyway? I bet it’s something meme-related.”

I glared at him slightly.

“mr-jaegerbombastic.” I said.

“That’s a weird username” He chuckled.

“It was based off of that song, you know the one?” I asked.

“No, I don’t.”

“You know. Mr Bombastic.” Obviously.

“Still not ringing any bells.” He said.

“The one that goes ‘she call me Mr Bombastic, very fantastic.’” I tried to sound like Shaggy.

“Right…” He trailed off.

“At least my Tumblr has followers.” I quipped.

“How did you know I had a Tumblr?” He asked, a little shocked.

“I didn’t. You just admitted to it.”

“Fuck. Ignore me then.” He grumbled.

“No. Tell me what your username is.” I begged.

“No.”

“Please?” I whined.

“No, Eren.”

“Pleeeease.” Really begging. What was this?

He sighed.

“levi-ackerman-zoe.” He told me.

“Well that’s boring.” I was slightly disappointed, actually.

“It’s my name.” I could detect the ‘duh.’

“You should have thought of something witty.”

“Like what?” He asked, but I knew he didn’t really care.

“I dunno. A play on your name.”

“My username is just fine, thank you.” He said and turned back to his video game.

“Mmkay.”

“It is!” He stressed.

“So can I follow you?” I asked.

“No.”

“Why not?” I whined.

“You wouldn’t be able to handle the things on there.”

_Please. It’s not like there’s nudes… oh God._

“I bet I could.” I said.

“Besides, I’d have to follow you back.” He chuckled.

“That’s kind of the point. You’re my boyfriend.”

_It was common knowledge you do that._

“I don’t want all your pick-up lines on my dash, though.” He said.

“They’d brighten up your day.”

“I already have you for that.” He smiled.

_Damn, that was smooth._

“Wow Levi. I’m swooning over here.” I put my hand over my heart.

“Shut up.”

“Nah. I’m enjoying this.” I said.

He shook his head.

“What am I ever going to do with you?”

“I can think of a number of things.” I wiggled my eyebrows.

“Get your head out of the gutter and help me pass this level.” He said.

“So you admit that you need me.”

“Yes, God. Now help me before Bowser jumps me.” He said as Bowser made an appearance.

“I’d like to jump you.” I said seductively.

“EREN.” He yelled as Bowser jumped into the air.

“Right, sorry. Let’s help Peach.”

* * *

 

“Did you sit in a pile of sugar? Cause you have a pretty sweet ass.” I said after he was done.

“You’ve already used that one. Your pick-up line game is getting weak.” He said, changing the disk.

_Fuck._

“Let me try again then.” I said.

“You can try all you want. I just won’t be listening.”

“That’s not very nice.” I pouted.

“It’s the truth.” He said.

“If you don’t supply me with pick-up lines, you will lose this war.”

He grumbled.

_God he’s stubborn. Just let me win._

“Are you Brendon Urie? Cause Urie-lly hot.” I said, out of the blue

“Panic! At The Disco? Really?” He sighed.

“Yes.”

“These are just getting worse as time goes on.” He lamented.

“You enjoy it, though.” I said.

“Deep down.” He admitted.

_Fuck yeah._

“I knew it.”

‘Whatever.” He rolled his eyes.

A beat of silence passed.

"It’s not my fault that I fell for you, you tripped me." I said.

“Eren. For God’s sake. I’m trying to kill Dr. Cortex.” He hissed.

“You’re such a video game nerd. That’s supposed to be **my** thing.” I sighed dramatically as I fell back against the cushions.

“Look at all the fucks I give.” He gestured to the air.

“That’s a little harsh.”

“I know.” He smirked.

We said nothing. A few minutes passed. He was still playing Crash Bandicoot, his fingers pressing the buttons on the controller.

"Are you a bank loan? 'Cause you got my interest." I said.

“Eren. I’m trying to concentrate.”

"I may be left shark but I'm right for you."

_Motherfucking nailed it._

“EREN YOU MEME-LOVING FUCK.” He hissed as he got blown up by a Nitro.

"Are you from India? Because I'm trying to get In-di-a pants."

“Eren. Seriously.” He said, attempting to earn back the life.

“Are you Irish? Cause my penis is Dublin.” I leaned down and ran my hand through his hair.

“No, Eren. I’m American.”

“Are you from the Stone Age? Cause your body is rocking.” I lowered my voice.

“Are you trying to get me to retaliate?” He asked.

I nodded my head.

“Give me one reason why I should.” He said.

“Because you love me.” I chuckled.

He sighed.

“Fine.”

I grinned.

“Later.”

My face fell.

* * *

 

“Levi. Your blog is so depressing. Everything is in black and white.” I said, looking up from my phone.

“That’s the way I want it.”

“It’s weird.” I said.

“Better than yours with all of its stupid memes.”

“Leave. The. Memes. Alone.” I threatened.

“Make me.” He chuckled.

“I’m going to unfollow you.”

“Look at me weeping.” It was sarcasm.

“You will weep when I unfollow you and take your follower count back to zero.” I said.

“I’m not phased.” He rolled his eyes and went back to his game.

“Well you should be.”

“Well I’m not.” He said.

“Internally you are.” I tried.

“Not in the slightest.”

_God. Why is this so hard to get a reaction out of him?_

“Will you tag me in things?” I asked.

“If something remind me of you, like a cactus or a shark.”

“Why a shark?” I was confused.

“Because you’re left shark.”

_Fuck yes. I was left shark._

“Will left shark be our forever?” I asked, quoting John Green… well… maybe a little bit.

“What? You want to do the Hazel and Gus thing? Fine.” He said, looking up at me.

“Left shark?” I asked.

“Left shark.” He replied.

_God, we’re in need of some serious help._

Seriously serious help.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah... that held no plot whatsoever. I hope you realise how much I love left shark, though. It's my life and soul.
> 
> (I need pick-up lines! I'm running low! *shock and horror*)
> 
> Thank you all so much for your comments, I honestly don't deserve such kind words for something as dodgy as this haha. I love you all!
> 
> See you next update!


	37. Did You Know?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Car rides to school.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys!  
> I hope you enjoy this chapter! It combines two of my favourite things.
> 
> Many thanks to SuppaKawaiiDesu, Aesa, dreamanime, ILoveAnime, PER5EPHONE, Awkwardly_Me, hai hai and BurningFireBird for the pick-up lines! You've all come to my rescue! xx
> 
> Enjoy! xx

**_ MONDAY MORNING: _ **

**_ EREN POV: _ **

I had spent the weekend at Levi’s house, and now it was time for school.

_Fucking hate school. Why does it exist?_

“Because we need an education.” Said Levi from the couch.

It had appeared I said this out loud.

“Education? The only think I’ve learned this past semester is about electrons. That is freshman shit right there.”

“Everyone needs to learn about electrons.” He said.

That reminded me of a pick-up line.

“Can I be the phasor to your electron and take you to an excited state?”

“Eren that sucked.” He said.

“So do you.”

“As do you in other ways.” He retorted.

“Touché.” I admit that was very good.

He chuckled and packed his lunch into his backpack.

“Do you want me to pack you a water bottle? I know you have training later today.”

_He’s so considerate. I think Cupid shot me in the ass._

“Your body is 65% water and I'm thirsty.” I said.

_Nailed it._

“Well control your thirst and get ready for school.” He said, not looking up.

He was so used to my pick-up lines that he’s thinking of comebacks. I needed to step up my game.

I walked over to him, and managed to stub my toe on the goddamn bin again. I fell to the floor.

“What the fuck are you doing down there?” He asked, making a sandwich.

“Can't help it. I got knocked down by your beauty.”

Levi snorted.

“Smooth.” He said.

_God, I know right?_

"Did you sleep good last night?" I asked.

"No actually. I couldn't fall asleep." He looked a little tired, actually.

_He just opened himself up for another pick-up line._

"I’m sorry.” I apologised.

"What are you sorry for?" He asked, confused.

"I kept you awake in my dream last night. Should I show you what we did?"

He rolled his eyes.

“Eren you need to get ready for school. Make like Sonic the Hedgehog and go fast.”

_There’s another one he just walked into._

"You’re a total game nerd. Want to play with my joystick?"

“Maybe later. Right now you need to pack your lunch.”

I grumbled.

“Fine.”

* * *

 

We were finally ready and got into the car. I knew my plan of action to be the winning pick-up line.

I had to fire them off in quick succession to show my dominance.

“Hey Levi?” I asked.

He was driving, hands on the steering wheel tapping. He let out a sigh.

“What is it, Eren?”

“Want to hear a poem I made up for you?”

He seemed surprised that it wasn’t a pick-up line, and he nodded.

_Oh how wrong you are, my darling._

“Roses are red, handcuffs are naughty. If you ever left me, they'd never find the body.” I said, casually.

His eyes widened.

“Jesus, Eren. Creepy psycho much? I’m getting a little concerned here.” He let out a nervous chuckle.

“Why thank you.”

He sighed.

“Okay I know you have many more pick-up lines in store, so just save me the heartache and tell me them now. I’ll listen and decide on my favourite one.” He said.

“I can live with that.”

He took a few seconds to ready himself.

“Okay… shoot.” He told me.

It was my time to shine.

“What has 36 teeth and holds back the Incredible Hulk? My zipper.”

He snorted.

“Nah.”

“I'm a burglar and I'm going to smash your backdoor in.” I said.

He scoffed.

“Not in your wildest dreams.”

“I must be a diamond now, because you just gave me a hardness of 10.” I wiggled my eyebrows.

He chuckled.

“Not bad.”

_Excellent._

“Are you Pikachu? Because you are shockingly beautiful.” I asked.

I saw the corner of his mouth lift.

“I kind of like that one.”

_Fuck yes._

“Do you work at Subway? Cause you just gave me a footlong.”

“Okay no. That was terrible.” He grimaced.

“Are you a dream? Cause you're my Final Fantasy.”

“I… actually really like that one.” He admitted.

“So does mean I win?”

“No.” He said.

I narrowed my eyes.

“The national debt isn't the only thing that's rising.” I said, looking down at my pants.

“Okay. You know what? I’m going to fight fire with fire.” He said.

I grinned.

“However, not in the way you think.”

My eyebrow raised.

“What do you mean then?” I asked, confused.

“You use your pick-up lines, and I’ll use ‘Did You Know’ facts.”

“That’s against the rules. This is a pick-up line war.” I said.

“Rules are meant to be broken.”

_He was right there._

“Okay. Shoot.” I said.

He smirked as we turned off the intersection.

“Did you know that dreamt is the only word that ends in mt?”

“That can’t be right.” I frowned.

“Then tell me another word that does.”

“I--”

I couldn’t think of any.

“Fine. I admit there isn’t.” I said.

“Told you.”

“Whatever. Tell me another.”

“Did you know that the smallest bones in the human body are found in your ear? That isn’t true for you though. The smallest bone in your body in your pants.” He said.

My jaw dropped.

“LEVI.” I said, shocked.

“What?” He asked innocently.

“That’s so fucking rude.”

He chuckled.

“Want to hear another?” He asked me.

“…fine.”

“Did you know that cows don't have upper front teeth? Smile for me, Eren.” He said.

“Levi that is so rude. I will get out of this car.”

“We’re travelling at 80 miles per hour. Good luck with that.” He chuckled.

I grumbled under my breath.

“What’s the matter? Can’t handle a little teasing?”

“This isn’t the kind of teasing I like.” I sulked.

“Well I’m sorry I can’t keep up with your libido.”

“You should be.” I said.

“I’m not really. You’re just salty because I’m actually keeping up with you.”

“Salty? Is that another left shark pun?” I asked.

“It wasn’t meant to be, but I can make it one.”

“Whatever floats your goat.” I said.

“I think you mean ‘boat’.” He corrected.

“Maybe.”

_Damn it._

“Did you know that a group of kangaroos is called a mob?” He asked.

“Does that mean that kangaroos belong to the Mafia?” I was asking the serious questions here.

“Yes. The Australian Mafia.”

“Awesome.” I said.

“The only members are kangaroos, though. They’ll fuck your shit up.” He said, seriously.

“I’ve heard.” I said.

 _Australia, mate._ _Australia is fully sick brah. Kangaroos, Vegemite and Shrimp on the Barbie._

“Okay. Tell me one more before we arrive at school.” I said.

He thought for a moment.

“Human’s share 50 per cent of their DNA with bananas…. You share 100 per cent.”

“I’m not a fucking banana.” I hissed.

“You’ll be whatever I say you are.”

“No I won’t.” I was being stubborn.

“Yes you will.”

“Levi, I’m not a fucking banana.” I said.

“Maybe not, but you are fucking bananas sometimes.”

I growled.

“Jealously is an ugly thing.” I huffed.

“I’m not jealous of a banana.”

“I’M NOT A GODDAMN BANANA.” I yelled.

He smirked.

“Okay, left shark. Calm down.”

We pulled into the school parking lot.

“We’re here.” He said.

“We will continue this later.” I vowed.

“Probably. That’s only if we don’t get detention this time.”

“I wouldn’t mind a repeat of detention.” I winked at him.

He sighed.

“Eren, get your thirsty ass out of my car before you ruin the seats.”

_Uh, rude._

I made an ‘hmph’ as I exited the car. Levi followed soon after.

He made his way over to me and delivered a chaste kiss to my lips.

“I’ll see you last period, then after school. I’m going to watch your training today.” He said.

I smiled at him and nodded my head.

“Can’t wait.”

I turned around to walk to class, but a sharp pain on my ass stopped me in my tracks.

“Did you… just slap my ass?” I asked, jaw dropping.

“Yes. Now get to class.” He smirked and blew me a kiss, shooing me down the path.

_Have I mentioned how much I love Levi?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some actual plot this time, Praise Jesus.  
> Two of my favourite things in this word are pick-up line and Did You Know? facts. I've combined them into this chapter. My life is complete.
> 
> Also, sorry for the late update. I went on a Maccas run and lost track of time. Don't go on a Maccas run at 11pm guys. That's something Levi and Eren would do.
> 
> (Pick-up lines? Sure. Did You Know? facts? Even better.)
> 
> Thank you all for such kind comments. They really make this worthwhile :) xx


	38. Honey.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> School fun.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heya guys!  
> Hope you enjoy the update... just a little something to put a smile on your face (The goddamn OVA came out today and everyone is in tears, dear Lord.)
> 
> Many thanks to Awkwardly_Me, Ace of Spades, kittykate928, LeviHackerman, PER5EPHONE and joannasama for the facts and pick-up lines! You rock!
> 
> Enjoy!

**_ LAST PERIOD: _ **

**_ EREN POV: _ **

Last period was extremely boring. Levi and I decided we would entertain ourselves in the only way we knew how.

**Pick-up lines and Did You Know? Facts.**

“Did you know everyone has a unique tongue print?” He asked, looking down at his book.

“Really? Can I see yours? Preferably with my own tongue.”

“Are you trying to turn my facts sexual?” He asked.

“Maybe.”

_More like I’m just trying to be a little shit. Contrary to his belief, I wasn’t obsessed with sex… much._

He rolled his eyes.

“Want another one?” He asked.

“Sure.” I said.

“Did you know birds need gravity to swallow, but you don't?”

“Now who’s the one who is turning the facts sexual?” I asked.

“Still you. Mine was very innocent.” He informed me.

I made a noise that sounded like “yeah right.”

He chuckled, face still looking at the paper.

I was about to retort, when I was reprimanded by the teacher.

“Mr. Jager. Focus more on schoolwork and less on socialising.”

_Yolo._

I nodded my head, however, informing the teacher that I was listening.

Levi sat smirking next to me.

“Fuck you.” I said under my breath.

He chuckled lightly in response.

_Dickweed._

* * *

 

**_ AFTER SCHOOL: _ **

**_ EREN POV: _ **

It was time for training. We had finally managed to get out of that hell-hole. Seriously. Some of the students need to learn to keep it in their pants. They are in public.

_Yeah, that’s right. I see you, Armin the Pimp._

I was totally kidding on that last bit…. Armin wasn’t a pimp.

He was a Playa.

Anyway…

Levi had walked down to the track field with me, and we had gotten onto the conversation of graduation. That was a scary thought.

_I ain’t ready for him to leave me just yet. I’m just a little cinnamon roll… too pure for this world and I need my gnome._

“Hey Eren?” He asked.

“Mmm?”

“Did you know that the rarest type of diamond is green? So how did you get them in your eyes?” He asked.

_Woah… that was smooth._

“My eyes are actually contact lenses. In reality I have brown eyes.” I said, sarcastically.

There was a moment of silence where I think he actually believed me.

“No they’re not.” He eventually said.

“Of course not. I’m just messing with you. How does it feel to have the tables turned?”

“Not very nice, actually.” He said.

“That’s me all of the time.” I lamented.

He pouted.

“Poor baby.”

“I’m not a baby.” I said, defensively.

“No… but you are a banana.”

“I’m not a fucking banana, Levi.” I growled.

“Did you know reindeer like bananas?” He asked.

_Jesus fucking Christ. Is this what I’m like with the pick-up lines?_

“So are you saying Reiner will like me, then?” I asked him with a smirk on my face.

“Did you just make an insult, pun and joke all into one?” He asked.

“Yes.”

“That’s impressive.” He admitted.

“Why thank you.”

“My pleasure.” He smiled.

_That’s what she said._

“You got any more of those facts or do you need to go back to google to restock?” I asked him.

“I have a couple.”

“Let’s hear it, then.” I motioned for him to continue.

“Did you know the most commonly used letter in the alphabet is 'E'?” He said.

“E for Eren.” I replied.

He nodded.

“E for Eccentric.” He said.

_Touché._

“E for Enormous dick.” I said, proudly.

“Eren. No.”

I shrugged my shoulders.

“Want to hear a pick-up line? I feel like this conversation has been one sided.” I asked.

“Shoot.”

“Are you a burger? Cause I could see you as the meat between my buns.” I wiggled my eyebrows.

“Okay no, Eren. That was just so… crude.”

“Crude..?” I said, confused.

“Yes, crude.”

“You say crude… but we’ve done everything described in these pick-up lines… and maybe even a little more.” I said.

“You raise a good point, however, it was very blunt. I found it very dodgy and I don’t think I can look at another hamburger without retching and/or laughing.” He sighed.

“Then my job here is done.”

“You’re such a little shit sometimes.” He looked up at me.

“Yeah, I know. I’m **your** little shit, though.” I winked.

He mumbled under his breath. It sounded like “unfortunately.”

“Excuse me? What was that?” I asked.

“Nothing.”

“It didn’t sound like nothing.” I pressed.

He looked up at me, and with a deadpan expression said:

“It was an ‘unfortunately’.”

“Unfortunately? What? You don’t like me being your boyfriend?” I said, offended.

_Not really, though. I don’t get offended easily._

“It was a joke, Eren.” He said.

“Nuh uh.” I shook my finger. “Is this ass not good enough for you, then? Cause I’m the best thing you ever gonna get.”

“Eren, stop trying to be ghetto. You’re not ghetto.” He covered his face with his hand.

“Don’t tell me how to live my life.”

“You’re a gay, white boy. You’re not ghetto.” He said.

I rolled my eyes.

“I forgive you, by the way. For that comment.” I huffed.

“I knew you would.” He smiled.

“Don’t make a habit of thinking I will forgive you, though.”

“I know you would. Anyway, I have ways of making you forgive me.” He said, tone lowering.

_Why hello there, Mr. Innuendo. Where have you been all this time?_

“Tell me what you would do, then.” I said.

He opened his mouth to speak, but was interrupted by coach calling for me.

“Oi! Jaeger. Get your ass over here.”

Levi turned back to me and smile innocently.

“Looks like I won’t be able to.”

_Rats. He got out of it. Again._

“See you after training then.” He winked, and sat down on the bleachers.

_Curse him._

I turned around and jogged back to coach and the others. We immediately went into sprints.

For the whole first half of training.

_Fuck my life._

 

* * *

 

**_ LEVI POV: _ **

Oh my God. Why is Eren so good for a person who eats every junk food item under the sun?

Do you not remember the donut incident?

_I still haven’t forgiven him for that._

Eren was… to put it lightly… running circles around everyone. That wasn’t right. Your diet relies on what you eat, as well as exercise.

I swear to God he’s entered a contract with Satan or something.

States were coming up within the next fortnight or so (See? I’m a good boyfriend for keeping up with these things.). Eren had been making each training session without failure, although he constantly bitched to me about not going. Apparently all he wanted to do was spend time eating, sleeping and scrolling through Tumblr.

_What a dork._

I wasn’t particularly worried about Eren at this point. He was a track-star, so he obviously knew what he was doing… even if I didn’t agree with his methods.

But hey. Whatever floats his boat.

I finally had some time to think about the whole situation. Not that I hadn’t had time before… I was just pre-occupied with school and Eren. Now both of them weren’t constantly in my face, I could think clearly.

How strange it was that both Eren and I had only really known each other for give or take four to five months. In that time, we had experienced so many things that both of us never thought we’d experience. Hell… I lost my virginity to the little shit, and vice versa.

Is four to five months a really short time to really know each other? Because I certainly didn’t think it was that short. I had long ago admitted that I had feelings for Eren, and he admitted his feelings for me.

He had told me he loved me, and I told him I loved him. However, he never said that he was **in love** with me. Only that he loved me. There was a difference.

I’m in love with Eren fucking Jaeger, and I’m not afraid to admit it.

He just needs to admit the same… if he even is in love with me. Chances are that I was just being kept around to look good… not that he’d ever do that.

Eren could well and truly grow tired of me, and I was afraid of the prospect.

I trusted him though, so honestly? There was nothing to worry about.

_Speak of the devil…_

Training had finished up and he was making his way back to me.

“How was training?” I asked.

“I think I lost a lung.” He puffed.

“Then you better go retrieve it.”

“Levi, I’m not in the mood for your sarcasm.” He groaned.

“Now you know what it feels like when the tables have turned.” I mimicked him from earlier.

His eyebrows raised.

“Touché.”

I winked and laced my fingers with his, only to retract it a second later.

“Oh God, Eren. Your hands are sweaty.” I said, slightly retching.

“Well no shit, Sherlock. I just came back from training.”

I wiped my hands on my jeans.

“That’s nasty.” I said.

“At least I’m not wiping my sweat all over you.” There was a hint of mischief in his voice.

_Oh no…_

“You wouldn’t…” I trailed off.

He winked.

“Oh I would.”

“Eren.” I warned.

He stepped closer.

I turned on my heel and began sprinting away from him, not wanting his sweat being wiped on me.

“Eren you little shit!” I yelled as he chased after me.

We ran for God knows, but eventually he lost steam, and slowed down to a jog.

“You only escaped because I’m tired from training.” He puffed, hands on knees.

I rolled my eyes.

“Don’t touch me with your sweaty hands.”

He wiped them on his shorts.

“That’s what I thought.” I said.

He shook his head and eventually ran to catch up with me, walking back to the car.

“You wanna go on a Maccas run?” I asked. “We have a little bit of spare time before your mom wanted you back for dinner.”

“Sure. I want some fries and a milkshake. I need to replenish my energy.” He said.

“You burned a lot of calories back there.” I teased.

“Did you know that sex burns 360 calories per hour? Wanna burn some calories?” He asked, winking.

“Are you calling me fat?”

“Uh… no?” He asked, confused.

“Mhmm.”

“Did you ever realise that screw rhymes with me and you?” He asked.

“That was a horrible fact, and please, for the love of God, keep it in your pants.”

“You do realise I’m just saying all these to get under your skin, right?” He asked me.

“Oh, really? I thought you wanted to get under my sheets.”

“Well… that too… but you know what I mean.” He rolled his eyes.

“You’d think you never get laid.” I chuckled.

He grumbled under his breath.

You want to get a smoothie instead? I heard they use honey instead of syrup. Speaking of which… the reason honey is so easy to digest is because it was already digested by a bee.” I said. I was such a biology nerd.

“So you’re telling me its bee vomit?” He asked, paling.

“Well… yes… but in nicer terms.”

“It’s bee vomit.” He stated.

“Yeah… didn’t you know?” I asked.

“No.”

“Well now you do.” I said.

“I feel sick now. That is disgusting.”

“Just get in the car, Princess.” I rolled my eyes and sighed.

_Such a primadonna._

He glared at me, but opened the door and got into the car.

“Let’s go get fat.” I said.

“Let’s go eat bee vomit.”

“Eren. Let it go.” I said.

“Did you just quote Frozen?” He asked.

“What? No. Eren you meme-loving fuck. Not everything is referencing pop culture.”

“Could have fooled me.” He laughed.

_He’s an oversized kid, I swear._

“Come on, Eren. Let’s go get your bee vomit.”

He shuddered.

_Serves you right, you adorable fuck._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed that :)  
> Thank you all for your sweet comments. They make my day.
> 
> (Question for you all: What was the reason you decided to click and read this story? No particular reason I'm asking... I just want to know what you guys like about it, and how I can further write it to suit you. Your input means a lot)
> 
> I love you all!
> 
> Until next time! xx


	39. McFlurry.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eren and Levi go to McDonalds.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey Guys!  
> Enjoy the chapter!
> 
> Many thanks to joannasama for the facts and lines. You rock!.
> 
> Also, thank you to everyone else who commented such nice things. I love you all.
> 
> Enjoy! xx

**_ EREN POV: _ **

Both Levi and I got into the car, and he pulled out of the parking lot. We drove along the highway, and after a while, we arrived at McDonalds.

_Make up your mind, Levi. Are we getting fat, or nah?_

He looked over to me on the passenger side, and motioned for me to get out of the car. I think not.

“Ever heard of opening the door for me?” I said, outraged.

He rolled his eyes.

“What is this? 1950?”

“It’s called chivalry, and baby… you’ve killed it.” I said.

“It died long ago, along with the common sense of our youth.”

“You’re being overdramatic.” I laughed slightly.

“Am I, Eren? Am I really?” He asked.

I nodded my head.

“Yes, you are.”

I opened the damn door myself.

“You forget that I used to open the door for you.” He said, getting out.

“Well, what happened?”

“You became a meme-loving fuck and I need a way to get rid of you.” He said seriously.

“And they say romance is dead.” I said.

“With you? Never.”

We walked in through the front door, and decided what we were going to order.

“I think I might have a McFlurry…. And a milkshake.” I hummed to myself.

“That’s a lot of ice-cream.” He said.

“It’s calling to me, Levi. The ice-cream is calling.” I sang.

“Well, then ignore it and place your order. I’ll buy. Just get me a water”

_Aww._

“You don’t have to do that… that’s actually really sweet.” I said, swooning.

“I thought you said romance was dead.”

“Well, it is. However, for you I think it was resurrected.” I said.

He rolled his eyes.

“You’re such a kiss-up, Eren.”

“Anything to make you love me more.” I made a kissy-face.

“Hi there! Can I take your order?” A girl at the counter asked.

“Hi! Yes. Can I have a small strawberry milkshake, medium fries and a bottle of water?”

“I don’t know… _can_ you?” She giggled, then winked at me.

_Huh?_

“Anything else?” She twirled a lock of hair around her finger.

_Is she… flirting with me? Dude… I’m gay as fuck._

Levi was suddenly behind me.

Hey, Eren? Did you know, according to a survey of sex shop owners, cherry is the most popular flavor of edible underwear? Chocolate is the least popular. We should try cherry next, don’t you think?”

I choked on my saliva.

“I…I… huh?”

The McDonalds worker was blushing a deep shade of scarlet.

“Oh… I…. sorry…” She managed to get out.

I saw Levi’s eyebrow raise, and he nodded, accepting her apology.

“Your order is 166.” She said, handing me the receipt. Her hand was shaking.

Levi moved away from me, and we walked to the side, waiting for the order.

“You’re such a jealous dork.” I chuckled.

“I’m not jealous. I just didn’t want her to be embarrassed when you told her, and I quote ‘honey… I’m as gay as The Fourth of July and New Year’s combined.’”

_He remembered Rico. I’m impressed._

“You’re totally jealous.” I said.

He growled under his breath.

_Nailed it. Bless him though._

He walked away, moving to an empty table.

_Still got a rockin’ ass, though. Mmm I’d tap that… oh wait… already did._

Score three for Jaeger.

I turned my head to the side, smiling at my antics, and I saw a pretty girl looking at me. Her eyes caught mine, and she smiled.

“Hi. I’m Hitch.” She said.

“That’s a cool name, Hitch.”

“Thank you.” She blushed slightly. “What’s yours?”

“Eren.”

“That’s a nice name.” She said, shyly.

“Nah. It’s pretty girly. I get mistaken for a girl all the time.” I shrugged.

“Well you don’t look like a girl.” She giggled, placing a hand on my bicep. “These certainly don’t feel feminine.”

I felt something warm behind me.

_Oh no. Not again._

“Say, Eren… Did you know, the average shelf-life of a latex condom is about two years? We should probably use yours before they expire.” Levi said behind me.

I whipped my head around to look at him, and his gaze was on Hitch’s hand, which was still on my bicep. It seemed she hadn’t gotten the hint.

“Did you know that male bats have the highest rate of homosexuality of any mammal? Is that why you call yourself Batman?” He asked.

_Oh for God’s sake, Levi. Want me to wear a t-shirt that says ‘Levi’s’ on it? Because I will. I fucking will._

“Hitch? This is my boyfriend, Levi.” I smiled at her.

Her hand retracted like I had shocked her.

“Sorry! I didn’t know you were gay.”

_Oh no…_

“And how does someone ‘gay’ look like? Running around in rainbow colours and thigh-highs? I don’t think so.” Levi narrowed his eyes.

Her eyes widened and she immediately tried to take back what she said.

Levi wasn’t having it.

Eventually she gave up and stayed quiet. Levi snaked his arm around my waist.

“Nice package, let me unwrap that for you.” He whispered into my ear.

“Levi. That’s my thing, not yours.”

“Then give me one. It’ll make me feel better.” He pouted.

“I thought you hated them.”

“I do… but just give me one. It makes me feel special.” He said.

I rolled my eyes, but smiled nonetheless.

“Are you a candle? Cause I wanna blow you.”

A serene smiled graced his lips.

“Thank you.”

“Are you a squirrel? Cause I can see your nuts.” I added for extra measure.

He chuckled.

“Never stop telling me those.”

“I won’t”

_Oh baby. Don’t worry. I have many, many I have up my sleeve._

“Order 166.” A voice called at the counter.

_Fucking finally._

I walked up to the counter and collected my order, walking to the table that Levi had already made his way to.

“Here’s your water. We can share the fries. I probably won’t eat them all.”

_This is true love right here._

“So, Eren. Since I shared my detention story with you all that while ago, you can share a McDonald’s story. Best story gets a McFlurry.”

_McFlurry? It’s on._

“Well… A few years ago, I was eating at McDonalds. McDonalds had at this time installed talking garbage cans, and it was probably intended as a way to get kids to throw their own trash away so employees wouldn't have to do. Obviously, whoever designed those things knew nothing about children. When you put trash into the talking trash can, pushing your garbage in past that plastic spring-loaded flap which says THANK YOU on it, the trash can would say "Thanks for the garbage!" or something like that. You know, things a talking trash can would say.

I think you know what happened next. Children know that trash cans cannot actually speak, so the child, having been congratulated by the trash can, did the obvious thing, and put his head inside the trash can to see who was in there.

Then the spring-loaded THANK YOU flap swung shut and grabbed the child by the neck in the manner of a squirrel trap, and they could not get their heads back out, and there was flailing and muffled screaming, and they had to be rescued by their mother. It was the funniest thing I had ever seen.”

_Evil trash monsters._

Levi had a hand over his mouth to stop him from laughing out loud.

“Your turn.” I said after he had stopped himself.

“Well… It started as a fairly average Monday morning. Began my shift as usual, I worked at McDonalds, you see, and watched over the kids. For the most part there weren't too many incidents. A couple of kids got into a small fight but we usually don't step in unless it's anything serious. Anyway, it was getting kind of late, and I only had an hour left. Two kids got into a pretty big argument, (lots of hair pulling, pushing etc.) I was feeling pretty tired that day, probably still hung over from the night before. Didn't really bother to do anything because it looked like their parents noticed anyway.

One of the kids was fairly older than the other one, and the mother of the younger kid was pretty pissed off that her kid was being bullied. The mother of the older kid was your typical lazy parent who doesn't give a shit about what their child gets up to, and insisted it wasn't her problem.

Now, the mother of the younger kid looked extremely pissed off before they had even begun to talk. I could visibly see her face growing redder and redder as each second passed. She told the other mom that she should bother to raise her kid properly, and said that her daughter should give her child an apology.

The mother just shrugged it off and turned away. Apparently the mother of the younger girl didn't like that, because within seconds, she had grabbed her by the hair and slammed her face into one of the plastic slides.

The rest of the kids simply watched in horror as the mother proceeds to push the woman headfirst into the ball pit while desperately trying to kick her in the head. The last thing I saw, she jumped up and tried to elbow drop her pro-wrestling style.

Quickly got my manager who called the police. The mother was thrown into the police car, and I'm pretty sure they had to get an ambulance for the other women. Needless to say, the playground was closed for a while.” He said.

I was gob smacked.

_Oh my God._

I choked on my milkshake, the liquid coming out my mouth and nose.

Levi handed me a napkin.

“Thanks.”

He winked.

“Any time. Now let’s go home before you drown yourself.”

I nodded, and followed him out the door.

_Crazy shit happens at McDonalds._

The question was though… who won the McFlurry?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wish I could take credit for the two McDonalds stories... but I can't I found them on Reddit and thought they absolutely had to be on here. They made me laugh until it hurt.
> 
> I need the lines and facts, guys! My supply is running low.
> 
> Until next time :) xx


	40. Aquarium.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A date.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys!  
> Wow this is the longest chapter I've ever written, and I hope you enjoy it :)
> 
> Many thanks to Awkwardly_Me, Theago, ILoveAnime, DRAMAticalMurder, DemonPrincess713, Ace of Spades and SupaKawaiiDesu for the facts and pick-up lines. I love you all. xx
> 
> Enjoy!

**_ EREN POV: The following weekend: _ **

Levi and I were going on a date.

Not a dinner date, not a McDonald’s date, nor a coffee date.

We were going to the aquarium.

_I’m fucking going to see my brothers Right, Up and Down shark. I’m so excited._

He had asked me to go in the car on the way home from McDonald’s, whilst my mouth was still full of milkshake. I had nodded my head eagerly, all the while trying not to spill in his car.

I’d be skinned alive if I did.

_I’m being completely serious._

My mother only agreed to let me go if I finally cleaned my room. It had been 3 months since I did. There were things in the room that I hope to never see in my life ever again. I think I’m shocked enough into keeping everything sterilized 24/7.

There were fucking cockroaches living in my old pizza box.

_Do you know how revolting that is?_

After much begging, crying and persuading, I had finally convinced my mother to let me go. She had complained that all I did these days was spend time with Levi, and I mean… she wasn’t wrong.

_There’s nothing wrong with spending time with someone you love, right?_

Of course not.

As long as your studies don’t suffer, to quote my mother.

_Whatever._

* * *

 

Levi had arrived to pick me up and take me to the aquarium.

He looked mighty fine in his skinny jeans and band t-shirt.

_Wait a minute… is that the Black Veil Brides t-shirt I bought him when we went to that marketplace? The one with the seedy old man…. I think it was._

That’s so cute.

“There isn't a word in the dictionary for how good you look.” I said, winking.

His ears tinged a light pink.

“Thanks, Eren.”

“No worries.” I said.

He gave me a chaste kiss hello.

My mother was in the kitchen, so she didn’t hear Levi.

_Praise Jesus._

“Excuse me, but I think you dropped something... my jaw." I made a show of closing my jaw with my hand.

“Eren. Stop trying to seduce me, and let’s go to the aquarium to meet your brothers.”

_Shark family, here I come._

“See ya, mom!” I called.

“Wait, Eren. Let me say hello to Lev--” I shut the door.

“You give your mother so much flack.” He said, shaking his head.

“Sometimes, but I don’t have the patience to watch her flirt with you again.”

“McDonald’s.” He said.

“That was different.”

“How?” He asked, raising an eyebrow.

“Because they were ugly as fuck.”

“You’re just saying that to cover your ass.” He said.

“Hey baby, you must be a mineral, because I crave you.” I tried to divert him.

“Eren, you meme-loving **fuck**.” He whispered as we got into the car. I saw an old lady walk down the street.

“Did you just censor yourself for an old lady?” I asked, incredulously.

“Yes. I didn’t want her to have a heart attack.”

“She’s not that old.” I said, looking at her.

_Little bit of wrinkles… nothing major._

“Eren. She looks like she’s a gust of wind away from falling over and breaking her arm.” Levi said.

I shrugged.

“Perhaps.”

He rolled his eyes.

“Get in the car before I leave without you.” He said.

“You wouldn’t, though.”

He raised an eyebrow.

“Watch me.”

He walked down to his car and started the engine, pulling out of the driveway, leaving me standing at the front door gob smacked.

“Later, Eren.” He rolled down the window to say, then drove off down the street.

_Oh my God. He didn’t. Oh no he didn’t._

I pulled out my phone and called him. He would get a thorough tongue lashing.

“Hello?” I heard his voice.

“Levi, you fucking fuck. Get your ass back here or so help me God.”

I heard him chuckle over the line. A part of me assumed he had a hands-free set. That was good.

_Don’t text, call or Facebook and drive, guys. It could end very badly._

“Levi!” I whined into the line. “Come back.”

“Did you know over 2,500 left handed people are killed a year from using right handed products?” he asked.

“Levi I’m not in the mood for your facts. Come back here and take me to see the things that live in the ocean, and a pineapple under the sea.”

“Eren. Spongebob doesn’t exist.” I heard him sigh.

“Do you lie to your mother like this?”

“Do you have a false sense of reality? Nothing lives in a pineapple, let alone under the sea.” He said.

“Just come back. I’m sorry for doubting you.”

“You should be.” I could practically hear him wink.

The line went dead.

_Great. Now he’s gone._

I heard a screech of tires, and Levi’s car appeared around the corner.

_Or not._

“Get in loser, we’re going to the aquarium.” He made a show of rolling down the windows again.

“You did not just quote Mean Girls.” I said.

“Oh, Eren. I think I did.”

I rolled my eyes, and slipped into the car. Facing him, I mumbled an apology.

“Sorry for doubting you.” I apologised.

He chuckled.

“Don’t worry. I forgive you.”

I breathed a sigh of relief. There was no way that I’d be left alone whilst he drove off again. It was embarrassing.

It was time to get back into his good books.

“Do you work at Starbucks? Cause I like you a latte.” I said.

He smiled.

“I like that one.”

_Nailed it._

“So what do you want to see at the aquarium?” He asked.

“My brethren.”

“I’d laugh if there weren’t any sharks, or if they swam away from you.” He chuckled.

_Charmer, isn’t he?_

“The sharks will recognise their master.”

He nodded his head, slowly. It was very sarcastic.

We drove in silence the rest of the way. It was a somewhat nice change from the constant pick-up lines and facts we threw at each other.

Finally arriving at the aquarium, Levi opened my door (See? He learnt), and waited for me to get out.

“Let’s go, Princess.” He said.

“Be quiet, servant.”

“Eren, be quiet. I don’t want to be kicked out.” He clicked his tongue.

I grumbled under my breath.

We paid for our entrance and walked into the aquarium.

* * *

 

I noticed a fuckton of fish.

“That’s a lot of fish.” I said.

“We’re gonna need a bigger boat.”

“Did you just quote Jaws?” I turned to him.

“Yes.”

I rolled my eyes.

Walking to the shark tank, I found my brothers.

"Hello!" I pressed myself into the glass. "It is I, Eren. Your brother, your master and your supreme over-lord."

"Eren, you're scaring the children." He grabbed my hand and pulled me through the tunnel.

We walked down from the tanks, and a small child stepped in front of me.

“Mommy! I just saw a fish that was as big as Aunt Cindy!” She said.

“There is **NO** fish that’s as big as Aunt Cindy.” The mother said as they walked away.

I had to hold in a choke of surprise and laughter.

“Wow. Shade.” I whispered to Levi.

He nodded.

“Serious shade. Poor Aunt Cindy.”

“I agree.”

We walked down to a pool, where a number of people were standing around.

“Oh look! Stingrays!” I said, excited.

“Actually, sir, those are horse shoe crabs.” The staff member said.

“How can you tell?” I asked.

He flipped the crab over.

“It has claws and feet. Stingrays don’t have feet. Would you like to touch it?”

“No! It will sting me!” I said, shocked at the offer.

“No, sir, I assure it is safe.”

“I don’t think so! You must just be immune!” I stepped away from the crabby thing.

“Eren… It’s in the touch tank.” Levi said from behind me.

“Well if you’ll excuse me.” I walked in the opposite direction.

Levi ran to catch up with me.

“No!” He made his voice high-pitched. “It will sting me!” He burst into laughter.

“Levi, you fuck. It’s not funny.” I hissed.

“It’s very funny.”

“I thought it might sting me.” I said.

“It’s a crab.”

“Pinch me, then.” I corrected.

“It was in the touch pool.”

“It could have snuck in.” I said, seriously.

“I’m sure it was waiting for you to put your hand in, then it would come for you. Be careful, Eren. It could sneak into your room tonight.” He snickered.

I glared at him.

He winked.

“You’re so mean to me.” I said.

“Just giving you back the love I receive.”

I blew him an ironic kiss.

He caught it and stuck out his tongue.

“What do you want to see next?” He asked.

“There’s a fair down the road, let’s go to that.” I suggested.

He huffed, but took my hand and we walked to the exit.

* * *

 

We walked down the road to the fair. It was filled with children. Lots and lots of children.

_Tiny minions of snot and tears, assemble._

“Let’s go on that one.” I indicated to a roller coaster at the end of the stretch of stalls.

Levi had a glint in his eyes.

“Let’s.”

We walked to the roller coaster, and paid for our tickets. Walking up to the height bar, I was cleared and was allowed to proceed. Levi was stopped.

“You’re too short to ride, kid.” The attendant said.

“Kid? I’m 18!” He said, outraged.

“Sorry kid. Rules are rules.”

Levi stormed off the platform. I followed after him.

“You're the perfect height for me, Levi.” I said, behind him.

“I wanted to ride the roller coaster.” He pouted.

“Let me cheer you up then.” I said.

His face brightened.

“I'm not too good at algebra, but doesn't U+I = 69?” I asked.

He snorted.

“Classy, Eren.”

I winked.

“I have more.” Lot’s more, actually.

“Let’s hear it, then.” He said.

“Anything you say can and will be held against you so only say my name.”

“That’s a Fall Out Boy lyric.”

“I know. Isn’t it awesome?” I asked.

“It was okay.”

“I'll make you want to spend more time in bed with me than Sleeping Beauty.” I winked.

“You’re crushing my Disney childhood, Eren.” He said.

“Fuck Disney. Allow me to crush it into a pulp for years to come.”

“Aww. You think we’ll be together for years?” He asked.

I blushed.

“Well… yeah.”

We stopped at a nearby food van, buying a drink each. Levi sipped on his as we walked.

“I think so too.” He stopped and pulled me by my shirt towards him, capturing my lips in a kiss.

He broke it a minute later, and smirked at my blushing face.

“Why, Eren. You're hotter than the bottom of my laptop.” He winked.

_Excuse me? What? Oh no you didn’t._

“You stole my line.”

“That’s okay. You stole my heart. We’re equal.” He retorted.

_Okay, who are you and what have you done with Levi?_

“If it makes you feel any better, you can tell me a fact to make us even.” He said.

I thought for a moment.

“Did you know you burn more calories sleeping than watching television?” I asked.

“Yes. You can burn even more doing something else on the bed.” He ran a hand up my leg.

_You fucker._

“I’ll give you a chance for a better fact.” He said.

“If you watched an object slip into a black hole, no matter how long you watched, you would never actually see the object enter it due to time dilation.”

A wicked smirk crossed his face.

“You also can't see when another object enters your hole due to closed eyes or a blindfold.” He ran his tongue over his lip.

_You fucking motherfucker. I will not sport a boner. You’ve done that to me too many times already._

Levi lifted his drink to his mouth, but somehow dropped it, causing it to spill on the floor.

“I'm sorry Eren, but you owe me a drink."

"What? Why?" I asked, confused.

"Because when I looked at you, I dropped mine.”

_Motherfucker…_

Don’t like that one? What about….You're prettier than Elsa, I just can't let you go.” He asked, innocently.

_Fuck you and your Disney movies._

I glared and turned to walk away.

“This isn’t over, Levi Ackerman-Zoe! You’ll rue the day you decided to take my pick-up lines! You’ll rue it!”

He cleared his throat.

“Uh… Eren?” He said.

“What?”

“How are you going to get home?” He asked.

_Oh shit._

“You’ll rue it tomorrow when I can have a better dramatic exit.” I said.

He shook his head.

“My life would be so much more peaceful if it didn’t have you.” He sighed. I knew he wasn’t being serious.

“Yeah… but it wouldn’t be the same, or any fun.”

He nodded and smiled.

“That it would not.” He said.

He took my hand in his.

“I love you, Eren.” He said.

“I love you too, Levi.” I replied.

We walked hand in hand to the car in silence, just enjoying each other’s proximity.

“You’re still a meme-loving fuck, though.” He whispered.

“Shut up, gnome.”

_Ahh… is this what it’s like to be in love?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't know what that was, but I hope you enjoyed it. :) xx  
> Thank you all for supporting this story, it really means a lot.
> 
> (The harvest is ready for pick-up lines and facts. I need your harvest! xx)
> 
> Until next time!


	41. States.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eren finally runs his race for states.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! *throws confetti*  
> Hope you enjoy!
> 
> Many thanks to Theago, joannasama, Button_Doll, Ace of Spades, Shirochan, Shironeko_kohai and cellophane.bullet for the pick-up lines. You rock! xx

**_ LEVI POV: DAY OF STATES: _ **

Today was the day of states.

Eren was pissing himself with fear. He was worried he wasn’t fit enough.

I told him to eat healthy, what does he do?

The exact opposite.

I’d love to say ‘I told you so.’

We were busy at the track, and Eren was off to my side stretching.

It was rather attractive to watch, I have to admit.

“Is that a cell phone on your back pocket? Cause that ass is calling me” I asked.

“Levi, shut up. I’m trying to concentrate.”

“On a scale of one to America, how free are you tonight?” I tried again.

_He secretly loves it._

“LEVI. That’s not very gentlemanly.” He said.

“I'm a gentleman. My dick stands up so you can sit down.”

“Levi!” He whisper-yelled. “We’re in public.”

“Never stopped you before.”

_The roles have been reversed._

“Are you from France? Because Ma **damn.** ” I said.

“You’re giving me a headache, Levi”

“Did you know, sex actually relieves headaches? A lovemaking session can release the tension that restricts blood vessels in the brain.” I informed him.

“Oh my God, Levi.”

I winked.

“Let’s hope it doesn’t rain, you might get a cold.” I said.

“Did you know, a lot of lovemaking can unblock a stuffy nose? Sex is a natural antihistamine. It can help combat asthma and hay fever.” He retorted.

_Not bad._

“You’re so beautiful that you make forget my pick up line.” I winked.

"You may be asked to leave soon. You're making everyone else here look bad in comparison." He said back.

“The music isn't the only thing you're putting in me.” I quoted.

_Ah Disney._

“Is that High School Musical?” He asked.

“Yes.”

“You know I hate Disney movies.” He said.

“You’re discriminating against people’s childhoods, Eren.”

“I don’t care.” He rolled his eyes.

“What's the difference between a Ferrari and an erection? I don't have a Ferrari.” I wiggled my eyebrows.

He glanced down.

_Oh my God. He checked._

“You’re the doughnut and I'm the baker... Would you like to be glazed or cream filled?” He asked.

I shuddered.

“Eren. I think you’ve just put me off of donuts, and you know how much I love them.”

“Then I’m doing my job right.” He chuckled.

I rolled my eyes.

“Did you know that dolphins are the only animals that have sex for pleasure?” He said.

“Is that why you beg me all the time?”

“Get it right, Levi. I’m a shark, not a dolphin.” He sighed in a ‘duh’ tone of voice.

“Either way, you’re wet.” I winked.

“LEVI.”

I chuckled.

“Anyway, it’s time to go.” He said.

_Damn. I was having fun._

“Okay. Good luck.” I said.

“Thanks, Levi.”

“No worries, Honey Buns.” I ruffled his hair.

“Ugh.”

He walked off as I smirked.

Eren was far too easy to mess with.

The announcer’s voice came over the radio.

“Ladies and Gentleman. Please take your seats. The 200m race is about to start.”

That wasn’t Eren’s race.

I zoned out.

Some blonde kid won. He was buff as fuck.

_Probably on steroids._

“Ladies and Gentleman. The winner of the 200m race: Reiner Braun!” The voice said.

_Who?_

“Please make your way to the podium. You’re going to New York, Reiner!”

He fist pumped.

_What a loser._

“Alright everyone. Please welcome the runners for the 800m sprint.” Said the voice.

This was Eren’s race.

_Good luck, my meme._

They walked up to the track.

_Come on, Eren._

“Racer. Take your marks.” The voice echoed.

They lined up.

“Get set.”

Up went their asses.

_Eren’s ass though… I’d tap that… oh wait. Already did._

“Go!”

Off they went, and I shouted for Eren.

“Come on, Eren! If you win you’ll get all the memes and sex I can give you!”

A woman glanced at me from the side of her eye.

_She was just jealous_

I winked at her _._

She looked away.

Eren pulled ahead of the others, although still not in winning position.

“Oi! Eren! Move your ass!” I called.

He looked in my general direction and winked, increasing his speed to move in front of the other runners.

Eren was now in first place.

_Fuck yes. Go Eren Go._

He ran even faster around the corner, taking it a little too steeply for my liking.

His ankle gave out and he stumbled forward.

_Shit. Why does he have such bad luck? This is **just** like our first meeting._

Eren caught himself before he could fall, and took a moment to get back on track. I had noticed that a few people had passed him. He needed to make up for lost time.

There was only 200m left.

It was the final stretch.

_Pick up your game, Eren._

The crowd cheered.

“Come on, Eren! Make me proud!”

He instantly picked up speed, almost as if he had heard me loud and clear.

I cheered. Loud.

It was so close.

Eren was 10m from the finishing line. There was some guy on his heels.

_Come on, Eren!_

He did it.

Eren crossed the finish line.

He was going to New York.

I might have shed a happy tear or two.

“Congratulations Eren Jaeger.” Said the voice. “You’re going to New York!”

_Wow. Eren leaving for New York. I’m so happy for him. I can’t believe he made it. All his training has lead up to this. He could have made changes, yes (Like his fucking diet.), but he did it. He was going to make me proud… hell… I **am** proud. My meme-loving fuck was going to New York._

Eren ran up to me, still panting from the race. He didn’t stop, and bumped into me.

Sorry, I didn't see you there" He said.

"Well now that you do, do you like what you see?" I gestured to my body.

He rolled his eyes.

“I did it, Levi! I’m going to New York!” He smiled.

“You are. I’m so proud of you.” I really was proud.

“And you thought I couldn’t do it.” He winked.

“I never said you couldn’t do it, only that you needed to be healthier. However… I think a McFlurry is in order. A cookies n’ cream one.”

His eyes lit up.

“Really?”

“Yes. You earned it.” I said.

He pulled me into a hug.

“Thanks, Levi.”

I hugged him back.

“Any time, Eren.”

“Eren?” Carla called from the stands.

He let go of me and gave me a smile, running to his mother.

_She’s probably going to congratulate him._

I stood around waiting, and eventually got bored.

My eyes drifted to Carla and Eren. He looked upset. Very upset.

Eventually he nodded and walked back to me.

“Hey Levi.” He sounded emotionless.

“Hey… what is it?”

“I’m going to New York.” He said.

I looked at him confused for a moment.

“I know… you won your event.”

“I mean I’m going to New York… permanently.” He sighed.

I tried to hide the look of grief that crossed my face.

“That’s great, Eren.”

“No. It’s not. I won’t be able to be with you.” He whined.

“Hey hey! It’s okay! Plenty of couples do long distance.” I comforted him.

“Yeah, but I want to be able to see you… smell you… feel you.”

His face broke my heart.

“Everything happens for a reason, Eren.” I said.

“Well I don’t care. I love you and I want to stay.”

“Eren. You can’t throw away your dreams for me.” I stroked his hair.

“Watch me.” He pouted.

“I--”

“Eren!” Carla called him again.

He looked at me and walked back to his mother.

_Wow. Moving to New York permanently. That’s great… for him. I mustn’t stand in the way of his dreams. His dreams are more important than my happiness._

I loved Eren too much to stand in his way.

Eventually I saw him walk back from his mother to me. His face was brighter. It made me slightly happier.

“What’s gotten you in such a good mood?” I asked.

He grinned from ear to ear and pulled me in for one last hug.

“How would you like to come with us?” He whispered into my ear.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh my.  
> What will Levi's reaction be? (Sorry for the cliffhanger.)  
> I hope you enjoyed :)
> 
> (Send me your pick-up lines!)
> 
> Thank you all for your beautiful comments, and taking the time out to write them. I love you all. xx
> 
> Until next time!


	42. After The Race.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eren gets an answer.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey Guys! *throws confetti*  
> Here's your answer from Levi!
> 
> Many thanks to BurningFireBird, joannasama, Theago, ILoveAnime and Shironeko_kohai for the pick-up lines and facts. I love you all! xx
> 
> Enjoy!

****__ LEVI POV:  
  


“How would you like to come with us?”

I froze. He was asking me to move to New York with him?

My mouth opened to speak, but I couldn’t get any words out.

“I..” I tried to say.

A lump in my throat made its presence known.

“Yes?” He asked, gently.

“I’d love to, Eren.”

He hugged me tighter.

“What about school, though?” I asked.

“You graduate in a few weeks, and I can start the New Year in New York.”

He made a good point.

“We’ll leave after school ends.” He said.

I nodded.

_Moving to New York with my boyfriend… how utterly cliché… but how heartwarming._

I’d have to ask my mother when I got home.

Carla walked over to us, Eren’s arms still tightly wrapped around me.

“Hey boys.” She smiled softly.

“Hey Carla.” I said.

“Did Eren ask you?” She asked me.

I nodded.

“I know it’s a big step, considering that you’ve only been together 6 months… but I knew Eren well enough for him to be sure of what he wants.” She looked lovingly at Eren.

Eren nodded eagerly.

I chuckled.

“Of course I’ll have to talk to my mother.” I said.

“I…” She trailed off. “I’ve already called her.”

My eyes widened.

“What did she say?” I asked, eagerly.

“She got a job promotion to move to New York for the New York Science Academy. So you two wouldn’t have been separated, anyway.”

I rolled my eyes.

_What a coincidence… not._

I was ecstatic, however.

New York.

With Eren.

I felt myself going a little soft in the heart.

_Damn that boy._

“Levi.” He whispered into my ear. “We’re going to New York.”

I hugged him tighter than before.

“Indeed we are, my meme.” I whispered.

Carla turned to walk back to the stands.

“I’ll give you two some privacy.”

“Bye Carla.” I said.

She waved goodbye.

“Hey Eren?” I asked. “Did you know that Tiger sharks’ fetuses fight, and sometimes cannibalize each other in the womb?”

I felt him rip away from me.

“My brethren! How could I?!” He yelled.

I laughed. Hard.

“You could have had a twin.” I teased.

“I know! That’s terrible!”

I pulled him back into a hug.

“Don’t worry, even if you did have a twin, I’d still choose you.” I said, softly.

I felt him smile against my shoulder.

“Thanks, Levi.”

I kissed the top of his head. It felt so intimate.

“Would you have come to New York with me, even if Hange didn’t get a promotion?” He asked me.

I went silent for a moment, thinking.

“Yes. Believe it or not, I want to be there every step of the way for you, and it’s hard to do that here, isn’t it?” I teased.

He tinged pink.

“You’re such a kiss-up.” He attempted to divert the conversation.

It worked.

“I can stop if you want.”

He stood still for a minute, then shook his head.

“Nah.” His voice was muffled by my shirt.

“Honey doesn’t spoil.” I said suddenly. I wanted to see his reaction to the H word.

“Bee vomit doesn’t spoil? Ugh **gross**.” He gagged.

“Chill, no one is making you eat honey.”

“Yeah… but its bee vomit.” He shuddered.

“When a male honeybee climaxes during sex, his testicles explode and he dies. Let’s hope you don’t turn into a bee, Eren.” I laughed.

“Ugh. What the fuck, and why? So I can make bee vomit… I mean **_honey_**?” He shivered with disgust.

“Yes.” I said.

“Well that’s just gross, and why are you telling me all these facts? I’m yet to tell you a pick-up line.” He narrowed his eyes.

“Go ahead, then.”

“Hey, I’m from the Middle East, and I have a weapon of mass destruction in my pants.” He pointed to his shorts.

I pulled away from him and snorted.

“Classy.”

He wiggled his eyebrows.

“I know, right?” He said.

“Allow me to reciprocate then.” I offered.

He motioned for me to continue.

“I love bangs–and I don’t just mean the haircut.” I winked.

He doubled over laughing.

“Oh wow, Levi. Wait until New York gets a look at us.”

“They ain’t ready for this jelly.” I sang, quietly.

“Did you quote Bootylicious?” He asked, incredulously.

I nodded.

“Let’s go home and celebrate with a McFlurry and a movie. What do you want to watch? I’ve got all the Harry Potters?” I offered.

“Harry Potters?” He asked.

I nodded, and he agreed to the movie. I watched him walk back to his mother.

“You don't have to say "lumos" to turn me on.” I called.

“Hagrid’s not the only giant around here, if you know what I mean.” He whipped around and fired back.

I might have choked back a laugh. He was sharper than I gave him credit for.

He turned back around and walked back to his mother whilst I stood there shaking my head. He returned a moment later.

“Wanna come over to **my** place and watch porn on my flat screen mirror?” He asked, innocently.

_Huh? Oh… wait…_

Damn him.

I shook my head at his antics.

“My friends call me Levi, but you can call me tonight.” I said.

“Just call me Chris Brown, because I'd hit that.” He winked.

“Eren! Oh my God!” I said, shocked. That was such a sensitive topic.

“You’ll be screaming that later.”

“Has the winning gone to your head?” I asked.

“No, but the blood has gone elsewhere.” He said, suggestively.

“I seriously think you just do this to get a reaction out of me.”

“Perhaps.” He said.

“Well, if you don’t want to watch Harry Potter, what about Snow White?” I asked.

“You know how I feel about Disney movies. Anyway, are you hoping to see your brothers? You starred in it as Grumpy, didn’t you?” He teased.

I didn’t even blink.

“I’m the eighth dwarf, Sexy.”

He threw his head back in laughter. It was an adorable sight. There was silence for a moment after he stopped laughing.

“Boy are you a word thief, because I've run out of things to say.” He said, tinging pink.

“Knew it.”

“Uh… dragonflies have shovel-shaped penises so they can scoop out their rivals’ sperm.” He offered.

“Eren, what the fuck?” I asked.

“Oh, so you can tell me all those other facts, but I can’t tell you this one?”

“Yes.”

“That’s hypocrisy.” He cried.

“I don’t care.”

“Then I’ll make you care.” He said.

“How?”

“With my bomb-ass pick-up lines….my name isn't Sully, but you could be my Boo.” He pointed to me.

“I thought you hated Disney?” I asked.

“Monsters Inc. is Pixar, not Disney. Educate yourself.” He said.

“Isn’t Pixar owned by Disney?”

“How should I know?” he asked.

I smirked.

“Getting you riled up is fun. Now, are you a jar that's hard to open? Cause I want to bang you over the counter till you pop.” I said.

His jaw dropped.

“This is getting us nowhere. Let’s go home now. It’s about to rain.” He looked up to the sky.

I reached into my pant pocket.

“Excuse me, you dropped your name tag.” I handed him a sugar packet.

“Why the fuck do you have a sugar packet in your pocket?” He asked.

“For tea.”

“You like tea?” He questioned.

“Yes, I like tea.”

“Do you like to think you’re the Queen?” He asked, mockingly.

“You’re a princess, and I outrank you, so yes.”

He narrowed his eyes.

“I admit, that was really good.” He said.

“Thank you. I’ve been waiting to pull out the sugar all day.”

A piece of paper flew past us. It had the numbers of the runners on it. I saw that guy Reiner’s name.

I bent down to pick it up.

“Are you a piece of paper? Cause I'll bet you'd bend for me if I got you wet.” He said, casually.

“Eren, I thought you wanted to go home.”

“I do.” He laughed.

“Then let’s go.”

He walked with me back to the stands. Along the way, he decided he would hip bump me. It hurt a little bit. I hip bumped him back… a little too hard.

He fell to the floor.

I tried to hold in a laugh.

“Come on, Eren. You aren’t going to get anywhere just lying around.” I winked down at him.

He muttered an “asshole” under his breath.

“Perhaps, now come, let’s go watch as many Disney movies as we can.” I took off running.

“Levi, you dildo!” He called after me.

I laughed the whole way back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sometimes I feel I'm too kind to them for their own good. Perhaps I should change that... (I couldn't do that.)  
> Levi and Eren are going to New York, everyone! xx
> 
> Hope you enjoyed the chapter.
> 
> (Send me those pick-up lines! Also... what are they going to do in New York? It's a big city.)
> 
> Until next time! xx


	43. The Move.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eren and Levi move to New York.  
> First, the plane ride.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! *confetti*  
> Hope you like this chapter :) xx
> 
> Many thanks to Shironeko_kohai, weatherwitch, Ace+of+Spades and joannasama for the pick-up lines and facts! I love you all!
> 
> Enjoy! xx

**_ EREN POV: One Month Later. _ **

Today was the day we boarded the plane to New York.

Permanently.

Levi was coming with me… as was Hange…. Can’t forget about Hange… but Levi though.

We had packed mercilessly over the past month, and everything was now in boxes, ready to be moved to New York.

_New York… concrete jungle where dreams are made of… there’s nothing you can’t do…_

Not much had happened over the past month Levi had finally graduated, and I was officially a senior.

_Oh the power…. Jealous of Levi, though… he’s got no more high school classes to attend. The lucky bitch._

We had both been running around our houses, packing and cleaning the final items to be moved. They were all flying on a cargo plane it seemed.

_I hope my bed is in first class…_

Levi had called me as I was taking the posters off my wall, so I answered him… the usual way.

“Eren?” His voice came through the phone.

“Are you a computer? Cause once I get on you I never want to get off.” I said.

“Eren, you fuck. This is serious. I need to know if you have my Nirvana t-shirt.”

I looked over to my bed, and it was sitting innocently. I was going to wear it to the airport.

“No, I don’t. Sorry.” I wasn’t sorry.

He sighed.

“Okay. I guess I’ll keep looking.”

“Are you a hammer? Cause I want to abandon all self-control and bang you on everything.” I said.

I heard a light thud. My assumption was that it was Levi.

His voice came through a moment later.

“Wow.”

“What did you do?” I asked him.

“I dropped my phone from laughing so hard. It has a crack now.”

“How were you laughing if I never heard anything?” I questioned suspiciously.

“Have you ever laughed so hard that it’s silent?”

“Yes?” I trailed off.

“That was me just then.”

“And you have the audacity to call me a dork.” I tsked.

“You **are** a dork.” He said.

“So are you.”

“Whatever, your Royal Dorkness.” He chuckled.

“Are you the spacebar? Cause I want to hit you the most.” I fired back.

“Eren, get off the phone and finish your packing. Everyone is super busy. You should be too.” He scolded.

“I know you're busy today, but can you add me to your to-do list?” I asked, innocently.

“Eren.” He sighed.

“Okay, okay. Fine. See you soon.”

“You will.” He said.

“Love you.” I said, quietly. A smile was on my face.

“Love you too.” He responded.

“Last person to hang up owes the other a--”

He put down the phone.

_Fuck. Now I owe him breakfast. Dammit._

Living in New York with him is going to be the ride of my life.

* * *

 

**_ AT THE AIRPORT: _ **

 

“Levi! Get your ass on the plane or so help me God!” I warned.

“Just let me find a few sleeping pills for the trip.”

“You don’t need them.” I said.

“Yes I do.” He insisted.

“What for?”

“So I don’t have to experience the flight.” He said in a ‘duh’ tone of voice.

“You don’t want to experience the flight with me?” I pouted.

“It’s not that.”

“What is it, then? Don’t tell me you’re afraid of flying.” I said.

“It’s not that I’m afraid of flying, I’m afraid of suddenly **not** flying.” He stressed the word ‘not’.

_My poor gnome._

“Where are your pills, then?” I asked. I was suddenly sympathetic.

“I don’t know! I checked in my bag and they aren’t there.” He said.

“Do you know where they might be then?” I asked.

“If I did, do you think I’d be looking for them?”

“No need to get sassy with me, Stumpy.” I waggled my finger.

“Stumpy?”

“Yeah, I used to call you Stumpy behind your back when we first met.” I informed him.

He cocked an eyebrow.

“Okay, Bambi. It seems I’ll have to fly without them.” He sighed.

_Bambi? Oh no he did not…_

“You can hold my hand if you’re scared.” I offered.

“I’m not scared, I just don’t want to die.” He said.

“That’s called being scared.”

“Whatever, Eren. Let’s just board the plane before they leave without us. Mom and Carla boarded half an hour ago.” He checked his watch.

“Fi--” I was cut off.

“Attention all passengers of flight EL420, this is the last boarding call before the gates are closed. Thank you for your attention.” A voice came over the speakers.

I grabbed Levi’s wrist and we ran to the gate.

There was no way in Hell we’d be left behind.

“Also, is that my Nirvana shirt?”

_Oh shit._

* * *

 

**_ ON THE PLANE: _ **

“Eren, I can’t do this.” Levi gripped the seat.

“Yes you can. Just breathe.”

“Eren, we’re moving.” His eyes were wide.

“Yes, that’s called taxiing to the runway.”

“I’m not daft, punk.” He growled.

“Awesome pun, and you’re the punk here.” I said.

He growled under his breath.

“Just relax and hold my hand.” I told him.

“Eren, what if we die.”

“We aren’t going to die on this plane, Levi.” I whispered.

“But what if we do?” He asked.

_Where was Hange when you need her?_

“Then you and I can reclaim our thrones in Hell.” I told him.

He shot me a glare.

“Hold my hand.” I ordered.

He took my hand in his.

“Close your eyes.” I told him.

He closed his eyes.

“Deep breaths, and relax. I’ve got you.”

He nodded and squeezed my hand slightly.

The airplane began moving faster up the runway.

He began taking shallow breaths.

“Shhh. It’s okay. Listen to my voice.” I tried to soothe him.

He nodded.

We lifted off the ground.

He whimpered.

“Hey Levi?” I whispered into his ear. “You've been selected for a promotion...because of your accomplishments in bed.”

He cracked a small smile.

“Thanks, Eren.”

“Just helping you out like you’ve helped me out so many countless times before.” I said.

“Touché” He chuckled.

I stuck my tongue out at him, but he couldn’t see so it was all good.

“Remember when I got my ear pierced?” I asked.

His smile spread wider.

“Yeah. You screamed like a girl.”

I glared at him and gave him the middle finger.

We were now safely in the air. Levi let go of my hand and turned to face me.

_I had the window seat, bitches._

“I think I’m okay now.” He said.

I shot him a thumbs up. He looked into my eyes.

“Did you know you can slowly get rid of your gag reflex by brushing your tongue with a toothbrush daily for a few months?” He asked.

“That’s good to know.” I leered at him.

“Eren, you’re such a pervert.”

“You’re just as bad.” I said.

“Never claimed I wasn’t”

"Say… I heard you were looking for a tree topper? I've been told I'm a star on top." I winked.

“By whom? Blonde Coconut?” He asked, teasingly.

“That’s none of your business.”

_Armin? No._

“Eren, you were a virgin.” He rolled his eyes.

“So?”

“Just proving your inaccuracies.” He said.

“God, you really are your mother’s son.”

“Sure is!” I heard a few rows down from us.

_Oh… right. They’re on the plane too._

Levi snuggled in closer to me, as close as he could with the seat in the way, that is.

"I'd show you my whole world, but I'm sure you own a mirror." He kissed my head.

My heart did a flip, and my face broke into a smile.

“You’ve been so lovey-dovey lately.” I observed.

“Perhaps I have been. Do you want me to stop?”

_Do I want him to stop?_

“Nah… I like it.” I said.

“I’m glad.” He smiled.

He lifted up the arm rest between us (because you can totally do that on planes, aww yeah.), and I lay my head on his lap. He ran his fingers through my hair.

“Did you know, that 1% of the species of fish in the world are sharks?” he asked.

“My brothers are only the 1%? That’s terrible. We need to take over the population.”

“If you did, you’d throw the ecosystem out of whack.” He informed me.

_Yup… definitely his mother’s son. What a science nerd._

The air hostess came down the cabin aisle a few minutes later. She stopped at our row.

“Would you gentlemen like anything?” She asked.

_I bet those tits are fake…_

"Do you want anything?" Levi looked down at me.

"Yeah, a million bucks." I said, offhandedly.

"If you want a million bucks, just go look in the mirror." He replied.

I saw the air hostess struggle to keep in a smile. We told her that we might want something later, and she walked off to serve the other passengers.

“Did you know, that a Saw Shark uses its snout to pierce its prey?” He asked.

I turned my head so my nose was on his knee, and I moved my head back and forth.

“Eren, what the fuck?”

“I’m a Saw Shark.” Well duh. Obviously.

“You’re something, and it starts with a D.” he rolled his eyes.

“Delicious?” I asked.

“No.”

“Divine?” I winked.

“No.”

“Debonair?” I tried.

“No.”

“Then what?” I asked.

“A dork. A massive one at that.”

_Bitch please._

"Smile if you want to sleep with me." I said out of the blue.

“Huh?” He was confused.

"Smile if you want to sleep with me."

His face remained stoic. I gazed into his eyes. He didn’t blink. Neither did I.

I saw the corners of his mouth twitch. He was close to breaking.

Then he laughed.

“I can’t concentrate if you’re looking at me like that.” He said between laughs.

“Bad luck.”

He stopped laughing.

“Speaking of bad luck, you owe me breakfast.” He smirked.

_Damn. How did he know?_

“What do you want? I’ll make it when we get to New York.” I asked.

“An omelet.”

“An omelet?” I questioned.

Yes, an omelet.”

“Not a donut or pancakes?” I clarified.

“No.”

“Okay… well… omelet you in on a secret. You and I would brie perfectly gouda. Life would be feta if we were togetha. We'll be grate.” I said.

_Love my puns._

We sat in silence for a moment.

“Eren, you fucking dork.”

_New York, here we come._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Levi's fear of flying comes from my fear of flying. I hate plane rides.  
> Hope you enjoyed that bit of fluff and humour. These dorks are way too in love for their own good.
> 
> Send me your pick-up lines! I have a plan for them *hint hint*  
> (PS: @joannasama... I see your facts.... sharks and sex.... you know this story too well haha. Thank you!)
> 
> Until next time! xx


	44. Plane Rides Part 2.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dorks on a plane, part 2.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! *confetti*  
> Hope you like the chapter! 
> 
> Many thanks to Shironeko_kohai, BurningFireBird, Ace of Spades' friend and joannasama for the lines, facts and jokes. I love you all!
> 
> Enjoy! xx

**_ EREN POV: _ **

“Eren this flight is taking forever.” Levi whined.

“Levi. It’s only been an hour.”

“Well I’m bored.” He said.

“Then watch a movie.”

“There aren’t any good movies on, though.” He pouted.

“Just bear with it and watch a Disney movie or something.”

A Disney movie? Do you want to watch it with me?” He winked, cheekily.

“No. You know I hate Disney movies.”

“But Eren.” He whined.

“Don’t you ‘but Eren’ me, Levi.”

“Call me Ariel, because I want to be part of your world.” He said, slyly.

“You did not.”

_Oh, I think he did._

“Whether you’re Jafar or Ja-close I'll all ways be yours.” He petted the top of my head.

“Levi, oh my God.”

"It's a joke, not a dick, stop taking it so hard." He rolled his eyes.

“LEVI.” I said, shocked.

He winked at me.

“I think you’ve found our entertainment, then.” I grumbled.

“Well, would you like to join in?”

_Now you’re speaking my kind of language._

“You must be a backpack because you'll be on my back all day every day.” I said.

“Are you a cauldron, because I'll bet I can stir things up inside you.” He fired back.

“Is it just my shark instincts, or do you look really delicious right now?” I winked.

He snorted.

“Oh my God, Eren.”

_Yes, oh my God, Eren._

"Do you like sleeping?" I asked, casually.

"Not really" He sighed.

"Me too, we should sleep together somet--DAMMIT YOU RUINED MY PICK UP LINE.” I was miffed.

His laughter shook me gently.

“Is your name Wi-Fi, because I feel a connection.” He said.

“That’s meant to be my pick-up line.” I glared up at him.

“So? I said it, therefore it’s mine.” He winked down at me.

“You’re so hot even my zipper is falling for you.” I said.

He looked down at my pants.

“That’s an inaccurate pick-up line. You’re laying down, therefore your zipper can’t move.”

_Fuck you and your science mind._

“I don’t care about accuracies, just take the pick-up line.” I huffed.

He shook his head, but took the pick-up line anyway.

“On a scale of 1-10, you are a 9… you'd be a perfect 10 if you were with me.” He said.

“Bitch please, I’m a 10 on any given day.”

He rolled his eyes.

“Okay, Jan.”

“YOU DID NOT JUST USE A MEME.” I whisper-yelled.

“Oh, but I did.”

“God, Levi. Sometimes I think you’re as bad as I am.” I chuckled.

“No one can be as bad as you, Eren.”

“…. Touché.” I had to agree.

“Did you know, baby sharks are called pups?” He asked.

“So if I have a baby, I’ll have to call it a pup?” I asked back.

“Eren.”

“Yes, Levi?” I asked, innocently.

“You’re a male.”

“And?”

“Do you have a uterus?” He asked.

“… No.”

“Then you can’t birth a child.” He stated.

“You know my name, not my story.”

“Eren, why are we talking in memes?” He asked me, clicking his tongue.

“Because we’re cool like that.” I said.

“No, we’re dorks. Mainly you, though.” He informed me.

I shot him a glare.

“Dorks on a plane: The sequel to Snakes on a Plane.” I said, proudly.

“Oh my God, Eren.”

“What?” I asked.

“That… was actually really good.” He admitted.

I beamed up at him.

“Thank you.”

He smiled down at me.

“Close your eyes and get some rest, we don’t want to be jetlagged in New York.” He coaxed me.

“But I don’t want to.”

“Eren, just do it.” He said, firmer.

I huffed.

“Fine.”

My eyes closed, and soon enough, I drifted off to sleep.

* * *

 

I woke up an hour later.

Levi was still immobile, since my head trapped him in his seat, and he was happily munching on a donut.

“Hey I got you a cupcake but it’s not as sweet as you.” He smiled down at me.

_Woah, you smooth criminal._

“Thanks, where is it?”

“I ate it.”

_You what now?_

“You ate my cupcake?” I asked, bottom lip trembling.

“Yes.”

“But why?” I must have looked like a sad puppy.

“Revenge for the donut incidence.”

_Touché…_

“But that was my cupcake.” I whined.

“And those were my donuts.”

“You’re really salty over those donuts, aren’t you?” I observed.

“Yes. They were mine and you ate all the pink frosted ones.”

_It was totally worth it._

“Do you bleach your teeth? Cause your smile lights up the entire room like a candle in the dark. Let's go prove it.” I said, trying to divert the conversation.

“Eren, we’re in a plane 50,000 feet above ground level.” He sighed.

“It’s called the mile high club.”

“Eren, no.” He said, firmly.

“Eren, yes.”

“Eren, why?” He asked.

“Eren, because.”

He sighed.

“Eren, you dork.” He said.

“Levi, you cactus.” I retorted.

He chuckled.

“Did you know, there are seven calories in a teaspoon of semen?” He asked me, as innocent as the devil.

“Only 7? Great. Then I can work it off too.” I winked.

“Eren, you’re so sex-obsessed.” He chuckled.

“Only with you, Levi.”

“Did you know, researchers from the University of California found that men who helped with the housework got 50% more sex than those who did none?” He said, still on the topic of sex. On a plane, no less.

“Got any shelves you want me to dust?” I asked.

“Have you not seen my house? Tell me that you’ve seen dust in my house.” He looked down at me.

_I couldn’t._

“Good point.”

He ruffled my hair.

“Excited for New York?” He asked me.

“Yes, very.”

What are you most excited for?” A smile hinted at his lips.

“Probably the food.”

“The food.” His smile faded.

“Yes, the food.”

He shook his head.

“Anything else?” He asked.

“Yes.”

“What then?”

“Spending my days with you.” I kissed his hand that I had in mine.

“As sweet as that is, nothing would have changed then.” He said.

“You make a fair point, but I personally found what I just said to be adorable.” I rolled my eyes.

“It was, I was just stating a fact.”

“Oh! Speaking of facts, did you know, sharks are closely related to stingrays?” I asked, excited.

“I did not.”

“Does that make my cousin left stingray?” I clarified.

“… Yes.” He said.

“Excellent.”

“Eren, you are literally a living trashcan of memes.” He chuckled down at me.

“I know, and you love it.”

“Most of the time.” He said.

* * *

 

“Attention passengers. We will now begin our descent into New York. Please fasten your seatbelts and prepare for landing.” A voice came over the cabin speakers.

“Praise fucking Jesus.” Levi said.

“Levi, it wasn’t that long.”

“Four hours is a long time.” He tilted his head back on the headrest.

“Not really, if you think about it.”

“I think you’ve permanently cut the circulation to my legs off.” He mock glared down at me.

“And you have the nerve to call me a drama queen.” I rolled my eyes.

“I’m not being a drama queen, I’m being serious.”

_He was totally being a drama queen._

“Buckle your seatbelt up. We don’t want you flying across the cabin when the plane plummets to the ground.” I said.

He shuddered and glared at me.

“Yes. Heaven forbid.”

“Just wait until we begin our descent.” I teased him.

“It can’t be any worse than the takeoff.” He said, eyes closing.

_Oh believe me, it can._

“You’ll see.”

* * *

 

“Eren oh my God I can’t do this.”

_Here we go again._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this wasn't as funny as the chapters.... I have a few things going on at the moment.  
> Hopefully this is okay, though :)
> 
> (Thanks to Ace of Spades for that 'Dorks on a Plane' joke. I literally died.)
> 
> Send me what you would like now, if you want, that is.
> 
> Until next time! xx


	45. Welcome to New York (It's been waiting for you)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Welcome to New York!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey Guys! *confetti*  
> Here's a new chapter, nice and early :) xx
> 
> Many thanks to Ace of Spades for the pills and hand holding idea, and joannasama for the pick-up lines, neighbours idea, and facts. I love you both! xx
> 
> Enjoy! x

**_ EREN POV: _ **

We had finally landed in New York

_Praise Jesus._

Levi had only freaked out slightly…

_Just a little._

I had to hand it to him, though. He was very brave to get on a plane without his sleeping pills. I don’t think I could have done that if I had a fear of flying.

_Well… not a fear of flying… a fear of suddenly **not** flying._

We had walked through the terminal, with our parents walking ahead of us, and Levi had reached into his bag for a donut.

_Like… he’s obsessed with them. Especially the pink ones. I swear that’s all I’ll get him for his birthday._

Levi dug around in his bag, and I watched his face harden. He pulled out a box of pills.

His sleeping pills.

“Are you fucking kidding me?” He growled under his breath.

“Levi. Chill. We’ve landed and there’s nothing we could have done prior to that.”

“Yeah… but my sleeping pills were right here in my bag.” He shoved the back away from him, disgusted.

“Levi, calm down.”

“Don’t tell me to calm down, Eren. I could have had a peaceful flight if I had taken the pills.”

“Shhh.” I held out my hand. “Do you mind holding this for me? No? K, thanks" I grabbed Levi's hand, picked up his bag, and walked with him out of the terminal to catch up with our mothers (and my father. He had a habit of wondering off, though.).

Levi was still grumbling under his breath when we reached our families.

“Are you a sheep cause your body is unbaaaaalievable.” I whispered as we walked.

He held in a laugh.

“Thank you.”

“Eren? Are you telling pick-up lines again? Haven’t you run out of them yet?” My mother asked, looking over her shoulder.

I shook my head.

She turned back to Hange, talking to her about how I would always come home with a new pick-up line. Hange laughed and said the same thing about Levi, except he came home with facts.

Levi muttered under his breath.

“Not all the time.”

Hange looked over her shoulder.

“Yes. All the time.” She smiled warmly at him.

I laughed quietly at the scowl he shot her. I knew it was all in jest, though. He could never have a negative thought towards his mother.

“I’m no rooster, but watch what this cock-a-do-to-you.” He whispered back at me when he thought our parents weren’t listening.

I snorted.

“Charming.”

“Like you can talk.” He retorted.

I shrugged.

“Did you just come out of the oven? Cause you're hot.” I did that whole ‘tiss’ sound when I put my finger on him.

“Eren, you’re such a dork.” He chuckled.

I winked.

“Sure am.”

“Eren, you need to get better pick-up lines. Some of them are God-awful.” My mom turned her head to look over her shoulder again.

“I’d like to see you do better.” I said, offended.

She thought for a moment. I couldn’t believe it. She was actually going to participate.

“Does your left eye hurt? Because you been looking right all day.”

My jaw dropped.

“That was a fluke.” I said.

_That’s not fair. 10+ years of listening to pick-up lines gives her an advantage._

“Would you like another?” She asked, smiling sweetly.

“Yes. I want to see you back it up.”

“Does your watch have a second hand? I want to know how long it took for me to fall in love with you.” She smiled. My father made an ‘ooooh.’ In the background.

_Fuck, my family is weird. Thank God I’m an only child._

“Is that enough?” She asked.

I shook my head.

“There are many fish in the sea but you're the only one that's caught my eye.” My father piped up from the side. They ganged up on me.

Hange was busy pissing herself with laughter.

I seethed.

“Whatever.”

That caused them to all begin laughing.

Laughing at me.

Levi couldn’t stop laughing from beside me.

“Cheer up, Eren.” He managed to get out.

“I refuse to be outshone by my own mother and father.”

“Did you know, the ocean gets its saltiness from the tears of misunderstood sharks who just wants to cuddle?” He asked.

_Yes. There’s a fact that fits the situation._

“Should I go back to the ocean and cry to replenish the salt content? I’m sure I can now after all of you laughed at me.” I said, pouting.

That caused them all to laugh again.

_Cue teenage angst. They’re so mean to me._

“Do you come with coffee and cream? Cause you're my sugar” Levi said, trying to stop his laughter.

I raised an eyebrow. It was time to move in for the kill.

_See what I did there? Because I’m a shark… and sharks kill…. Nevermind._

“Baby you be the tree, and I’ll wrap around you like a koala bear.” I said, casually.

I heard a throat clear. It was my mother.

“Keep it clean, Eren.”

I sighed.

“Yes, mom.”

Levi shook silently next to me. He was failing miserably at keeping a stoic façade.

_Stupid gnome._

* * *

 

The ride to the new house had been long. There was nothing to do other than engage in a silent battle of Rock Paper Scissors with Levi.

He won.

**Every. Single. Time.**

“We’re here! Welcome to your new home.” My mother called from the front seat. We stopped in the driveway, and all five of us got out (we had rented a 7 seater for the moment, until our own cars arrived.).

The house was big, but not too big, in a wonderful location, clean and bright. It was beautiful.

_Not as beautiful as Levi, though._

I saw Levi appraising it.

“Not bad.” He said under his breath.

_Damn right._

My father opened the door, and I saw all our stuff already there, in the boxes.

It seemed the Removal Company gotten here first.

“This is a nice house.” Hange said from behind me.

My mother smiled and nodded.

“Thank you.”

“You’re welcome, Carla.” Hange responded.

_It seems they are the best of friends now. Look at this. Levi and I’s relationship uniting people since 2015._

“So, mom. Where do we live?” Levi asked, running a hand though his hair.

_I like running my hands through that hair._

“Let’s go and I’ll show you.” She said.

“We’re walking?” He raised an eyebrow.

“Yes. It’s only a short distance.”

“Okay.” He sighed. “See you around, Eren. Text me, okay?” He turned to me.

I smiled and kissed him goodbye.

“Okay.”

He and Hange walked out of the door.

“This is a really nice house, I can’t believe it’s so close to school, college and the mall.” I said, looking around again.

“We pulled a few strings to make you happy.” My mom said.

“You certainly did.”

“You should go look at the pool.” She suggested.

_There’s a pool?!_

I walked (ran) outside, to look at the pool. It was big, clean and baby blue. I liked it a lot. My thoughts went to swimming in it, when I heard a voice.

It was Levi’s.

“You’re joking.” He said.

“I assure you, I’m not.”

“You’re totally pulling my leg.” He said, tone stunned.

“Nope. Completely serious.”

I walked to the fence, and jumped up to peer over it. Low and behold, there was Levi with all his stuff surrounding him.

“Hello, Eren.” He looked up at me.

“Hello, Levi?”

“Meet your new neighbor.” He said.

“Who?” I asked, confused.

“Me.”

* * *

 

_Oh my fucking God._

“You’re joking.” I said, eyes wide.

“That’s exactly what I said.”

“Do we live in some cliché rom-com movie or something?” I asked, seriously.

_I swear to God we live in some cheesy movie._

“It seems like it.” He said.

Levi was now my neighbour. Officially.

“So, does this mean I can come over whenever?” I asked, giving him a cheeky smile.

“That didn’t stop you before, even though we lived ten minutes away from each other.” He said, rolling his eyes.

“Well now I can come over on weekdays too.”

“You need to focus on school.” He scolded.

“Who needs school when I have the internet, food and you?” I laughed.

Hange walked up behind Levi.

“Levi’s right, Eren. This is your final of school. I can’t even keep an eye on you at school anymore.” She winked.

“Fine. I’ll at least attempt to apply myself.” I gave in.

“That’s a good boy.” She smiled.

“Yes, that’s a good left shark.” Levi teased.

I stuck my tongue out at him.

“Left shark?” Hange asked Levi.

“It’s a meme that Eren is obsessed with. He thinks he is the embodiment of left shark.”

“That’s because I am.” I said, beaming.

“Whatever floats your boat.” Hange laughed. “I’m going to start unpacking. Levi, you can either help me or help the Jaeger’s.”

Levi looked thoughtful for a moment.

“I’ll help you. You’ve done so much for me, it’s only fair I repay the favour.”

Hange chuckled.

“Wow Eren, what have you done to Levi? He’s done a complete 180 in attitude.” She smiled up at me. I was still on the fence, because I was cool like that.

“I wasn’t that bad before.” Levi grumbled.

“Levi, don’t even get me started. Those are stories reserved for your 21st.” She nudged him.

He scowled at her.

“Fine. What do you want help with?”

“I need the beds built. I bought you a bigger bed so Eren wouldn’t fall out the other side.” She fixed her glasses. She made it sound so…. Domestic.

_Oh my God._

“Thanks Hange.” I blushed.

She winked.

“No worries, Eren.”

Levi just shook his head.

“Let’s just hope it’s sturdier than the other one.” He said.

“Let’s hope there isn’t that much rough play on the bed this time.” She said under her breath. I still heard her, as did Levi.

“Eren only wishes.”

“Do not.” I tinged pink.

“Do so. Now come on, mom. I’m hungry.” He crossed his arms.

“We can go for Chinese after.”

_Chinese? Take me with you!_

“EREN. GET OFF THE FENCE BEFORE YOU BREAK IT.” My mother yelled from the house.

“I WAS ONLY TALKING TO LEVI. HE’S OUR NEW NEXT DOOR NEIGHBOUR.” I yelled back.

“I KNOW. NOW COME INSIDE. I NEED THE FURNATURE MOVED.”

_She knew?... pulled some strings... oh my God._

“COMING.” I jumped down from the fence, and Levi bid me farewell. Hange had already walked back inside, laughing.

_Wow. Is this really happening? I must be dreaming._

I pinched myself. I was still here.

_Nope. Totally not dreaming._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> God this story is so cliché, but I love it.  
> Hope you enjoyed a little fluff and humour.  
> Hooray for Hange, Carla and Grisha! 
> 
> (What would you like to see next? I love your feedback! xx)
> 
> Thank you for all your kind comments, they really are the highlight of my day. :) xx
> 
> See you next time! xx


	46. Pools and Banter.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A hot day calls for some cooling down.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! *confetti*
> 
> Many thanks to joannasama (your pool idea rocked) and BurningFireBird for the facts and pick-up lines. Also thanks to Ace of Spades for the National Donut Day fact. Levi approves.
> 
> Enjoy! xx

**_ EREN POV: THE NEXT DAY _ **

Fuck, it was hot.

It’s goddamn August, and the weather decided it would be a bitch.

I was laying on my bed with an icepack on my forehead, trying to keep cool.

It wasn’t working, and neither was the air conditioner.

“It’s hooooot.” I whined when my mother walked past my room, laundry in her hands.

“Eren, stop complaining. You aren’t going to melt.”

“Yes I am. I can feel myself wasting away.” I sighed.

“Stop whining and just get in the pool.”

_Oh yeah… we have a pool._

“Good idea.” I said.

She rolled her eyes.

“Might as well invite Levi over if he’s done unpacking.” She suggested.

_Oh yes. Let’s invite Levi over and see him shirtless._

I was yet to learn how to keep my tongue in my mouth, it seemed.

Groaning, I rolled over and reached for my phone on the nightstand.

_Hmm… let’s see…. Oh, he’s still known as Stumpy. Maybe I should change that…. Nah._

To Stumpy: **“It’s so hot. I’m going for a swim. Care to join me?”**

From Stumpy: **“I thought you’d never ask. My house doesn’t have a pool. I’m fucking melting.”**

To Stumpy: **“Then come over, although I'm worried about you getting a sunburn. How about I cover you with my body?”**

From Stumpy: **“Eren, try keep it in your speedo.”**

To Stumpy: **“How do you know I’m going to wearing a speedo? ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡ °)”**

From Stumpy: **“Eren, what the fuck kind of emoji is that? Jesus. Also, I hope to God you’ll be wearing something. I don’t want my mother to be blinded by your white ass.”**

To Stumpy: **“My ass is not white. I’m tanned as fuck. You’re the one who looks like a ghost.”**

From Stumpy: **“Whatever Casper. I’m melting. I’ll be over in a few.”**

_Casper? Who does he think he is?_

To Stumpy: **“Take your time, and put on some tanning lotion.”**

He didn’t respond after that.

_Score four for Jaeger._

Now I had to find my swimming trunks.

_Where did I put them...?_

* * *

 

Levi and Hange came over ten minutes later. They looked like they were about to pass out from heatstroke.

“Hange!” My mother called. “We have the air conditioner working! Come inside and I’ll make you a smoothie.”

“Thanks, Carla.” She smiled.

I raised an eyebrow.

_So they got to sit inside in the cool air, and Levi and myself had to stay outside in a pool?_

Whatever works, I guess.

At least now I can make all the innuendos I want without them hearing.

Hange walked into the house, and Levi moved over to stand next to me.

“I see you’re already in your swimmers.” I observed. He only had a towel on.

He nodded, and removed the towel around his waist—

_Holy fucking Jesus, he’s actually in a Speedo._

I attempted to keep my mouth closed.

“This is the only pair of Speedos I own, and I only used it for those school swimming events. They’re a little tight, actually.” He lamented.

“I…I…uh” My gaze stayed locked on the Speedo.

“Where are yours? I thought we were both going to wear Speedos.”

“I-I…couldn’t find them.” I said.

He put a hand on his hip, putting his weight to the right.

“Well I guess I’m the fool now.”

“N-No… I…I have a question.” I stuttered.

He raised an eyebrow.

“What is it?”

“How'd you manage to fit that great big thing into that tiny Speedo?” I looked up into his eyes.

He chuckled.

“With a lot of effort.”

_I don’t think I’m going to survive this._

“Looks like your mom’s asking the same question.” He said, looking at the house.

_Oh fuck no._

My head turned to see my mom staring intently at Levi. She caught my eye and blushed. Her head turned back to talk to Hange again.

_Jeez… and I thought I was bad._

“That’s okay though.” He said.

“Why?” I asked.

“Because all she can do is look, you’re the only one who gets to touch.”

_Fuck yes. Suck it, bitches._

I beamed.

“I’d hate to ruin the moment, but I’m roasting here. Can we please get into the pool now?” He asked.

“Oh! Yes, come on.” I grabbed his hand and walked to the pool edge.

“Let me test it first.” I dipped my toe into the water.

_Shit its cold._

“It’s really cold, I don’t think I can jump in.”

“Sure you can.” He said.

“No I--” I put my toe back in. It felt even colder than before.

I felt Levi’s hands on my back.

_Oh no._

“Levi, no!” I tried to move back.

“Levi, yes.” He said as he pushed me in.

I fell into the pool with a splash.

“Shit!” I screamed as I resurfaced. “Levi, you asshole!”

“Sorry, babe, did I make you all wet?” He laughed as he jumped in next to me.

When he resurfaced, he looked at me and rolled his eyes.

“It’s actually not that cold, Eren.”

“Yes it is. It’s not my fault your cold heart makes everything warm for you.” I huffed.

He snorted.

“Whatever, Princess. Try not to cry over the shrinkage.”

_How dare he?_

“I’ll have you know that I don’t suffer from shrinkage.” I said, nose in the air.

“Everyone suffers from shrinkage.”

I glanced down at his Speedo.

“It seems you don’t.” I said.

He rolled his eyes.

“Always so sex-obsessed, Eren.”

“Can you blame me, though? It’s been, what 3 weeks?” I asked.

“It’ll be even longer if you keep whining, you nerd.”

I swam closer to him, and whispered in his ear.

“Wanna join the 9-foot-deep-end-of-the-pool club?” I asked, huskily.

“No.”

“Why not?” I whined.

“There are adults present.”

“So, you’re saying that if there wasn’t, you would?” I asked.

He thought for a moment.

“Maybe.”

_Well, it’s not a no…_

I decided to take that as a yes.

“Did you know, although most species of shark are less than one metre long, there are some species such as the whale shark, which can be 14 metres long?” He asked. It seemed nothing could stop the onslaught of facts.

_Ah yes. Some shark facts. This is my forte._

"There is somewhere else that I'm long in.” I said, winking.

“Eren, get your mind out of the gutter.”

“What? I’m just telling you some shark facts.” I said, innocently.

“You’re left shark, not I-have-a-long-penis shark.”

I burst out laughing, and dunked myself under the water. It was too much to handle.

Resurfacing a second later, I turned to look at him.

“Wow, Levi… I… just… wow.”

“I have another shark fact if you’re interested? Just don’t turn it dirty.” He said, narrowing his eyes.

_I’m going to turn it dirty._

“Did you know, sharks do not have a single bone in their bodies? Instead they have a skeleton made up of cartilage; the same type of tough, flexible tissue that makes up human ears and noses.” He said.

“Oh really? Is that why I’m so flexible in bed?” I winked.

“Eren!”

“Levi!” I retorted.

He narrowed his eyes again.

“Orcas kill sharks by torpedoing up into the shark's stomach from underneath, causing the shark to explode. Is that how you want to meet your end?” He asked me, seriously.

My eyes widened.

_Holy shit._

I shook my head.

“That’s what I thought.” He said.

I pulled a tongue at him.

“On average, 12 newborns will be given to the wrong parents daily.” I said to him. I learnt that fact in Sex Ed.

“That’s what happened to you!” My mother called from inside the house. Both Levi and I looked behind us to see our mothers standing by the door.

“Mom, that’s so mean.” I pouted.

“As is what you’re saying to Levi.” She scolded.

Levi chuckled.

“He started it!” I cried, eyes wide.

Hange covered her mouth with her hand.

“I don’t care. He is your boyfriend. You aren’t going to keep him long if you keep treating like that.” My mother said.

Levi nodded his head, a smirk still on his lips.

“The same goes for you, Levi.” Hange called.

His smirk fell.

“That’s how we show affection.” He shot back.

Hange looked thoughtful.

“Makes sense. You’re both as bad as each other, though. So mean.” She giggled.

“Quick Hange, I need a fact to beat him at his own game.” I said.

“Eren, that’s cheating.” Levi scowled at me.

I ignored him.

“My time has come.” Said Hange, stepping through the door and walking over to us. “In 1386, a pig in France was executed by public hanging for the murder of a child.”

_Huh?_

“A pig?” I asked.

“Yes, a pig.” She said.

“So when he was trialed, he was bacon after they decided he was guilty.” I beamed. I was so good at puns.

“Eren that is the worst pun I’ve ever heard.” Levi face palmed.

“I thought it was pretty good.” Hange laughed.

“Thank you, Hange.” I smiled at her.

She winked.

“Donald Duck comics were banned from Finland because he doesn't wear any pants.” She said.

“Serves him right, that stupid Disney fucker.” I said.

“Eren! Language.” My mother scolded.

“Sorry.” I mumbled. “Did you know that June 7th is National donut day?” I turned to Levi.

His eyes widened.

“I did not. Can we celebrate it as a national holiday?” He asked.

“You and your donuts, I swear.”

“You and your pick-up lines, I swear.” He retorted.

“Touché.”

Both are mothers were pissing themselves at our banter.

* * *

 

After we had dried off, all of us had gone back inside.

“Eren, I think we need to get you a hobby.” My mother said.

“Like what? I already do track, plus there’s that big competition coming up.”

“Yes, but that’s only in December.” She took the towel from me.

“What were you thinking then?” I asked.

“Well, what do you want to do?” She asked back.

“You know, I’ve always wanted to be in a flash mob.”

“Then do that. Research where you can get involved, and go for it.” She smiled warmly.

“Can Levi do it too?” I asked.

“If he wants.”

“Do you want to, Levi?” I turned to him.

He shrugged.

“Sure.”

“It’s settled then. Flash mobs it is.” My mother said.

“I didn’t know you liked to dance.” Levi stated.

“It’s a secret hobby of mine, I’ve always wanted to be in a flash mob.”

“Then we’ll be in a flash mob. Just be warned, I can’t dance.” He said.

“As long as you’re with me, I don’t mind.”

I kissed his cheek.

Our mothers let out an “aww.”

“Eren, sorry to break up the moment, but you need to do the dishes.” My mother called.

_Fuck no._

Levi chuckled.

“Don’t worry, I’ll help you.”

_Fuck yes._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was almost smut, I'm not even kidding.  
> What would you guys like to see next? I'm always open for suggestions.  
> Hope you've all had a good day :) xx
> 
> See you next chapter! xx


	47. My Left Shark.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A little shopping and pool fun, plus a makeover.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey Guys! *confetti*
> 
> Many thanks to Papaya_Complex, Ace of Spades and BurningFireBird for the various facts and pick-up lines. xx
> 
> Enjoy! xx

**_ EREN POV: A few days later. _ **

Levi texted me a while back, asking me if I wanted to go shopping again. He said that he wanted some more jeans, since the waistbands of his old ones were all stretched out.

_Wasn’t me… yes it was._

I agreed. I wanted a pair of ripped jeans. They looked so cool.

Dad was at work, and mom was out with Hange. I was home alone it seemed, which gave me the perfect excuse to go out.

_Yay. Maybe we’ll stop for food and I won’t have to deal with another rude-ass server again._

Maybe we would stop for donuts. I bet Levi would praise the ground I walked on if I bought him a donut.

_I’m going to buy him a donut._

A thought crossed my mind: How big can you buy donuts? Because, like, if I bought Levi a really, really big donut, do you think he’d worship me?

_I think he would._

Opening my laptop, I googled donut sizes. I found something that I had to text Levi a fact I found. It was perfect.

To Stumpy: **“Did you know that the biggest doughnut ever made was 16 feet long and 16 inches tall?”**

From Stumpy: **“If I asked, would you go on a pilgrimage with me to find the Holy Grail of Donuts?”**

_Oh my God, what? He’s such a donut-obsessed nerd._

I would actually go with him, though. Believe it or not.

To Stumpy: **“Yes.”**

From Stumpy: **“Excellent. Now meet me out the front of the house. I want to go to the mall before it gets busy.”**

To Stumpy: **“Yes, sir.”**

My phone vibrated with his answer, but I didn’t glance down to read it. I picked up my backpack and walked to the front door, exiting and locking it behind me.

Levi was already standing on the driveway.

_Overeager bitches, man. I tell you._

“The mall is within walking distance. We’re going on foot.” He looked up at me.

I let out a sound that sounded like a dying Pterodactyl.

_Fuck. Why?_

* * *

 

“You can call me cake, because I'll go straight to your ass.” I said, munching on a pastry I picked up at a bakery along the way.

“Eren, stop.”

“Do you smoke pot? Because weed be cute together.” I winked.

“Eren, drugs are not a joking matter.”

“Do you need a stud in your life? Cause I got the STD and all I need is U.” I ran my hand through my hair.

“Eren, I’d rather not die prematurely of a preventable disease.”

“I'm hung like a tic tac. Wanna freshen your breath?” I asked.

“Did you just admit you have a tiny dick?”

_Wait. No. That backfired._

“No.” I grumbled.

“Yes, you did.”

“No I didn’t.” I scowled.

“Yes, you did.”

“Did you know that at some point you'll be the next person to die? Your time is coming up pretty soon.” I said, diverting the conversation.

“Eren, chill.” He said.

“Levi, no.”

He chuckled.

We arrived at the mall a few minutes later.

“We’re shopping for jeans, and nothing else. Okay?” He asked…. More like said sternly.

I nodded.

_Yeah right._

* * *

 

“Are your thighs full of secrets? Because you can wrap them around my ears and let me hear all of them.” I said, walking alongside him.

An old lady shot me a disapproving look.

I laughed internally.

_Chill, bruh._

Levi rolled his eyes.

“Charming.”

“I know right?” I asked, rhetorically.

“Did you know that the chances of you dying on the way to get a lottery ticket are actually higher that your chances and winning?” He said as we passed the lottery kiosk.

“Guess I'm lucky to be with you huh?”

“How do you go from being a sex-obsessed fuck, to a sappy motherfucker in less than a millisecond?” He asked, looking at me thoughtfully.

“It’s a talent.” I said.

He scoffed.

“Right.”

* * *

 

“Are we going to go to a special jean store?” I asked.

“God, I don’t know, Eren. Any place that sells jeans will do.”

“We should go to Hot Topic.” I suggested. I liked Hot Topic.

“I’m not looking for designer jeans. I’m just looking for jeans I can wear around the house that aren’t too big for me.” He said, scanning the stores.

“Perhaps we should just go to Target, then?” I suggested.

He nodded.

“Or Walmart.” I hoped he was joking.

I stifled a laugh.

_Good ol’ Walmart._

“Actually, yes. Let’s go to Walmart.” He said.

I groaned internally.

“Why Walmart? I have such bad experiences with Walmart.”

“Like what?” He asked.

“I can’t tell you.” I said, secretly.

“Why not?”

“Because it’s secret government information.” I said, looking around.

He rolled his eyes.

“Okay. Well, you’re far away from whatever Walmart you had a bad experience with, so you’ll be fine.” He said.

“I’ll only go in if you buy me some ice-cream.”

“…. Fine.” He agreed.

* * *

 

“Eren, the sweater you bought is far too small for you.”

“It’s not for me, it’s for you.” I said, digging it out the bag.

He smiled up at me.

“Why didn’t you say so? I would have bought you one too.”

“I wanted to buy something for you, since you’re always doing things for me.” I said, ears tinging pink.

He pulled me close and kissed me lightly.

“It’s a pleasure always doing things for you. You’re well worth it.”

I blushed.

“Thanks, Levi.”

“No worries, my left shark.” He chuckled.

* * *

 

We arrived home soon after leaving Walmart, shopping backs in hand.

“Eren, it’s so hot. Let’s go swimming again.” Levi said.

“You know what, that’s a good idea.”

We put our shopping bags down and stripped down to our underwear – no one was home, so it didn’t matter.

“Race you in.” Levi said as he made a move for the pool.

I refused to be beaten. I speed-walked (never run around the pool, kiddies), and unfortunately, Levi had beaten me to the pool.

He came up a second later, hair plastered to his forehead.

 _Fuck, he’s hot_.

He looked at me and smiled.

“I win.”

* * *

 

**_ LEVI POV: _ **

“Yo, Levi, look what I can do!”

I smiled, knowing Eren hadn’t noticed I never took my eyes off of him. Acting like a dork, as per usual, while I simply sat down, emerging myself in the cool water up to my neck, relaxing.

“I can stand on my hands!”

I snorted, bubbles coming up in the water from the exhale of air from my nose. Eren’s calves and legs sticking up from the water as he did a handstand, the water holding him up.

_Such a dork._

Cute dork.

_Fuck, who am I kidding? Hot as all hell dork._

“Hey, come over here.” I nodded my head towards him, smiling when Eren rose his head from the water, flapping his hair like a dog and spitting some water out of his mouth.

Eren nodded, a smile on his face as he swam over.

“Wuddup?” He winked at me, straddling my hips without a second thought.

I looked up at him, the sun already darkening his skin a deeper shade of tan, and I found myself smiling.

I wrapped my arms around Eren’s back, hand trailing up his spine, feeling the way he curved around my touch, the way he reacted to the dance of my fingers.

The way Eren pressed his forehead against mine, looking into my eyes, telling me he knew where this would more than likely lead.

There was nothing sexier than that.

But I kissed him first, pressing my lips against Eren’s, gently. I was crazy about Eren. I had watched him for years; Hell, I fucking loved the dork - and Eren was a dork. A goddamn dork that I adored. I couldn’t deny that we were both teenagers, and sex was more hormonal than anything else.

Shit, I hardly remember the first time. Alcohol will do that.

The second? That had been … awkward.

Third time? Better.

Fourth? Finally found Eren’s prostate. That was a plus.

I had actually stopped at the scream that Eren let out, thinking I’d fucking killed him.

My hands moved of their own volition, just wanting to feel him. I leant into the feel of his hands as they ran through my wet hair, brushing it out of my eyes and sighing as those fingers moved, caressing my cheek and jaw line.

“Are you a beaver? Cause dam.”

I laughed. Hard. Actually throwing my head back with unrestrained mirth.

“That … I’m just … come here, would you, my left shark?”

I kissed him again, the two of us already close, but somehow not close enough. I licked the outline of his lips, opening them with my tongue as I leaned closer, gaining entrance to the inside of his mouth. I couldn’t stop the groan that rumbled in the back of my throat, his hands moving, fingers teasing the hem of Eren’s swim trunks, slowly going farther until he held him at the bottom of his ass.

“Look at us, Levi.” He broke the kiss. “Being typical hormonal teenagers.”

“Shut up and kiss me, Eren.” I growled, pulling his face back to mine.

He tasted like cinnamon… I loved cinnamon.

I broke the kiss a few minutes later and began biting the side of his neck, marking him and declaring him as mine. He groaned as the marks began to redden.

“D-didn’t know you liked to mark people.”

“I don’t normally, but this way people will know that you’re mine, and no one else’s.” I said.

His eyes closed as he nodded, breathing deepening.

I moved down his body to his collarbone, running my tongue over the curve. I bit it occasionally, adding to his already plentiful marks. He let out the odd groan as I did so.

“L-Levi”

“Shh. Let me take care of you.” I silenced him with my mouth.

* * *

  _ **EREN POV:**_

“Levi, I want you to give me a makeover.” I turned to him after we had dried off.

“Huh?”

“Like, do me up like you. With the eyeliner and gel etc.” I said.

“Eren, is this your way of mocking me?”

“No, actually. I want to see what I look like as a punk.” I smiled.

“Can’t you just use an app on your phone?” He asked.

“I could, but where’s the fun in that?”

He sighed.

“Fine.”

I beamed.

“Let’s go inside then.” I said.

I took his hand and ran into the house, pulling him into the bathroom.

“Where are you going to get the make-up, you overeager fuck?” Levi laughed.

“I’ll steal some of mom’s.”

“You’re joking.” He deadpanned.

“Does it look like I’m joking?”

He scanned my face.

“No. Fine. Go get the eyeliner and I’ll grab some gel from the shelf.”

I nodded and ran to my parent’s bathroom.

“Now… If I were an eyeliner pencil, where would I be?” I asked, rhetorically.

Scanning the counter, I couldn’t see it.

_Hmm…_

I found it in her make-up bag.

I picked up the pencil and ran back to my bathroom, finding Levi leaning against the wall.

“Sit.” He commanded.

I sat on the edge of the bath.

“Hold still.”

I didn’t move as he came closer, the pencil looming ominously. He knelt down and gently took my face into his hand, drawing the line over my top eyelid, then the bottom. He did the same with the other eye.

His touch was so gentle.

We remained in silence as he smeared it, his warm breath fanning over my face. It smelt like peppermint, like always.

_Peppermint is now my favourite smell._

He removed his hand from my chin.

“Okay, Eren. All done. Would you like me to gel your hair now?” He said, softly.

I nodded.

“Okay, hold still. This might be a little cold, actually.”

“Bring it on.” I mumbled.

He chuckled.

Squirting some gel from the bottle, he rubbed it between his hands and spread it sparingly through my hair. He was right. It was a little cold.

We reverted back to silence.

“All done.” He said, removing his hands from my hair.

I stood up and looked into the bathroom mirror.

“I look pretty hot.” I said, tilted my head to get a better look.

“I agree.” He winked.

“Are you ready for round two?” I teased, moving closer to him.

“Slow down, Eren.”

I pouted.

“Maybe later.” He supplied.

I perked up.

“For now, you wanna play a little bit of Mario?” He asked.

“Yes.”

“Come on, then.” He smiled.

I moved past him and we walked down to the games room.

“I want to be Mario, though.” I said.

“Oh Hell no. I’m Mario.”

“Nope. You’re Luigi.” I laughed.

“Eren, I’m Mario.”

“No, you’re Luigi.” I winked.

“I will fight you.” He growled.

“Bring it, bro.”

He narrowed his eyes.

“You’re such a fuck, Eren.” He launched himself forward, tackling me to the ground.

“Oh shit—Levi have mercy!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope I filled in everyone's criteria for this chapter :) Sorry there wasn't any actual smut. I'm just a little worried that it wont live up to your expectations, so I'm putting it off until absolutely necessary. You will get it, I promise.  
> Sorry again :/ I will make it up to you.
> 
> (https://41.media.tumblr.com/95b396f56a1d95685f0b2a8b1bf0acba/tumblr_nhzu8aN0G41tlxdhjo1_500.png) Is what I imagined Eren to look like after his little makeover.
> 
> See you next chapter! (This one will have smut 100%)


	48. Games Night.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eren and Levi have a games night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey Guys!  
> You asked, and I delivered. I hope you like it :)
> 
> Many thanks to SupaKawaiiDesu, ILoveAnime, Ace of Spades, XxDarkAngelxX and BeautifulTendencies for the pick-up lines and facts. You rock!
> 
> Enjoy! x

**_ EREN POV: A FEW WEEKS LATER _ **

“Mom, I’m bored.”

“Hi bored, I’m mom.” She replied.

“Please don’t pull dad jokes on me, I’m not in the mood.” I sighed.

“Invite Levi over. He’s been busy these past few weeks, and he deserves a little bit of fun.”

“And what are you going to do?” I asked her.

“Both your father and I are going out for dinner. It’s our 20th anniversary.”

_Oh yeah._

“Happy Anniversary.” I smiled.

“Thank you, Eren.” She returned the smile.

I grinned.

“When are going out?”

“Later tonight.” She said.

“And what should I do with Levi?” I asked.

“Have a games night, those are always fun.” She suggested.

_Good idea._

I nodded and walked to my room to pick up my phone and text Levi.

To Stumpy: **“I know you’ve been busy, but are you up for a games night? I’ll provide food and stuff.”**

He replied a few minutes later.

From Stumpy: **“I’m interested regardless, but can I have some donuts?”**

I rolled my eyes.

To Stumpy: **“Yes, you can have donuts.”**

From Stumpy: **“Excellent. What time do you want me to come over?”**

I walked out of my room to ask mom when she would be going out. She replied that the both of them would be leaving at 7.

To Stumpy: **“You can come at around 6:55pm.”**

He sent me an okay.

_What kind of games do you even play at a games night anyway?_

* * *

 

**_ 6:52pm: _ **

Levi knocked on the door – early as always.

My parents greeted him as he was let in, and I walked over to hug him.

“Heya, Levi.” I said.

“Hey, Eren.” He replied.

“Come with me, I have donuts.”

He perked up instantly and moved rather quickly to the kitchen.

My parents laughed as they kissed me goodbye. It seemed they were leaving early.

“Bye!” I waved them off.

As soon as the door shut, I turned to Levi.

“Alright, my donut-munching fuck. What game do you want to play first?” I asked.

“I’m not a donut-munching fuck.” He said around a mouthful of donut.

_Oh, totally._

I rolled my eyes and walked towards him, picking up a donut and putting it in my mouth.

“We can play Never Have I Ever.” I suggested after I had finished my donut.

“I’m up for that. I doubt there’s much that you have done, though.”

“You’d be surprised.” I said, cryptically.

We walked to the living room and sat down cross-legged on the carpet.

“Do you want to go first, or should I?” He asked.

“You can go first.”

“Hmmm.” He thought for a moment. “Never have I ever been told to tone down the "dirty dancing."

I pouted and put down one of my five fingers.

“I need context for that one.” He laughed.

“Well… uh… I was getting into a little bit of Nicki – you know me, and mom didn’t approve of my “slutty dancing.””

“You slut-dropped, didn’t you.” He said. It wasn’t a question.

“Yeah.”

He chuckled.

“Typical Eren.”

I pulled a tongue and took my turn.

“Never have I ever gone to Jail.” I said.

He put down a finger.

“Oh my God, Levi.”

“I didn’t kill anyone, don’t worry.” He assured me.

“What did you do then?”

“I got into a fight with an ex-friend, and as a result, I was sent to Juvie for a few hours.” He smiled at the memory.

I stared at him, gobsmacked.

“It was like, 4 years ago, Eren.”

_Doesn’t make it any less shocking… or awesome._

“Your turn.” I said.

“Never have I ever shoplifted.”

I put down a finger.

“Eren!” His jaw was dropped.

“It was accidental!”

“How do you accidently shoplift?” He asked, sarcastically.

“A coat hanger caught on the back of my shirt and I walked out without realising.”

He struggled to keep his laughter in.

“Did the mall security believe you?” He asked.

“No.”

He let a restrained chuckle out.

“Your turn.” He said.

“Never have I ever pushed someone out a window.”

He put down a finger.

“Explain?” I asked.

“It was school and I didn’t want to be there – neither did my friend.”

“Right…”

“We were stupid.” He said.

“Clearly.” I teased.

He scowled.

“Never have I ever hidden a porno under my bed.” He said.

I put down a finger.

“Eren!”

“What? I’m a teenage male.” I said, in a ‘duh’ tone of voice.

“And did your mother find it?” He asked.

“…yes.”

“Oh my God.” He laughed.

“It was when I was like, 12.”

“That’s even worse!” He laughed harder.

“Whatever. Never have I ever gotten my braces locked together kissing someone.”

He put down a finger.

“Did it hurt?” I asked.

“Yes, I just got them tightened.”

“Then you shouldn’t have been kissing them.” I scolded him, playfully.

“It was a YOLO moment.”

“You regret it, though?” I asked. I knew he did.

“Very much so.”

I laughed silently.

“Never have I ever put someone's hand in warm water to see if it would make them pee.” He said.

I put down a finger.

“Armin?” He asked.

“Yeah.”

“Poor Armin.”

“It was hilarious, though.” I said, laughing at the memory.

“I guess it would have been at the time.”

I grinned.

“Never have I ever taken a shower with someone and wished I had a step stool because of height differences.” I said, winking.

“Eren, that’s not funny.”

“Yes, it is.” I laughed.

“No, it’s not.”

I winked at him.

“Come on, Levi. You have to admit it is.”

“Nope. Not playing this game anymore as a result of your poor taste in jokes.” He turned his nose up at me.

“I only had one finger left!”

“I know. I guess we’ll never see who wins.” He said.

“You’re so mean to me.”

“Says he who just asked me if I used a stool to shower with someone.” He looked back down at me.

“Well, have you?” I asked.

“No!”

“Well, allow me to be your first.” I winked at him.

“Eren, we literally had sex a few weeks ago.”

“That’s it, though! A few weeks ago isn’t enough to satisfy my shark hunger.” I said, seriously.

“If that was meant to turn me on, it didn’t work.”

“Well, it was worth a shot.” I winked.

“Eh, I give it a 6.”

“What if I started telling you pick-up lines? Would that increase my chances?” I asked.

“It depends on what you supply me with.”

“Hmm… let’s see.” I thought for a moment.

He waited patiently.

I looked around the room.

“Where is your boyfriend?” I asked.

I looked down at myself.

“Oh wait! I'm right here!”

He scoffed.

“That was okay.” He said.

“Was your mom a boxer? Because you're a knockout.”

“She was a preschool teacher, but continue.” He corrected.

“I hope you don't have tetanus cause tonight you’re gonna nail me.”

He chuckled at that.

“That was pretty good, actually.” He admitted.

I licked my finger and leant forward to wipe it on his shirt. He recoiled slightly.

“Let's get you out of these wet clothes.”

“That was terrible.” He deadpanned.

“I’m trying!”

“Would you like me to join in, but with facts?” He asked.

“Yes, I want to see what you can do.”

“When twister was first introduced in 1966, it was denounced by critics as sex in a box.” He told me.

“…. Wanna play Twister?”

“Later.” He said.

I pouted.

“Sharks are so powerful that their bite can generate a force of up to 6 tons per square inch.”

I made a show of opening my mouth and then biting down, wiggling my eyebrows.

He kept a stoic face.

“Sharks are immune to cancer.” He said.

“Good. I won’t be able to die prematurely, and will be able to spend more time with you.”

“Sharks can live up to 100 years.” He scratched his arm.

“Fuck, that’s old. Who wants a wrinkly old shark?” I asked.

“Did you know that Jägermeister was originally intended to be a cough medicine?” He said.

“Oh cool. You can still put me in your mouth and swallow me, regardless.” I winked.

He shook his head.

“Oh wow, Eren.”

I beamed.

“Did you know that the glazed doughnut is almost 3 times as popular as any other type of doughnut?” I asked him.

“Wonder why.”

I shrugged.

“Did you know that the Great White Shark is the only shark which is able to lift its head above the surface of the water and look for prey?” He asked.

I stretched my neck and surveyed the room.

“Looking for tha pussy.”

“Well you’re not going to find any here.” He said.

I rolled my eyes.

“No shit.”

“Did you know that if you hold a shark, and pull it backwards, it will drown within minutes?” He asked.

My eyes widened.

“Please don’t drown me.”

“I will in a minute if you don’t lay off the sexual innuendos.” He glared.

My head nodded, and I gulped.

“Semen contains zinc and calcium, both of which are proven to prevent tooth decay.” He said.

I stopped myself from retorting, but Levi could see me struggling to keep it in.

He sighed.

“Go on. Say it.”

“Then I guess I won’t have to go to the dentist for a while.” I winked.

He scoffed.

“That was pretty clever, I admit.”

“I was going to say a joke about sodium but, Na.” I said

“Was that a science joke?” He asked.

“It was a science joke.”

* * *

We decided to make pancakes a little while later, because why not?

The only problem was that we didn’t make it far enough for the pancakes to be cooked. I threw flour all over him and he reciprocated.

It was messy.

“Come on, let’s go take a shower.” He said, taking my hand.

_I’m feeling like something’s going to happen._

I followed him to the bathroom, and we stripped down, walking into the shower.

“Do you want me to fetch you a stool or something?” I teased.

He pushed me into the shower wall, and I let out an “oof.” I felt him move to be flush against me. His body was warm and I could feel every muscle ripple as he moved slightly.

“So, tell me, Eren.” He purred into my ear. “Does it look like I need a stool now?” I felt a sharp pain against my ass, and my brain registered that he had just slapped it – hard.

I let out a groan as the pain subsided into a tingling sensation, the feeling arousing me even more than before. My cock was pressed up against the cool glass, and I was aware of it becoming increasingly harder as Levi repeated the action.

“I asked you a question, and I would like an answer.”

_Ugh God._

“No.” I whispered, breath fogging up the glass.

He slapped my ass again.

“I can’t hear you.”

“N-No.” I repeated, louder than before.

“Then why tease me about it?”

“I was being an asshole and I won’t do it again.” I said, breathing hard.

“Oh no, Eren. That’s not what I want. I want you to keep being an asshole – to keep being a dorky douchebag.”

I nodded. The pain had subsided, leaving me hard and needy.

“Please, Levi.” I breathed.

“Please what?”

“Please do something about this.” I removed one hand from the shower wall to gesture to my cock.

I felt his chuckle vibrate in his chest.

“Tell me what you’d like me to do.” He said.

“I want to be the top this time.” I surprised myself with that one.

“Do you just?” He asked. I heard the surprise in his voice.

I nodded.

“I’m up for that. What would you like me to do?”

“Get on your knees.” I told him.

I felt his weight shift off me and I turned around to face him. He was already on his knees. His hand reached out to grasp my length, and he began lightly stroking it, sparks of pleasure shooting up my body. I closed my eyes and sighed. He’d never done this for me before.

It was nice.

Then he lowered his mouth onto me.

My eyes flickered open and I let out a gasp – the sensation entirely new to me. I watched him move up and down on me, his eyes never leaving mine. My hand tangled into his hair, guiding him. Occasionally he’d move down a little too far and choke, letting out a soft gagging sound.

The sound was extremely arousing.

He increased speed as I whispered encouragement, the sparks of pleasure turning into a nearly constant feeling. It drove me wild.

I could feel myself getting closer, and I warned Levi to the fact – but he just kept going. I tried to pull him off gently, but the sudden rush of ecstasy overwhelmed my senses as I came.

I let out a garbled version of his name, and he kept his mouth on me, catching everything I produced.

After I was done, breathing hard, he removed his mouth from my still-hard cock. I watched him smile and lick his lips. It sent shivers down my spine.

“L-Levi.” I said, panting.

He just smiled widely at me, lips swollen and pink.

“Now what?” He asked.

I opened the shower door and walked to the cupboard under the sink, retrieving a small bottle. I turned back to Levi and saw him raise an eyebrow.

“For your mother being so conservative, she sure likes keeping you prepared.”

“This was before I got a boyfriend.” I said.

He nodded.

“Makes sense.”

Walking back to the shower, I opened the door and stepped inside.

“Hands on the glass.” I ordered.

He did as I asked.

“Spread your legs.” I said.

He did.

We were out of the way of the constant stream of water, so I knew the lube wouldn’t wash away.

_That’s good. Don’t want him in pain or anything._

I opened the bottle, squeezing a generous amount onto my fingers (perhaps a little too much, but oh well.”

“Come on, Eren. I’m waiting.” He chuckled.

“Levi, shut up.”

He chuckled.

Putting the bottle down, I moved my fingers to slowly coat the edge of his entrance in lube.

“This might hurt a bit.” I said.

“No shit.”

I scowled, but he couldn’t see.

Slowly pushing a finger in, I watched his reaction to see if I was causing him any pain. His breathing hitched slightly, and I was met with some resistance, but for the most part he was okay. I moved my finger back and forth, allowing him to become accustomed to the feeling. His head rested against the shower wall, fogging it up.

“How are you doing?” I asked, concerned.

“Okay, actually. You can add another when you’re ready.”

“The question is not if I’m ready, it’s if you’re ready.” I said.

“I am ready.”

I nodded, taking a deep breath.

_God, what if I hurt him or do this wrong?_

I added a second finger gingerly, watching him intently. He groaned.

“Shit, that’s different.” He shuddered.

I laughed despite the situation.

“You’re telling me.”

“You can move them now.” He said.

I did ask he told and moved my fingers in a soft, but determined movement.

His breathing deepened.

“Yes, Eren.” He breathed.

_He’s taking fingers much better than I did the first time. That’s not fair._

I increased the speed of the movement, and watched as he began moving against my fingers, sending them in deeper.

He began moaning slightly.

“Fuck, what have I been missing?” He asked, rhetorically.

My eyebrow twitched. It wasn’t fair that he was taking it much better than I did.

I moved my fingers even quicker, and as a result, his moaning became more frequent and louder.

_God, that’s hot._

“Eren… gonna…”

_Oh no you’re not._

I removed my fingers, and he whined the loss of intrusion.

“What was that for?” He asked, scowling at me.

“I want to see you come undone around me.”

Understanding flickered in his face.

“Do you think you can do it? You’ve never actually done this before.” He said, teasing.

“In theory, but if I do something wrong, just tell me.”

He nodded and turned back around to bend over.

“Hurry up then.” He whined.

_Impatient fuck._

I squeezed more lube onto my hand, transferring it to my cock – making sure there was an ample amount. He was tiny, after all.

“Ready?” I asked.

“Yes.”

“Okay.” I nodded.

I moved forward, nudging myself gently into the entrance. His breathing became shallow.

“You’re bigger than I thought.” He observed.

_Fuck yes._

“Thank you. Are you okay? Do you want me to stop?” I asked.

“I’m okay, you can move in slowly.”

My movement wasn’t slow enough, as Levi called out for me to stop.

“I said slowly, not like The Flash.”

“Sorry.” I was blushing.

“Well, you’re halfway in already, move in slowly now. Slowly.”

I did as he told.

“Okay okay, no. Ouch. Give me a minute.” He said.

I bit my lip, worried I had done something wrong. I wasn’t sure if I saw tears in his eyes, or if it was just the steam.

He left out a shaky breath.

“You can move now.”

I moved gingerly, making sure I wouldn’t hurt him like I did before. He moaned slightly as the pain subsided (I assumed). Eventually he was moaning regularly, so I asked him if I should increase the pace. He nodded, so I did.

There was no more pain, it seemed, as he showed no signs of discomfort.

“Faster.” He ordered.

I moved faster.

This carried on for a while, the only sounds filling the bathroom was his moaning and my heavy breathing – plus the encouragement we were giving each other.

“Eren…” I felt him tighten slightly. “I’m gonna…”

I kissed his neck.

“Do it.” I whispered into his ear.

He came hard, groaning out my name.

“There we go, Levi.” I cooed. “You did so well.”

He let out a breathy chuckle.

“Thanks.”

I held him in my arms, too scared that if I let go, he’d disappear.

“That was… much more different than I imagined.” He said.

“Is that a good thing, though?”

“A very good thing.” He smiled.

I kissed him softly.

“I love you.” He said.

“I love you, too.” I replied, butterflies in my stomach.

The atmosphere was perfect, I didn’t want it to end.

“Eren?” My mother called. “We’re home.”

_Oh shit._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Take Me To Church plays in backround.* Hope you enjoyed that. I had fun writing it haha.  
> Thank you for all your kind comments, they really do make my day.  
> Anything else you'd like to see? Tell me!
> 
> Until next update (which will be later today)  
> See ya! x


	49. Just Two Dorks.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Woah. Guys I'm so sorry for not updating sooner. I was so busy with school and everything.  
> But don't worry. I've kicked my butt into gear, and I've written a chapter!
> 
> Many thanks to SupaKawaiiDesu, joannasama, XxDarkAngelxX and EreriOBSESSED for the various jokes, lines and facts used. You rock! xx

**_ EREN POV: _ **

“Uh... hi mom!” I called.

“What are you two doing?” She called back.

“Nothing… uh… LEVI’S JUST IN THE BATHROOM AND HE NEEDED A TOILET ROLL.” I completely bullshitted that.

“Oh.” She called, and her voice quietened. She had gone downstairs.

I let out a sigh of relief.

“Nice. Chucking me into it.” Levi hissed from behind me.

“I had to. It was either that, or she comes up and finds us naked.”

“I wouldn’t mind.” He said.

“Of course you wouldn’t, you fucking exhibitionist.” I rolled my eyes.

“I’m not an exhibitionist.”

“You just said…” I trailed off.

“I was making a joke.”

_Oh._

“Sometimes I can’t tell with you. Your face remains so stoic all the time.” I sighed.

“It’s how I get people to trust me, and when they do, I move in for the kill.” He said, seriously.

“How? By ripping out their hearts or something?” I asked.

“Something along those lines.”

_Sick, bro._

“I wish I was your coronary artery so I that can be wrapped around your heart.” I said.

“Eren, now is not the time. We need to get dressed.”

“Good point.” I nodded.

We quickly put our clothes back on, and exited the bathroom. Once we were certain there was no one around, we walked to the kitchen. My mom and dad were standing by the kitchen counter.

“Hey boys, how was your night?” My mother asked.

“It was good.” I said.

“Get up to much?”

“No, just a few games here and there.” I ran a hand through my hair.

“Who won in the end?”

“I did.” Levi piped up.

I elbowed him inconspicuously. He let out a grunt.

“Well done, Levi.” My mother smiled.

“Thank you.” He smiled.

“Well, you better be heading back then, Levi.” I hinted.

“I suppose I should. See you soon, Eren.” He kissed my cheek.

_He’s so two-faced. It’s so funny to watch._

“Bye Levi.” We all said.

He exited the house a few moments later.

“You’re such a bad liar, Eren.” My mother said.

“Huh?”

“I can see you when you’re with him. You act so cool and collected, but in truth you’re madly in love with him.” She observed.

_She’s… probably right._

“How do you know?” I asked.

“The way you light up when he’s around, the way you act towards him, your body language. I’ve seen it before, Eren.”

“With who?” I was confused.

“Me.” She looked into my dad’s eyes.

“Ew.” I gagged.

“Eren Jaeger, don’t you even start.”

I chuckled.

“I know. I’m so happy for you both. 20 years is a long, long, long, long, long--” She cut me off.

“Eren, shut up.”

“Yes, mom.” I shut my mouth.

She rolled her eyes.

“Just… never let him go. He’s so good for you, it’s not even funny.”

“How? By encouraging me to do rebel-like things?” I indicated to my ear.

“You’re young. Having fun is a part of growing up.” She said.

“You sound like Hange.”

“I think she’s rubbing off on me.” My mother sighed, smiling ruefully.

I nodded my head viciously.

She flicked my ear.

“Go to bed, you cheeky shit.” She laughed.

“MOM.” I said, shocked.

“What?”

“You just swore.” I said.

“I did?” She asked.

“Yes.”

“It seems like Hange is rubbing off on me more than I thought.” She thought out loud.

I rolled my eyes.

“Go to bed, Eren. You have school tomorrow.” She said.

_Ugh. School._

Walking to my bed, I stripped off my clothes (it was hot, okay?) and lay back, thinking about everything that was being said.

My mother was right. I did love him. So very much. I loved him to the point that it hurt. I loved every little quirk he had, every little twitch of his eyebrows, every sassy comment.

I loved it all.

Better yet, I loved him.

I hope he knows just how much.

* * *

 

**_ EREN POV: 6 Months Later. _ **

“Eren, get off the fucking couch.” Levi hissed.

“No.”

“Eren.”

“Don’t ‘Eren’ me. It’s my couch.” I chuckled.

“It’s not your couch, it’s my couch.”

“It’s our couch, then.” I compromised.

“Get off the couch.” He ordered.

“No.”

“I swear to God I will sit on you.” He threatened.

“Why don’t you sit on my lap and we'll talk about the first thing that pops up.” I winked.

“Eren, this is not a joking matter. I want my couch back.” His eyebrow twitched.

“Are you an Avox, because you leave me speechless.” I stuck out my tongue.

“Now is not the time for Hunger Games.” He said.

“It’s always time for Hunger Games.”

“Not since you went to Starbucks, and when they called out your name, you shouted “I volunteer as tribute.” You got us kicked out.” He pointed out.

“It was worth it.” I smiled at the memory.

“Just get off my couch.”

“Are you an interior decorator? Because when I saw you, the entire room became beautiful.” I wiggled my eyebrows.

“Stop trying to sidetrack me with pick-up lines. It’s not going to work.”

_It was worth a shot._

“What do I get if I get off the couch?” I asked.

“You’re 18 goddamn years old, Eren. You’ve graduated high school and you’re going to college. Why are you playing such childish games?” He sighed.

“Because I love fucking with you.”

“I’ll fuck with you if you get off the couch.” He tried to bribe me.

“Tempting, but no.”

“Why can’t you be as sex-obsessed as you were last year? This would be so much easier.” He growled.

_I still am, I’m just better at hiding it._

“What about some shark facts?” He offered.

I raised an eyebrow.

“A shark finds fish by hearing the beating of their hearts.” He said.

I nodded my head.

“That’s how I find you at night when I want to spoon you.”

“Eren get off the couch.” He hissed.

“Nope.”

“What is a shark’s favorite kind of sandwich? Peanut butter and jellyfish.” He made a joke.

I snorted.

“Good one, but lame.”

“How did the crazy shark become normal again? Electro shark therapy.” He tried another one.

My eyes widened.

“Oh my God.”

“Will you get off now?” He asked.

“No.”

“What about for ice-cream?” He tried.

I sat upright.

“Ice-cream?” I asked, suspiciously.

“Yes, cookies n’ cream.” He said.

I hummed.

“Okay.” I agreed.

He let out a breath and a ‘thank Jesus.’

“Only if you carry me.” I winked.

“Eren.” He said.

“Yes, Levi?”

“I’m 5’3. I don’t that’s possible.” His face was a mask of neutrality.

“Then I’ll have to carry **you**.” I said.

“Huh?”

I got off the couch and walked over to him, scooping him up and slinging him over my shoulder.

“Eren, put me down.” His voice raised an octave.

“No.” I began walking out the door.

“Eren, I swear to God.” He threatened.

“Swear to him, but I don’t think he’ll hear you.” I said.

“It’s really high up here.” He whispered.

I couldn’t help but to let out a bark of laughter.

“You sexy midget.”

“You fuck.” He hissed.

My chest vibrated with laughter.

“I’m only 6’, Levi.” I said. It was true. Puberty did me good.

“THAT’S 9 INCHES TALLER THAN ME.” He yelled, wriggling around. He was still his little 5’3 self.

_Poor Stumpy._

“You better hold on, then.” I said.

“Why do I put up with this?” He asked rhetorically.

_He’s such a drama queen._

“Because you love me.” I said.

I felt him chuckle.

“That I do.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A time skip to 18yr old Eren and 19yr old Levi.  
> Aren't they just the dorkiest? I think they've gotten worse as time as gotten on. Such dorks.
> 
> Thank you all for reading and leaving comments! You're all so amazing! xx :)
> 
> Until next time! xx


	50. Snapshots.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A recount of Eren and Levi's 5 years together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! *confetti*  
> Hope you enjoy the chapter.
> 
> Many thanks to XxDarkAngelxX, joannasama, Ace of Spades and everyone else that's ever commented for the pick-up lines and facts. I love you all so much! xx

**__ **

**_ EREN POV: 6 Months Later: _ **

Today was Levi and mine’s first year anniversary.

We decided to go hiking.

“Eren, I’m going to fall over. This is way too hard. Can we go back home?” Levi whined.

“You may fall from the sky, you may fall from a tree, but the best way to fall... is in love with me.” I said.

“Eren, now is not the time.”

“Now is always the time.” I laughed.

“I’m tired.”

“Levi, we only have 5 more miles to go.” I told him.

“That’s 5 more miles too many.”

_Normally I’d agree with him, but today I’m so pumped full of adrenaline._

“Come on, Levi. When we get home, I’ll make you a donut.” I bribed.

He perked up.

“I will walk 5 miles for a donut.”

“That reminds me of a song.” I said.

“What song?”

“The 500 mile song. I’ll alter it for you.” I winked.

“Oh God...”

“For I would walk 5 treacherous miles, and I would walk 5 extra more, just to be the guy who walks a 10 stupid miles to fall down at your door (for a donut.)” I sang in a Scottish accent.

“Eren. Oh my God.”

“What?” I laughed.

“That… was perfect.”

I beamed.

“You even got the Scottish accent right.” He sounded astonished.

“Thank you.” I winked.

Thunder clapped in the sky.

“Oh fuck no.” He hissed at the sky.

“Ugh why does it have to rain on our anniversary?” I asked.

“Because Mother Nature hates us.”

“But why?” I whined.

“Probably because you offended her.” He sighed.

“How?”

“With that bee vomit fiasco.” He turned to me.

“In my defense, that old man deserved it.” I said.

“You knocked the bottle out of his hands.”

“I was saving him from the horrors of bee vomit.” Duh.

“I worry about you sometimes, Eren.” He chuckled.

“Worry about me later. We need to head back before we catch pneumonia or some shit from the rain.” I said.

“Oh a fancy word.”

“Shut up, Levi. No donuts for you.” I scowled playfully.

“Aw.” He pouted.

_Okay… maybe donuts for you._

I grabbed his hand.

“Come on. I’ll get us some coffee if we make it out in once piece.”

“That sounds like a plan.” He smiled.

_Coffee fixes everything._

* * *

 

**_ EREN POV: One Year Later: _ **

Today was mine and Levi’s second year anniversary.

We decided to go to the art gallery.

I tried to not touch the masterpieces, but Levi was just too tempting.

Too bad he told me to stop touching him, or I wouldn’t be getting any ice-cream.

“Eren, come look at this painting.” He said.

“It looks like my aunt Gertrude.” I looked at it closely.

“Eren.”

“Yes?” I asked.

“It’s a painting of Jesus and the donkey.”

“My point exactly.” I chuckled.

“So your aunt looks like Jesus, or the donkey?” He asked me.

“The donkey, obviously. If she looked like Jesus, I’d be nice to her to secure a place in heaven.”

“You can’t go to heaven, you’re going to Hell.” He rolled his eyes.

“There’s a special place in Hell for me.”

“Yeah, I know. The throne.” He said.

“Exactly.”

He shook his head.

“Do you want a photo with the Jesus donkey?” He asked.

“Yes please.”

Levi pulled out his phone, and I stood next to the painting. He took the picture.

“Excuse me, sir. No flash photography.” The curator said.

“I don’t actually have a flash on my phone, the light you saw actually came from this person’s personality.” He gestured to me.

I blushed.

The gallery curator rolled their eyes.

“No flash photography.” They walked away.

“God, they sound like Mr. Herring. Do you remember Mr. Herring?” I asked.

“I do.”

“He was a bitch.” I said.

“A huge one.”

“He was just jealous because he couldn’t get any.” I laughed lightly.

“Probably.” He smiled up at me.

“God, how long ago since we saw him?” I asked.

“It must be about 2 or so years now.”

“Feels like yesterday we were running away from the detention building.” I reminisced.

He chuckled.

“Good times.” I said.

I linked arms with Levi.

“Indeed.”

* * *

 

**_ EREN POV: One Year Later: _ **

Today was mine and Levi’s third year anniversary.

We decided to just have a movie night.

“What do you want to watch?”

“Anything but Disney.” I said.

“Aww, come on, Eren. You know you want to watch Disney.”

“No. Never.” I scowled.

“22 years old and you still have that animosity towards Disney.” He said, flicking my ear.

“Well yeah. It tore my childhood in half.”

“It was that RuinedChildhood thing on Tumblr, wasn’t it?” He asked.

“Yeah.”

He chuckled.

“Knew it.”

I growled under my breath.

“I’ll watch a Disney movie then… but not a sad one.” I compromised.

“Fine. We’ll watch The Little Mermaid.” He said.

I grumbled.

“Fine.”

He put the disk into the machine, and rejoined me on the coach, throwing an arm around me. He still smelt like peppermint after all these years.

Surprisingly, I enjoyed the movie…. Somewhat. I still thought Ariel was a little young to get married, though.

“She’s 16 and getting married.” I deadpanned.

“So?”

“That’s really young.” I said.

“It’s a Disney movie. Everyone gets married young.”

“Yeah, but she’s 16.” That shouldn’t be a 16 year olds goal.

“Would it be okay if she were 19 then?” He asked me.

“Not really, that’s still really young.”

“Well when do you want to get married?” He asked, turning to look at me.

“Not for a while, I still want my freedom. I’m guessing you want to get married young?”

“Marrying young is not the end of my freedom, FYI. It means I want to travel and see the world, but with whomever I marry by my side. It means I still like drinking in bars and dancing in clubs, but stumbling home with them at 2am and eating pizza in our underwear. It means I know that I want to kiss those lips every morning, and every night before bed. If you see marriage as the end of your ‘freedom’, you’re doing it wrong, Eren.” He smile lightly.

“I never thought about it like that.” I didn’t really know what to say.

“It’s just what I think.”

“It’s a good way of thinking actually.” I yawned. It was really late.

He chuckled.

“I suppose.”

“W-would you.” My eyes fluttered shut. “Would you ever… marry…me.” I fell asleep.

* * *

 

**_ LEVI POV: _ **

“Would you ever… marry...me.”

I smiled down at him, kissing his forehead.

“Perhaps.” I whispered.

* * *

 

**_ EREN POV: One Year Later. _ **

Today was mine and Levi’s fourth year anniversary.

He took me down to the markets.

“Levi, what if we meet some dodgy guy trying to sell us drugs?” I asked, slightly panicking.

“Don’t take drugs from strangers, Eren.”

“But what if it’s a hot girl.” I stressed.

“Don’t take drugs from hot girls, Eren.”

I laughed.

“Touché.”

He held my hand as we walked through the stalls.

“Hello hello! You wanna buy?” Some street vender asked.

“Buy here!” Said another.

“No, buy over here!” Another.

“I have nice shirts.” Said a woman.

“I have donuts!” Yelled a slightly balding man.

“Did someone say donuts?” Levi turned his head.

“Levi. Ignore them. The donuts can wait.”

“But they have donuts.” He whined.

“I’ll distract you. You must be saved from temptation.”

“How?” He asked.

“Did you know, donuts used to be called 'olykoeks'?” I asked him.

“The fuck?” He said, raising an eyebrow.

“Did you know, The Guinness World Record for fastest to eat a jelly-filled doughnut exists.”

“I should enter that.” He gazed off into space.

“I’d bet you’d win.” I said.

“You think?”

“Levi, you’re 24 and you’re still obsessing over donuts.” I laughed at him.

“Donut addictions don’t fade, Eren.”

“Control your donut thirst.” I chided.

“Control your ice cream thirst.” He retorted.

_He had a good point._

“Touché.”

“Why hello there, Handsome.” A woman said from one of the stalls.

I smiled kindly at her.

“Hello.”

Levi growled next to me.

“Ignore her.” He said.

I laughed.

“Oh Levi. I have a poem for you.” I smiled down at him.

“Hmm?” He made a noise of acknowledgment.

"Roses are red, and tomatoes are redder, I think we both know, that I like you way better."

He smiled.

“Thanks, Eren.”

“No worries, my bootylicious dwarf.” I kissed his forehead.

“Shut up, my meme-loving fuck.”

_Ah. 4 years and we’re still as dorky as ever._

* * *

 

**_ EREN POV: One Year Later: _ **

Today was mine and Levi’s fifth year anniversary.

Levi decided he wanted to take me for dinner at some restaurant.

It was some random one that had a name I couldn’t pronounce.

“Levi, why do we have to go to this place? I’m sure the prices are going to be through the roof.”

“It’s our fifth year anniversary. We deserve a little treat.” He said, getting dressed.

“I’m sure Burger King will suffice.” I sighed, flopping onto the bed.

“We aren’t buying burgers for our anniversary.”

“Levi. I’m 24. Just buy me a burger.” I whined.

“No.”

“Please?” I asked.

“No, we’re going to the restaurant.”

“Fine, but you’re paying.” I said.

He grumbled.

“I’ll pick you up like I used to do when we were teenagers.” I threatened, a smile on my face.

“Please. You’d probably break your back, old man.” He laughed.

“Who are you calling old man?”

“You.” He looked down at me.

“Levi, that’s breaking my senile, old heart.”

“Don’t worry. When you croak, I’ll bury you with all the fucks I give.” He winked.

_Oh my God. That was amazing._

“I’ve often wondered how we’ve managed five years, you know that?”

“I’ve wondered the same thing.” He admitted.

“How do you think we’ve done managed it?”

“The prospect of mind-blowing sex.” He deadpanned.

“LEVI.” I was shocked.

“Because we’re so alike, yet different. Opposites attract.” He corrected himself.

I nodded my head.

“Well come on, then. Get in the car and I’ll drive us to the restaurant.” He said.

“After you, babe.”

“It wasn’t cute then, and it’s not cute now, Eren.” He scowled at me. He hated me calling him babe.

“Well excuse me, Stumpy.” I went all ghetto, just like old times.

“Get in the car, you fuck.”

I got in the car.

“Where is this place anyway?” I asked.

“It’s a surprise.”

_Great. I love surprises. Not._

* * *

 

“I think I’ll have a quickie.” I said.

“It’s pronounced quiche.” Levi corrected.

“Oh.”

The waiter was pissing himself laughing.

“I’ll have the quiche too, actually.” Levi said, putting his menu down.

The water took our orders down and walked back to the kitchen, leaving Levi and myself to our own devices.

“Did you know a shark bites with its lower jaw first and then its upper? It tosses its head back and forth to tear loose a piece of meat which it swallows whole.” He asked.

_Yup. Five years later and we’re still going on with this war. God save us._

“That’s awesome.”

“I swear to God, if you eat like that here I will castrate you with a chainsaw.” He looked into my eyes, smiling sweetly.

“Levi no.”

“Levi yes.” He smirked.

“Levi please have mercy.”

“Nah.” He waved me off.

“Levi, you’re 25. Have mercy.” I begged.

“Still nah.”

I pouted, and then pulled a face.

“Ugh. I have this weird taste on my tongue.” It was gross. It tasted like metal and fish.

"Do you realise we never stop tasting our tongues?" He asked.

"How about I taste yours for a change?"

“And you accuse me of still being childish.” He rolled his eyes.

“It’s one of my many charms.”

“Clearly.” He chuckled.

The waiter returned shortly after.

“Here are your... quickies.” He attempted to hold in a laugh.

I scowled, and Levi patted my shoulder.

“Take a book out of Elsa’s page, and let it go.” He whispered into my ear.

I growled under my breath.

“Fuck you, and fuck Disney.”

* * *

 

**_ LEVI POV: _ **

“Did you know, during WWI, donuts were fed to American soldiers?” Eren asked me.

“Do you think that’s why I love donuts so much? In my past life I fought in WW1.” I said.

“Levi, you’re just a donut freak. There’s no other explanation.”

I pouted.

“Come with me to the lake.” I took his hand. I was going to take him to one of my favourite places.

We walked to the lake, and the moon was reflecting beautifully off the water.

“Beautiful.” He murmured.

“Not as beautiful as you.” I hugged him.

_Fuck, he was tall._

He blushed.

“Was this what you wanted to show me? It’s amazing.” He said, looking around.

“Yes, I wanted you to see this. It’s become my favourite place to sit and think.”

“It’s so peaceful.” He whispered.

“Yes it is.”

“I sense there’s something else you want to tell me, though.” He turned back to me.

“You’re right.”

“What is it?” He asked.

“Listen, Eren… you’ve been my boyfriend for what? 5 years?” I asked.

“Yes?” I could tell he was getting nervous. I had to do this the right way.

“I think we should change that.” I said.

He paled.

“What do you mean?”

I sighed.

“I don’t know how to say this, I’m not very good with words.” I said.

He shook minutely.

“Just say whatever you were going to say.” He whispered.

I took in a deep breath.

“Well…”

“Yes?” He asked.

“Did you know, not only do penguins mate for life, but they also spend time finding a pebble to give their mate in order to “propose”?” I asked him, and pulled out a pebble from my pocket, giving it to him.

“Huh?”

I tried another approach.

“Beyoncé said that if I liked it, I should put a ring on it.” I smiled up at him.

“What does Beyoncé have to do with anything?” He asked, extremely confused.

I ran my hand through my hair.

“I’m just going to say this, and hope for the best.” I sighed.

“Please do.”

“Eren… Let’s spend the rest of our lives together. I want to grow old with you and I can’t imagine a life without you in it. Having you by my side is what completes me, and before I met you, I never realized how empty my life was. I now know that you and I are truly meant to be together.” I moved closer to him.

His eyes widened.

“I honestly wish I could give you everything, but I hope that this ring is enough.” I got down on one knee, producing the box from my pocket.

Tears brimmed in his eyes, and he let out a shaky breath.

“Eren Jaeger; Will you make me the happiest man alive and marry me?”

* * *

 

**THE END.**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, you read that right.  
> The end. There is no more.  
> I might have shed a tear or two writing this. I've grown so attached to them, and to all of you.
> 
> *mumbles something about a sequel*   
> I was tossing up the idea. Thoughts?
> 
> Thank you all so much for supporting me and this fic. It has been an amazing ride and I love you all so much.
> 
> You all rock so much! I loved every single pick-up line you've sent, and I've loved the rollercoaster of emotions that we've been on. 
> 
> Many, many, many kisses and hugs,
> 
> MysteriouslySurreal xx


	51. Sequel Announcement (Plus a gift)

Now would probably be a good time to post that I have published the sequel… with 2 chapters already.

It’s called Oh My God.

It will follow their married life and the mischief they get up to.

I thought it was fitting.

At any rate, I want to thank you all again for your support. It really makes writing this garbage worthwhile.

Also, I was busy going through my Word documents, when I stumbled upon this. It didn’t make it into the original (sadly) so I’m posting it below as a gift for you all.

Merry almost-not-really-its-only-May Christmas.

Enjoy!

* * *

 

“Armin, I don’t think this is a good idea.”

“Nonsense, Eren. Just do it for the vine. Isn’t that what you always say?” Armin rolled his eyes at me.

“Like Hell I’m doing it for the vine.” My eyes widened as I watched him ready the stuff.

The torture devices.

“Come on, Eren. Please? For me?” He asked.

Armin was the fucking devil incarnate, I swear. We were currently in his bathroom with some waxing strips and a terrified Eren.

He was going to wax my legs.

Why?

Because I was stupid enough to lose a bet, and now I had to pay the price.

“Armin. Coconut. Nearmin, Farmin, Wherever-you-Armin. Have mercy.” I pleaded.

“Sorry, Eren. A deal is a deal.”

“Think of my poor leg hair. They’ll be so lonely without my legs to hold them at night.” I tried to reason with him.

“Eren, what the fuck?”

I was just making up excuses now. Can you see how desperate I am?

“Please, Armin.” I pouted. Let’s try the puppy dog eyes.

“Sorry, Eren. Jean’s orders.”

_Fuck Jean. The stupid asshole._

“I’ll just shave my legs. That way my legs will be hairless and I won’t have to go through the pain.” It sounded like a good compromise to me.

“I’d agree with you, but Jean wanted video footage.”

“Armin, please.” I begged.

He shook his head.

“Sorry, Eren.”

He smeared the wax on my leg, and placed the waxing strips on top, smoothing out any bubbles.

This was it.

I was going to die from improper waxing. Hang on… that might be my way out.

“Did you know you can die from improper waxing?” I asked, trying every route possible to get out of this mess.

“Eren, you’re being overdramatic. Lots of other people shave their legs without problem.”

“Yeah, but I’m not one of them.” I grumbled.

The timer dinged, signaling it was time to pull the strip off.

_Fuck my life._

Armin pulled out his phone, resting it on the counter so it could record my reaction.

“Sorry, Eren.” He said, moving forward.

“No you’re not.”

“I am a little. For the most part I’m laughing because you got yourself into this.” He said, raising his eyes to meet mine.

I growled at him.

“Okay, on the count of three I’ll pull. I’ll pull multiple ones off at once so it’ll be quicker.” He said.

I nodded, accepting my fate.

“One.”

_Oh God._

“Two.”

_Ugh here it comes._

“Three.”

_Fuck you, Jean._

Armin pulled the waxing strips off in quick succession. I cried out in pain because damn, how do people do this? It stings like a bitch. Tears filled up my eyes as I bit my lip. I probably looked like a mess.

_Thanks Jean._

Armin was quick to rub lotion on my leg. It felt good.

“Thanks, Armin.” I said, wiping the tears from my eyes.

“No problem, Eren. You feeling okay?” He asked, gently.

“Yeah. It stings like Hell and my leg is all red, but for the most part I’m okay.”

“That’s good.” He smiled.

There was something off about his tone.

“I’m sensing a ‘but’.” I said.

“There is a ‘but’.”

“What is it?” I was afraid of the answer.

“Now we have to do your other leg.” He turned back to the waxing strips.

_Motherfuck. Fuck you, Jean. Fuck you and your stupid elongated face._

 


End file.
